Success, standards and still holding out for Johnny Depp...dating thread 18

[ChaoticismyLife]

Forget the olympics...we're aiming for dating gold.

Only the best is good enough.

As you were....:)

Inclined to agree, if it's over it's over, keeping someone hanging is just cruel, maybe he thinks he can soften the blow?

He might kid himself that he's softening the blow but I'm with Luej, extending the misery is probably a more accurate description?

I do agree, but Lubey said he wasn't good at communication unless it was face to face. So, maybe it's about that.

My feeling is that he doesn't want to finish it, really. But is likely to want to "change Lubey" or for her to beg him not to finish it.

If he is crap at non face to face communication he should have kept his feelings to himself.

'he wasn't good at communication unless it was face to face'

isnt he some high flying business man?
pretty sure he'd manage to be good at communicating via whatever mechanism was necessary if there was some important contract riding on it?

More likely just wants to be the boss and have it all on his own terms?

Or, he just wants to explain/ say goodbye/ whatever, face to face.

Because it would be rather crappy to end a 6 month relationship via phone.

So why do it and leave lubey in limbo until they meet?

THAT is crap.

And not a nice thing to do.

I.dont know, It's just what Lubey has said.
Peope could be good at communicating busines matters not face to face, but emotional issues are a different thing all together.

We don't know anything of his behavior, Lubey is a switched on woman who doesn't take shit, so I doubt she would be with someone controling.

I dont think It's nice to speculate negatively on someones partner of 6 months....

It is, but maybe it accidentally came out, he asked to meet, not idea, granted.

I don't open up easily about emotions. I haven't told last nights date about the abuse either I don't think I need to yet a while. Someone local to me did guess something bad happened in my past but I clammed up and said it wasn't important and they left it. It's sometimes hard to talk about feelings. I can talk mainly about shit for England, yet when it comes to deep stuff I don't open up.

MLM, I wouldnt advise talking to anyone about it, unless you know them Well..there is absolutely no need to tell someone you have had only a few dates with. He doesn't need to know.

I'm not good talking about feeling either. I find it easier on the phone than face to face, yet people wouldn't guess that bevsgse I come across as very open and bubbly, which I am, just on a Shallow level, deeper things I find harder. We shouldn't judge because some people find certain ways of communication easier than others.

My communication with ykw was mostly written, so texts, whats app, msn, emails. Or face to face. It wasn't until 2 years in I.found out he was actually hard of hearing and struggled with phone calls because he couldn't lip read. Yet he owned and ran several companies.

I don't plan on telling anyone, unless of obviously something happened and I freaked out and then maybe I would have to, so they understood why.

Re: leaving me in limbo, he isn't really. He would come down tomorrow, or now, if I really insisted on it.

It's me that wants a mutually, easily convienient time with no rushing to re-arrange things etc, and me that wants some headspace before we meet. It's also my schedule that means to acheive the above, it's Thurs or Mon. So I'm calling the shots with this face to face thing really. I've given him the most suitable times and am awaiting him choosing one of my times, if that makes sense.

Watch is right about him hating communication about important/deep things that isn't face to face, and also he feels bad with the whole thing not being face to face. Also right about business being different. With all that he is confident and assertive, with emotional stuff, he finds it more difficult.

I have no idea at this stage if it's just going to be a plain old face to face dumping and goodbye, or if we will be attempting to talk things through a bit.

His exact words on that point were that he would like to come and talk to me face to face about it. I appreciate that and I feel respected. if he had left it at the phone conversation, I'd be very upset and angry right now.

I understand all that.

It's just that assuming such communication is difficult, then why even mention it on the phone?
I wouldn't do that to anyone.

I did tell Mr VN about the ultimate reason I left ex and the current situation with divorce. Face to face too. But left it completely out of other forms of communication.

This man doesn't really seem very caring, actually.

Personally, I hate it when people say on the phone, or by message, that they need to tell me something, but will only face to face. I'd rather it was done immediately or shut the f up until we meet.

Sorry, cross posts.

That makes sense, Lubey.

Oh, that was because I wanted to know what was wrong. Via text during the day (we normally happily chit chat all day til we can phone or skype) he was quiet and things seemed very odd. They had done for a couple of days in fact but I had left him to it because I knew he was in pain after the cyst operation and put it down to that. A nagging feeling told me it wasn't just that though, and it turns out I was right.

Also I won't bash him for starting this process on the phone. With an LDR you can't always sit on feelings til you can meet. If I hadn't noticed something was wrong, and specifically asked, then maybe he could have hung on til our next weekend together (which was arranged for 23rd to 27th when my daughter is next away)

It's only this coming to lights that's prompted us to arrange meeting sooner. If that makes sense

So I mean, it's not like we had something arranged this week anyway and he could have sat on it til then.

