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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

After infidelity - those who are still with their partners

515 replies

Looksgoodingravy · 16/07/2012 22:14

We are working through it, it's been four months, we have better days than bad, I know things will never be the same again and there are chinks of normality coming back into our lives again, I'm hoping we will be stronger than before, it will be different. I know my dp is deeply deeply sorry for the hurt he's caused, he's working hard to build those bridges.

My question I suppose is have you forgiven your partner? I know I'll never forget but I know I've got to forgive so that I can move on, I know I will forgive when I feel ready to but is it a necessary step to take...I'm just letting some sad feelings out tonight, I feel sad for the 17 years we had before I found out, seems a lovely carefree time now not one wrapped in pain and hurt.. time to move on and bring the good bits back into my life.

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chipsandmushypeas · 19/07/2012 10:34

Agree with hell and madabout, sorry Hector :( not to sound crude but have you been checked out for your own reassurance? I would say they definately had a physical relationship from what you posted.

Abitwobblynow · 19/07/2012 10:38

Stern, could you elaborate?

My most devastating moment came when I realised that (I had been discarded) I had been geniunely giving unconditional love and concern with absolutely nothing back at all, to someone who told me he was depressed (yes, it's hard managing that split, isn't it?), to find out that he took my mothering and housekeeping skills whilst knowing exactly what he was doing.

He still maintains the deep depression and self hatred, and his IC supports this as well.
My take: depression does not rob you of morality, and he knew exactly what choices he was making.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 19/07/2012 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abitwobblynow · 19/07/2012 10:51

Sorry Stern, a more direct question:

how can something as delicious and wonderful as an affair, present itself as depression?

shorttermnamechange · 19/07/2012 10:57

Can I ask you guys something?

My husband has said that even if I end our relationship, he will still be financially supportive (am a sahm) and would never waiver in his financial commitment to me and the kids. He has always been very good at saying the right things. I am toying with the idea of making him commit to that by getting a legal document drawn up promising me half of his salary if we did split. God, I sound like a mercenary cow and I am honestly not, but at the moment I so want to believe him, but feel I should be taking some steps to protect myself. Going back to work is not an immediate option, although it is something I am now thinking seriously about, but I can't do it now.

I was thinking that a legal document might be good because it also lets him know that fear for my children's financial security is not a factor in why I am staying, so takes it out of the equation, which I think would be good for us.

Do you think it would be a very bad idea?

MadAboutHotChoc · 19/07/2012 11:02

ABit - a lot of the symptoms that are being presented at home (not with the affair partner) may look similar - distant, grumpy, critical, withdrawn from family life etc. The deliciousness of being with OW must compare badly when at home with demanding kids, wife and chores so this probably induces feelings of unhappiness?

I remember my DH being stressed for several months and that was because of the pressure of telling lies and leading a double life. When he started shouting at the kids, I sat him down and asked him what was wrong and that was when he gave me the I don't love you speech.

MadAboutHotChoc · 19/07/2012 11:03

I also think they get so addicted to the ego boosts they get from the affair that when the affair ends, they miss this and become "depressed"...

MadAboutHotChoc · 19/07/2012 11:11

Naice - your 2nd paragraph resonates with me, I remember how my DH became very flirty with women while he had the affair, it was as if he was giving off I am available signals and his ego was boosted so much that he thought he was god's gift to women!

Short - I really would advise you to see a solicitor - some offer free half hours and you could make the rounds til you get all the info you need. It may be that you are entitled to more than 50%.

MadAboutHotChoc · 19/07/2012 11:14

Another thought about depression - affairs are seen by experts as being about the cheater's own personal issues and flaws. Some people with a history of mental health may self medicate by having affairs - its a way of escaping from their own demons.

sternface · 19/07/2012 11:19

Oh this is complex Wobbly - I'm even writing a book about this atm and I'm finding it hard to precis this bit.

