Weekends...

[Pickles77]

Does anybody think that if I book a weekend away, and get XP to come along, talk & have a great time it will work? He'll see sense? Want to be a family... Slowly try again?

Or

Am I being a crazy lady?

Im being a crazy lady again aren't I? :(

Yes she's amazing & you will be too! It was alot easier having a baby without a man child around I found! There are some good men but the rest of the twunts suck even more energy out of you when you need it for your baby. They get jealous of the baby getting all the attention & act like twats. I see it daily in my work!

Hello pickles, just wanted to say that I was in the same position as you 8 years ago. I am so far out the other side, I hardly every even look back. It was really hard, but I just gave myself little targets to get to (survive the next week, go to the baby club, get dressed by 10am!) until they slowly got bigger (buy a house, go for a promotion) and now my life is pretty amazing!

It is bloody hard work, but I am so glad that me and my DS are free of my X. My mum said to me at the time that I would be fine, that time would heal, and that no woman believes that at the time, but it is true. And it is. Honestly from the bottom of my heart, it will all be fine.

In fact, now, I feel that my funny little family is what it was meant to be. We are a great little team and it would seem very odd to have my X in my life.

So my top tip, is take baby steps. Then in a few months toddler steps. Then bloody great big strides as you give him the finger and crack on with your amazing life. Sorry long post.

borrowed - good to hear your story, this is exactly what Pickles needs, to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel :)

Pickles - choco is amazing, she is an inspiration to all women in your situation. she's not on much at the moment because of the baby, but try and follow her thread and blog if you can.

Midwife - thanks for the support on here for Pickles and putting the links on :) I was going to when I got on the computer as couldnt do it on phone either, lol

Pickles - You sound much brighter today. I think that the weekends ar the hardest for all of us. try your Sure Start centre again, maybe a different group. I have come across a wide variety of people at mine, some professional, some a little bit thick some working PT, some SAHM, some totally up their own arses and some who are totally lovely. The local childrens centre provided me with support and counselling when my H walked out and I did an Incredible Years parenting course there to try and help with my wilful DD! I also did a cookery course, a weekly stay and play, a numeracy course and a literacy course (didnt need either of them, but it got me out of the house and I got a C & G qualification equal to grade C GCSE, (which I already got at school many years ago, lol) but it was good to refresh the old brain matter and to meet other mums, drink coffee, talk and stuff.

Im not sure how rural/urban it is where you live, but if you dont like the toddler group in your village, try the next village or town. A lot of people come to ours from other villages as they dont like their own.

Thank you for helping to
Pick me up again guys really do appreciate it xx

Hi Pickles, I found that baby groups with a purpose were more for me - I always felt a bit awkward about just turning up to chat to other mums (I'm a bit shy with new people)

Baby massage classes for very young babies, or something like baby sign language or music classes when they're a bit bigger, give you a focus while you're there.

You can still meet new people and chat to them at the start & end of the session, but there isn't that same expectation that you have to sit and talk to them for an hour, which was more comfortable to me.

There are lots of different types of mum, I never felt like a natural mum, had never even held a baby before DS1, but I've played it by ear and my 3 DCs are so fantastic, bright, loving and happy now, you will find your own way and you'll be great.

Thank you, thats how i feel, awkward.

Its even worse because im still pining for him :(

Pickles will you please stop starting new threads, I can't keep up

I've only read your op of this one, haven't time to do all seven pages...

I assume you've been argued out of that daft idea of going away for a weekend with twunt?

AHHHHH there you are :)
This is my only thread now, i was pretty close to outing myself on the other one.
Urm yes i guess i have got that idea out of my head but i am still pining for him but im also having a bad few days too :(

hope your well

Ive stupidly just had another text conversation with my STBXH. I tell everybody else not to do it, but cant stop myself......

Sundays are always a bad day, because he is off having fun with DD and Im stuck here working. But Im off on holiday tomorrow with DD. First one as a single mum.... But we will be fine. Beach, park, swimming, all depends on the weather!

I think now, that Im pining for the life I thought I had, Im not pining for the man. You will be the same, wanting the life that you think you should have, not the life that you have actually got. But like we all said, it will be fine...

Oh sky I feel what u mean, u know you shouldn't but u can't help it. Don't beat yourself up please

Does the not knowing ever get to anyone ? I'm laid in bed and I think it's the not knowing what hes thinking, if he's thinking about me.... If he's slept with anyone else? If anyone has slept on my side of the bed?
Does anyone get that.?

I know what mine is doing right now! Shagging his cousin!

Eeewewww!

eeeeeeek midwife !

just popped in to say hello Pickles, then I got that little gem of info! nice!

I keep missing your thread sorry.
Yes with my long ago ex that took a very long long time to get over, I did think like that for a very long time. but not all the time after a short while just now and again, it does ease off.

hope you are doing ok?

I'm sure I read somewhere that it theoretically takes a month for every 6 months of a relationship to get over it (I.e.it will take 6 months to get over a 3 year relationship) so these things do take time.

Yes the not knowing is hard, but finding out they are sleeping with someone else is harder IMO. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Am sure this post had a point when I started but I've kind of lost the plot somewhere. Sorry

Oh no- that's ages hels

I did think a lot about what he was up to all the time when he first left, but now , 3 months on, I don't give it a second thought.

When he first left it broke my heart to think of him with somebody else but now I just don't think about it at all.

You will get there in time,

Wasn't meaning to depress you Pickles, was just trying to point out that you don't just flip a switch & forget all about a relationship. It does take time but you can get over it.

Thanks Hels, that's 20 months for me then..

I know I weren't hels
I have days days days and days.
I want a lot more days before baby comes!

You werrnt is what I meant

Do you think writing a letter to xp about how I feel might get across how i feel and provoke some emotion

Well you could write it to get it out but maybe not send it?
I think sending it could lead to more hurt, sorry but he sounds like he just doesn't care & how are you going to feel if you pour your heart out to him & he ignores it?

Trying to get emotion from some blokes is like getting blood out of a stone Pickles. The more energy you waste trying, the more you want them to show that they understand what they have done, the more pain you are in when it doesn't happen.

I did get a brief apology from my stbxh, but then he went straight back into self-preservation mode where he pretends that all is well and he has done nothing wrong, which is even more frustrating in a way.

That tiny window of emotion was very satisfying but it also made me so angry that he could KNOW what he'd done and still not be able to (or not want to) make it better after 13 years together. (That means it will take me over 2 years to get over then! )

If you want to get things off your chest you'll get much more emotion and validation on here than you ever will from him. I think he's shown his true colours and you can safely detach from him knowing that nothing you could say or do would have made him act differently (other than not having this child, which would have been far too big a sacrifice to make for someone so callous and selfish). You can do it.

i know what you mean, im stepping away from the stamps.
Just having a bad day, just got my assesment from my counsillor through te post and seeing my issues written in black and white has distressed me somewhat and them using language such as 'severe' and 'urgent priority case' just panics me...