'fiance' has completely changed since baby came . breaking my heart!

[angel05]

me and my partner have been together since i was 16, him 18 which was 7 years ago. we have a unique relationship i think, personal jokes, sayings, even voices. ofcourse silly arguements but hardly ever. he lives with me at my mums while we work towards a deposit 4 a mortgage. had two previous miscarriages and tm3rd time lucky have a baby girl who is 4weeks. traumatic birth. lost 3litres of blood, couldnt even.hold my baby for the 1st 2 days of her life. still trying to recover and have had so much support from.my mum. my fiance has.decided he hates my mum after all these years. everyday shouts at me and tells me to.tell her to stop interfering (helping at night as he wont cz he has work, washing bottles as shes washing up anyway, asking if baby is ok as she hasnt been to well....not interfering) lastnight baby was rushed 2hospital due to her breathing (she is fine) but i was shaking just being back there. he said he disnt want 2come.with me but felt like he had to!!! she kept stopping breathing and he didnt.want to be there! on way home early hours he.made me hysterical calling me names, hes going to move back to his mums today and ill "never have to deal with him again". ive tried talking to him for weeks now but he just turns it into an arguement. i love him so much and have never seen.this side of him. feel so lost and confused!!!!

Maybe you could take him up on that? Has he ever looked after her on his own for a couple of days?

hes avoiding everything.
he says "he would rather spend all day at home with her as its so much easier than being at work".
he is now using work as escapism,so he isnt at home,which he cant cope with.

If you were working after your birth you would be signed of sick wouldn't you? He thinks it is a piss take and is angry about you not supporting him with his much harder job then he shouldn't mind caring for her by himself with no help for the whole two days he gets off each week and being reminded that he will find it easier than you because he isn't recovering physically from serious complications and the exertion of birth.

he could stay up with her tonight and he will sleep the rest of the day after work tomorrow. hes had her from 10pm till 3am for a few nights before then i took over but she just slept. i dont think he would be able to cope with her when shes screaming which she has done all day. i dont want him to just leave her crying

He will never understand unless he does it himself I think.

If you always fly in and rescue him at the difficult time then he won't understand. Why do you think he would leave her crying if he was by himself?

Just realised that you said she has colic.
Never experienced it,but witnessed it.it was awful.
Poor you.That isnt going to help anything at all.Have you got medical help with that.
I dont know what would be a reasonable amount of time he should spend with you and the baby.If you are up to it,I would tell him what you expect of him.And be specific.And tell him,that if he doesnt spend that agreed time,you are going to accept help from lots of other people,not just your mum.

he said to me when she was 2weeks old when can we leave her to just cry cause shes crying for no reason and shes annoying. i couldnt believe it. she cant have anything apparently cause shes so young. she jusy scared the life out of me cause it took me ages to get her to respond to me. she was asleep. i was moving her around and she didnt respond at all. i called my mum and she took her off me and she started crying. im so nervous all the time

I presume he got told all about the colic?
How many hours a day does she cry with colic?
and have you been told how long she is likely to have it for?

Is that at all something that happens with colic,that when she sleeps,she sleeps deeply,maybe because she is tired out?

can understand why you feel nervous.The Mn expression for it is,it will pass.And all this will pass,but you wont forget.And in amongst all this,is your lovely DD getting older.You will still have times when you will enjoy it.Relish those.They are precious.

I'm so angry with him on your behalf angel - he's letting you and your baby down so badly, what should be a partnership with you supporting each other through those hard early days is you seemingly fighting a battle by yourself
( albeit with your mum trying to help, she must be very upset for you too) and him being a selfish brat of a man making things doubly hard for you.

I wish you the strength to tell him to go, he doesn't deserve you and he's not fit to be a father, decent men who adore their babies do not behave like this, no matter how tired or stressed they are - if you don't trust him to have the baby for a few hours while you can escape for a while, what does that say?

Are you sure it is colic and not reflux?

Could you get him to do a parenting class? You cannot leave a baby to cry full stop.

exactly. i dont understand people who let their babys cry. im a qualified nursery nurse and some parents tell me to let their baby cry it out at the age of 3months. i just tell them no, its cruel.
he actually just called me and im at the point now ive had a go. hes doing this overtime as a favour and now its been cancelled at last minute. i just said our dd has been screaming since 5.30! and hes always at work and im struggling and im sick of it. that we should be first not them w***s!!!!!
i think it could be reflux actually as shr brings up milk all the time! and then wants it replaced so her weight is ok for now. i spoke to midwife, health visitor and doctor as i wanted to change from aptimil 1st milk to aptimil colic relief anti reflux but they have all said not to.

Do you think she is lactose intolerant?? Insist on tests with GP! Meanwhile tell the twunt to be a father or fuck off!!

lol :-D i think she might be. i am going to bring her to the gp today i think :-( xxx