partner leaving to work abroad

[chloe2727]

not sure if i should even be on this site but really need someone to talk to...my partner of 8 years is leaving to take a job abroad for 2 years...we have no children together although i have children of my own..they have all left home apart from the youngest who is 17. neither of us have ever been married and started living together within months of meeting.

he is taking a job in the most remotest place i can think of...the island of st helena..its a 9 hour flight on an RAF plane then another 2 days on an RAF boat to even get there...he leaves in 4 weeks

he has said i should go with him...but i also have 5 small grandchildren all aged under 4...my kids live 5 minutes away from us.

i cant leave my family behind...my children and grandchildren are my world and i couldnt imagine not being able to hold any one of them even for a day.

when he leaves i wont see him for a whole year as he can only take 30 days leave from the island at the end of july next year..

he says he will still pay the household bills from his end...and talks as though he will be coming home.

i know im probably sounding silly...but my heart is breaking at the thought of him leaving..he is my soul mate,my hope for the future..

i cant begin to imagine how i will live my life without him...im counting the days until he leaves..i feel like my world has come to an end..i have an ache in my heart that wont go away, i cant stop crying, i go to bed with a broken heart and wake up feeling the same way...i know it sounds crazy and probably not the right thing to say...but to me it seems like im just waiting for him to die...he says all these things about how hes doing it for us and how he will be back and i so desperately want to believe him but my mind wont let me (been hurt so bad in the past)

i have no friends to lean on for support and my children just dont seem to understand the pain im feeling...

please please please tell me how i can survive this

It really sounds to me as though he comes second in your life

It sounds as though they both come second in each other's life. He puts his career first and she puts her children and grandchildren first. Neither of them treat the relationship as priority, although I think he's offering a bit more of a compromise than she is, by inviting her along.

I sympathise and I'm sorry you're finding it hard, OP, but it seems to be both of your choice, really, so maybe it's for the best.

Op it sound sto me as though your DP has been trying to tell you about his plkans for some time. Perhpas you only heard what you wanted to hear?

You say your family are your 'life'. But perhaps that's just not eough for him. I don't htink it would be enough for many people.

If I were you, I would go with him. Have an adventure together.

Life is too darn short to spend it all looking after DC then GDC.

Good one

Hi everyone i just discovered about this website after spending the past couple of days trying to reassure convince myself everythings gonna get better when my bf will be away.
My bf of 3 years is living for a job opportunity for 2years in Singapore.
He cannot say no and refuse the offer because he’s just a temp at the company and wants to make it somewhere in life too.
The thing is that we living in the France and there’s +6h time zone difference and i dont know we’ll manage talking and communicating with each other because i’ll be in school till 5pm and him at work i don’t know yet.
So in the end its really complicated when we thought about it and we don’t know if its better to end it right now and enjoy our last moments together or to go with the flow and see how life does this ldr for us.
For now we decided to go with it but hes leaving in a month and a half and time is going by so fast .
My life is complicated right now by itself and him in it makes me happier gives me hope and desire to pursue my life and not end it.
He has an important role in my life and letting him go over there breaks my heart.
I’m taking sleeping pills because i dont know if i’d be able to sleep at night since mt heart aches and im not comfortable with the fact hes leaving and i’ll only see him once a year.
We’re scared our feelings will change or that we’ll fall out of love because of distance.
Any advice could help thank you!!

I believe that the covid restrictions changed people's perspective on life

I agree that this is an incredible opportunity & would look good on a CV

Your DP has agreed to continue to pay your expenses while he is away

You are a "home person", so I don't see the issue

Some countries have an age restriction for teaching jobs abroad, so he is the perfect age to go

I would support him with his dream job !

@edmonda3112 , you might want to start your own thread. You’ll get adv ice and support there.

@edmonda3112 - you need to start your own thread so people reply to you.

I know this thread was resurrected by accident but now I want to know what happened!
Did he come back?
Did they stay together??

How do i do that?

How do i do that?

@edmonda3112 - I don’t know (have never started a thread) but if you go onto the Mumsnet website and click through to the relationships board, I’m sorry re it will be obvious how to post a message.