People who have diagnosed or undiagnosed depression are much more vulnerable to an affair, because there is no experience like a new sexual adventure to mimic the feelings of being 'alive' with all the senses tingling. This has an even more devastating and apparently positive effect on the depressed than on someone whose emotional health is stable without highs and lows. For depressed people, the artificial 'high' of a new affair is like a 1000 volt life-charge rather than just the normal pleasurable adrenaline most people feel when are in the early stages of a new relationship.

But this is not to be confused with people who are just a 'bit down' with the way that life has panned out; not necessarily in their marriages, but in the way they look in middle age, their career progression, their material wealth, the quality of their friendships - all the things that make up a life. When people like this have an affair, the initial 'high' is often replaced by guilt, the stress of deceiving a much-loved partner, the constant nervousness and risk management about being found out, the stress of keeping two partners happy, the impossibility of feeling connected to the partner you're deceiving, the feelings that everything is going to come crashing down at any moment. Those feelings of 'deliciousness and wonder' have worn off to an extent and although the person might still be addicted to the affair, if they stopped and analysed it properly, they would acknowledge that something needs to give. Either they must make a decision between the two partners or the affair must end.

These feelings get acted out as stress, distancing, appearing troubled and unhappy, going into hiding, apparently taking no joy in anything anymore, an unwillingness to socialise or meet up with friends and family, irritability, aggression and moodiness. All of these behaviours are often associated with (and mis-diagnosed as) 'depression'. If a bewildered and loving partner queries what on earth is wrong, people who don't want their affairs discovered will often lie and say that they are depressed or stressed about work, money, elderly parents, bereavement - anything to put their partners off the scent and very manipulatively, so that they can be treated with a kindness that they absolutely don't deserve at that point. I've known people to be more angry about that more than the affair itself.

Looksgoodingravy · 19/07/2012 11:38

I can relate to so many of your posts, Stern I am so angry with the lies dp told and thinking back to last year when his infidelities happened he was so distant but I asked on a few occasions if there was something wrong, he was out most of the time and tbh I didn't mind, I thought he was having a couple of pints to wind down after what would seem another tough day at work but it seems looking back he just wanted out of the house to get away from me probably or the family life which wouldn't give him that 'kick' that ego stroking feeling he needed.

Much of his dealings with the OW came from texts, there were three women in total, one platonic, one a kiss and one a bj, the platonic one for me should send more warning signs than the other two funny as it sounds, he met her possibly 5-6 times over the course of 18 months and they had what I believe to be long running communication via text, he knew her from before we met, he holds firm that they were just mates catching up but of course I knew nothing about this, she is the only one out of the three that I didn't message when I found out everything, still can't believe I'm actually typing about dp in this way.

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sternface · 19/07/2012 11:44

This story is familiar. Do you have any other threads about this?

I think I'd find it very hard to believe that any of these relationships were platonic or that the sex was as limited/one-sided as described.

I also think it's likely that porn addiction has been a feature in why this happened. If that remains, this could so easily happen again.

Looksgoodingravy · 19/07/2012 12:07

Yes Stern I've posted before about this, we've talked about the porn side of things too. Dp does state that he's not addicted to porn but he would say that wouldn't he, he did use it last year (he's told me since) while all the texting and flirting was going on. Easy access via iphone, too easy.

I still feel incredibly sad, angry, bitter about the whole experience really but I know I'm only 4 months down the line. I want it to work I really do but I don't know if the trust is too shattered to be able to piece together and make a stronger relationship which is what he wants.

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Looksgoodingravy · 19/07/2012 12:10

Can I also just ask, in your opinion what constitutes a porn addiction?

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Ormiriathomimus · 19/07/2012 12:13

"I remember my DH being stressed for several months and that was because of the pressure of telling lies and leading a double life. When he started shouting at the kids,"

Wow mad! You must have been living in my house. I asked and asked him what the matter was and he never admitted anything. He is still short-tempered at time TBH - which was what our big row was about on Sunday. Hence wanting couples counselling.

