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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It is happening - we are meeting up. // I'm bursting!!!!

180 replies

LoveChlorine · 27/07/2012 23:41

My OH and I split about 3 years ago. We get on well, I think if is fair to say that we are both keen to get on for the sake of our DDs.

Lately I have been getting on well with DD1's coach. We developed a text EA, (his relationship broke down earlier in Feb this year, our texts started about 2 months ago). We have now agreed to meet at a local Beef Eater for lunch with a hotel connected to it on Monday. The plan is to have lunch but I can not help thinking about the hotel next door. I so want to end up at the hotel... Stuff lunch!!! Doubt I will be able to swallow anything anyway... I can't think of anything else. Have made an appointment for waxing etc. this saturday. I'm not sure if this is love but I haven't felt like this in ages and haven't had any ... since OH left.

I feel as if I'm going to burst.... totally terrified... and exited.

10 years younger... make it 15 at least...

Any advice appreciated... Please help.... This can so not go wrong...

OP posts:
Rollersara · 28/07/2012 09:11

PS And he is 6 years younger :)

tethersphotofinish · 28/07/2012 09:25

Maybe the innuendo of The Beefeater was intentional, Reality. the dirty buggers.

OP, is your date Sid James? Wink

Malificence · 28/07/2012 09:35

Why on earth should a woman have to make a man "wait" for sex if she wants to have sex with him?

Surely it's the one surefire way of finding out what he's really like? If they shag then he isn't interested, he's a knobhead anyway, better to find out now I say, if he's a decent bloke with no weird double standards about women being "easy" not being suitable long term partners, fantastic - isn't it better to know that now rather than investing time only to find out he is is fact, a knobhead with twisted views on women?

Losingitall · 28/07/2012 09:40

PMSL at the Beefeater jibes. Is it just not "naice" enough!?

Do whatever you want. If you shag him and he doesn't take it further you've saved yourself months of game playing.

I slept with my DH in our 1st date. We got married 18 months later.

Enjoy and please tell us what happens!

ImperialBlether · 28/07/2012 09:49

Don't you think there's a difference between going out with someone on a first date, or meeting them that night, and being overtaken by lust and sleeping with them, and going out on a first date with the intention of getting shagged?

Imagine a bloke coming on here and saying "Hey I'm seeing this really fit woman for a date on Saturday. Wey hey there's a hotel next door - I haven't had a shag for years!"

Would we all be swooning?

youarekidding · 28/07/2012 09:51

Well I made my DP wait until he was gagging for it from me and I could abstain no more!

4 years and a DS later he cheated on me and now is married to someone else.

Go for it OP Grin

amstronger · 28/07/2012 09:57

You haven't had 'it' for a while that's why you are feeling this way but try and control yourself.Don't go the hotel at least not on first date,if ur looking for long term relationship take the hotel out of your mind.Grin

amstronger · 28/07/2012 09:58

To

Lucyellensmum99 · 28/07/2012 09:59

The start of a relationship does not involve meeting up to have lunch in a place with a hotel attached. The start of a one night stand of "fuck buddy" relationship starts in a resturant with a hotel attached. If he likes you, you wont end up in the hotel! If you do, be prepared for some heart ache if you want more than a quick fuck.

tethersphotofinish · 28/07/2012 10:02

And remember not to give him your precious flower.

Lucyellensmum99 · 28/07/2012 10:04

Im not saying if you "fuck on first dates" it wont end well, i had sex with my DP on our first date - 20 years ago, but the sex just happened, it wasn't a planned meet to have sex. Yes im sure it was on both of our minds (well actually i was not too worried, had just left a shite relationship and was "off men") and I asked him to stay over. Had the arrangement been what the OP describes i don't think he'd be here now. Its nothing to do with making someone wait or not - its about how it comes about, if that makes sense.

Concentrateonthegood · 28/07/2012 10:14

I guess it depends on the Beefeater. Where I live, ours is fine for an average priced meal (also has hotel attached.....)

I've got a friend that won't go on a date unless she is taken to a really nice local eatery. It's not hugely expensive but it is a bit of a special ocassion place. It makes her look like a pretentious, high maintenance individual in my opinion.

I'd be fine with the Beefeater but there again I always pay my own way and most men I've been out with earn considerably less than me so I'm always a bit conscious of budget on their behalf.

I guess my point here is it feels a little uncomfortable to be judgemental about the cost of the date when we don't know what their financial circumstances are.

Back to the point in hand, OP, if you want to sleep with your date then as long as you accept the possibility that this may not be the big romance that you want it to be, then go for it.

SimoneD · 28/07/2012 10:16

I agree with lucyellen. If someone arranged a first date with me at a place attached to a hotel I'd be a bit Hmm. Its a beefeater so its not as though the place has been chosen in order to enjoy a nice lunch. I'd be wary OP because you seem to have such high hopes for this.

Offred · 28/07/2012 10:24

Imperial - so the op is gagging for a shag but if the bloke she was meeting was too that would be bad? Why?

youarekidding · 28/07/2012 10:56

Allour local Beefeaters are attached to hotels. In fact many of our local larger chained restaurants are. I guess I'm saying unless you go al la posh or Maccy D's round here the hotel room nearby is almost a given.

Totally agree with Lucy that it depends on why you chose that restaurant.

Lucyellensmum99 · 28/07/2012 10:57

Just because there is a hotel attached though it doesn't mean they have to use it! I woudlnt be making the connection myself if someone took me to a beefeater, unless i has already been hinted at - i would be horrified if it had and in aint no prude.

onebigwish · 28/07/2012 11:04

Who chose the venue?

I can't help but think that it might be more than a coincidence that there's a hotel attached.

If someone chose a beefeater with a hotel attached for my first date I think I'd be a bit offended, actually.

Unless it's the only place for miles around?

Offred · 28/07/2012 11:24

Ok but the op is excited by the prospect of a hotel and a bloke who wants to have sex with her!

Zhaghzhagh · 28/07/2012 11:43

What's an EA??

mirry2 · 28/07/2012 11:50

What sort of hotel lets you book in for an afternoon shag? How do you explain turning up with no luggage and then booking out later the same day?

I'm sure most hotels would discourage this sort of thing for obvious reasons

Concentrateonthegood · 28/07/2012 11:56

Mirry2 - most (cheap) hotels are regularly used for this purpose - it's a valuable source of revenue for them! They don't care who uses their hotels and for whatever purpose as long as they pay and don't wreck the room.

mirry2 · 28/07/2012 11:57

I obviously use a better class of hotel then Grin

Offred · 28/07/2012 11:59

Emotional Affair...

Concentrateonthegood · 28/07/2012 12:00

Quite - the roadside type hotels provide an anonymity which makes it very easy to nip in and you don't need to check out. (Please don't ask me how I know this!)

Melpomene · 28/07/2012 12:03

I'm also wondering what EA means in this context - I thought EA was short for emotional abuse!