I understand Lubey, ldr make things like this a lot more complicated. If you aren't Seeing him often It's near impossible to sit on something like that for so long. Plus, as you say, you pick up on things and need to know.

I woyidnt bash him or you for that either.

Lubey I think it's good that your twat radar antenna is working properly :) I think a proper face to face chat is a good thing, it's just a pity that it cant be resolved sooner... Although I would be concerned that your chap isnt able to arrange to see you sooner and that you arent able to rearrange to do so. If this is going to be niggling at you ( it would niggle at me..) then I'd try to get it done sooner. :)

delightful PM has just updating his sodding fb with ' So, am having zero luck on OkStupid, what other free dating sites have people used, can recommend?'

have responded with 'Absolutely none whatsoever. Internet Dating is populated solely by creeps, liars, timewasters and people with poor personal hygiene, who lack the social skills to meaningfully interact in real life. :)'

a little harsh prehaps? ' :)' will see him tonight so can discuss, except I dont really want to.

I'd rather be single than lower my standards. Why is it that some people think women should put up with a load of crap just to be in a relationship

Sponge sorry you've had to deal with fuckwitbollocks. You've had a lucky escape there.

lubey sorry you're having to go through this right now. I hope you get to speak to him soon. That conversation is not going to be easy but once it's been had you can then deal with the consequences rather than being in limbo.

mlm instead of using your bum/boobs try using a smile instead. Then once you've got talking use your intelligence/personality. This date of yours seems to be working well, enjoy getting to know him and don't rush things.

Lueji if you don't mind me asking what interests are these that you mentioned earlier in the thread?

I have to admit to having had some male interests in the last week or so. I never knew the Olympics could be so interesting

Hi to everyone else :) still on the sofa here.

intelligence/personality sags later than tits and/or arse. :)

Lubey - having been in an LDR for nearly a year now, I do know exactly where you are coming from regarding communicating. I have been in the position where things were difficult for a bit with S and I thought I wanted to finish things. Being LDR makes it so much harder. I thought I could wait for him to be up for a weekend but then when exactly to say... The moment he arrived? Just before he was due to leave? Phone call? Email?

I agree with you that at least the bloke has let you know that he wants to talk rather than waited to see you face to face with no idea anything was wrong and excited to see him.

I can hand on heart say that if S and I were ever to break up I would not consider an LDR again. Relationships can be hard enough without the complications distance brings.

I hope the talk isn't the end of things and more that talk that I think all LDR's get to at some stage. No one really wants one indefinitely and IMO it certainly isn't worth putting yourself through one if there isn't even the chance of a future at some stage. Best of luck x

Thanks everyone :)

And snape thank you yes I think my twat radar is pretty good

I am ok, don't worry. I actually want it to be next week now, having had some more time to think about it for sure. I don't feel like it's hanging over me but I would do if I had to mentally prepare myself for it to be this week. I need more time and to get this next busy four/five days done with.

I also think some proper space beforehand is just generally a good idea. I need to think about what I need to ask and say to make sure we are really getting to the bottom of it all - whichever way it goes. Closure I suppose, if it goes the way I reckon it will.

I was having my own wobbles about it all anyway on and off. It's not a massively devastating thing, like my big bad break up last year that left me floundering, destroyed and in pain for ages, that was awful. This is very different and nowhere near as painful. Which I'm glad about as it's helping me keep my cool and a clear head. I love him but not in the all consuming, give everything of myself way that I did my ex. It's funny how love can be so different.

I don't think I really want us to end, but thinking sensibly it could actually be for the best and if that's what happens then I'll be fine and won't look back.

If by some weird chance we manage to sort something out, well, then I don't know. We'll cross that bridge/when if we come to it. I think shutting the lid on things is more likely so that's what needs all the thought to get my head around.

and Fateloves yes that's exactly it with the whole LDR thing!

I have had loads of wobbles with S. well I say him but more just because of being in an LDR. It's such a bloody roller coaster really, up when you are actually in each others company, down when you aren't. The whole communicating by text, phone when apart. I think you have to be a very strong, secure person to handle an LDR and not have wobbles.

I think you are doing the right thing, giving yourself time and putting together what you need to ask. I hope the outcome is what you want.

Chaotic,

I am a science person, and not into girly stuff. Hardly wear make up.
I like cars, and used to follow F1 (can't watch it on tv now, so I'm less on top of it) and yes, I take an interest on football (mostly Euro or World cups) and can explain the off side rule.
Plus, I am interested in the Olympics beyond the male swimmers.

He commented yesterday about me watching Top Gear, which was mostly due to ex, but I did enjoy it.