MadAboutHotChoc · 19/07/2012 12:15

Is he still using porn? This was a factor in my DH's infidelity too - what we did was to read up on the realities and politics of the porn industry (which opened my eyes as well as his) and he has stopped using it. He also knows that porn is now a dealbreaker.

MadAboutHotChoc · 19/07/2012 12:17

Orm - yes, when you have been on this board as much as I have you soon realise they all are following the same script Hmm

Looksgoodingravy · 19/07/2012 12:21

This is something I need to sit down and look at MadAbout, tbh for me the porn side of everything wasn't an issue but it may all be linked...possibly, I'm not sure what to think really.

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MadAboutHotChoc · 19/07/2012 12:27

I used to think like that until we realised just how much influence it had on his behaviour and his boundaries.

Looksgoodingravy · 19/07/2012 12:32

I need to read up about it and take a good look at everything for me to fully understand the implications of porn within our relationship, I have looked briefly and there are conflicting views on various sites.

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sternface · 19/07/2012 12:34

OP I would think he was using porn long before last year. Porn addiction takes many forms, but what often happens is that what starts out as mild titillation in order to get masturbatory relief regresses to needing more extreme porn in order to have the same effect. This extremely self-centric activity is then often chosen in preference to the efforts required to sustain a sexual relationship with a partner. Since a lot of porn on the internet depicts women as compliant objects that sex is 'done to', frequent exposure to this can alter the user's perception of women and to sex itself. Stronger material is then required to get the necessary effect and then stronger RL experiences. It's no coincidence that a lot of porn sites have links to interactive sex sites and no-strings sex dating sites.

This and the fact that all this is conducted in secret from a partner ( so there is already a culture of secrets and lies in the relationship), often leads to real-life infidelities with women who aren't chosen for their personalities or their humanity, but for the sexual boosts and relief they can provide. The fact that there were 3 different women points to this even more strongly.

Looksgoodingravy · 19/07/2012 12:38

But does it make a difference that he actually knew these women, they weren't strangers, they were known to him...I just don't know what to think really. Need to go and see my Counsellor now but will be back later.

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Devastatedgiraffe · 19/07/2012 12:40

Thank you to those who have replied to me.

This thread has been an eye opening read!

I do need space, but that is just going to have to involve the spare room, I have very over powering in laws, who know ours ins and outs very often before we do, and i want them to have no idea about this, and certainly no influence on any decisions I or we make. I know if I asked him to move out short term, I wouldn't want him back. I realy wouldn't want him here, in fact I don't want him here.

Reading what has been written certainly rings some bells, I yet have no idea the depth of what I read this morning. I still feel so betrayed.

I've been sat watching the drive all morning, sick knowing he is on his way home and sick knowing what lies ahead.

Lovingfreedom · 19/07/2012 12:49

I was 'fortunate'. My now-ex threatened once too often to stay with his friend and I took him up on the offer...and never let him back in. I didn't know for sure when he went that it was for good...but it gave me the space to think without him being about...and it set a helpful precedent that he had left the house rather than me. I am still in the house and it is now solely in my name. He has since complained that 'I didn't know when I went to [friend]'s that I wasn't coming back, or I wouldn't have gone'. I'm not saying do it out of malice....but give yourself some breathing space and extend your options. My in-laws were over-bearing too. But my ex didn't tell them. Bet your H wouldn't either if he has a friend/sibling or hotel to stay at/with.

sternface · 19/07/2012 13:00

No difference at all as far as you're concerned, or at least in the way you might think. I bet these women weren't longstanding friends - just women he knew years ago and had no contact with for years. From his own point of view, the fact that he knew something about these women's antecedents probably gave him a level of safety in that they were chosen because they wouldn't rock the boat too much, make demands on him or were extremely vulnerable to scraps of attention. Good luck with the counselling.

Giraffe, also good luck with the confrontation. Do more listening and asking questions than talking and making on-the-spot decisions. Get the info you need and reflect.

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