Weekends...

[Pickles77]

Does anybody think that if I book a weekend away, and get XP to come along, talk & have a great time it will work? He'll see sense? Want to be a family... Slowly try again?

Or

Am I being a crazy lady?

Im being a crazy lady again aren't I? :(

BTW... You have every choice about him seeing the baby. You're not married so there's no automatic right, he probably won't want his name on the BC and, even if he contributes through the CSA, I can't see him sacrificing one minute of his time to be with a child he doesn't want. My friend's DD is 13, the father walked out on her mum when she was pregnant, had a paternity test (positive), pays up his maintenance but hasn't seen the girl once her whole life.

I'm not surprised you feel awful you are in a frightfully vulnerable state - who wouldn't be in your situation but you can turn this around - you can it just feels like you can't just now. Your exp needs to grow a pair but only he can do that - you can't make him sadly. Do you really want him in a relationship with you under duress anyway? You are worth so much more and in a few months things will be shockingly different. You will move on and make a success of being a mum and there will be new relationships in the future.
In the meantime I v much think you need a distraction. Get to the library and find something to concentrate on - baby books novels whatever - just not chick lit relationship stuff. My mum prescribed Harry potter once to get over a bloke - worked brilliantly! You just need to find that one thing that lets you escape. What about tv box sets? True blood? Lost? Anything that lasts a while might do it. But keep talking we are all on your side x

That's good to know

Friend of a friend's husband left her a week before her DS was born. Her DS is now a year and a half, she is divorced, has a new job and has met a lovely bloke who adores her and her DS- you wouldn't know her DP isn't her DS's dad. As others have said, you'll find someone and most importantly, you'll be a good mum.

In the meantime, distract yourself as scarred said. Good luck x

Are there any good books on getting over someone?

The only books that help are the type that are very, very long and very, very absorbing. Try ploughing through the entire Harry Potter series, for example. By the time you've finished reading them all, you will be several months further down the road and your life and your feelings will have changed. Time heals.

Good idea

I don't know about books but what you can do is go and do all the things you never did/never allowed yourself to do when you were with Mr funt. I know several friends of mine, when they were in relationships felt that they couldn't do things like - paint their nails bright green (silly, I know), or colour their hair/cut their hair, or go to see a particular film/play, or buy/wear a particular thing, or go to a particular place on holiday.

You could try 'feel the fear and do it anyway' as a starter? Or get hold of a copy of 'The Social baby' which we used when DD was tiny - some really good ideas although it's a bit lentil-weavy in places.
:)

Thank you, I am going to change my hair!
And yes that's true he didn't like some things I wore so even though
Not great forecast today I am wearing a fabulous maxi dress that he hated with a
Passion!!!

This book has been recommended - "I can mend your broken heart" by Paul McKenna.

Quote "Really good so far. There's a trance cd too which you listen to to help you move on"

Havent read it myself, but person who is reading it has been through the mill lately too, so if they say its good, it must be helping.

Thank you I think I shall invest anything helps!

Good to hear about the hair re-do and the maxi dress. Go for it! If you want to walk around indoors in a bikini, wellies and fairy wings - do. If you want to sit on the sofa, eating chips and chocolate, watching Eastenders -do!

I've heard good things about Paul McKenna too, so you might want to include him in your plans, so to speak!

I think me and mr McKenna might get a bit of a relationship going!
So far had 2 comments on my maxi dress, think its amazed people I've made an effort today!!

I think I should get it myself actually!

Well I'll give anything a go at the mo!

Hey Pickles

I think what you have to remind yourself is that it is not your baby that split you up.
It was XP that split you up. He promised you comitment in the future but it turns out he NEVER ment it. He may have thought he did at the time but when it came down to it it knew he didnt. If he couldn't commit now to you and your child it means he was never serious about the future if he had been, he would have dropped everything.

SO this also means that if you had 'done what he wanted' there is no way your realtionship would have survived I'm afraid.
Your head would have been a big mess, you weren't even over the first time it happened. He wouldnt have supported you being in a 'mess'. HE would have told you it's all drama and all your fault, just like he is now. He would have left you at home and gone out with his friends. He would have not understood you pain, just like now.
The operation would have been horrendus past 20 weeks and you would have known all about it. I have just had my 20 week scan, there's a real baby in there. While I am in no way against abortion, I do understand that it isn't a descision taken lightly and at the late stages it really even more horrendus to go through, even for those who truly don't want to be a parent. Yet it was a descision taken lightly for him. A quick solution to an inconveinient problem for him.
You have to think why the hell was it such a problem when he was supposedly commited to a furture with you. The answer to me is he just wasn't. He just liked having the upper hand and someone to control. When you became hard to control he went looking else where and oh boy is he punishing you for that 'inconvienience.'

Sorry to be harsh, really I am, but I as you now have followed this from the first day you posted your other thread. I have thought about it a lot and I have seen the bigger picture.

Not many knew mums know what to do with there babies. We ALL have doubts while we are pregnant even if we don't always admit it. They are difficult at times and amazing at times. But you don't have choice when you have them in your arms, you just get on with it. We all have hard days and nights but we have good ones too. Even though I do have a DH, I was breast feeding and he was working about 55 hours a week and he couldn't do much with the night feeds as it was me that needed to feed her. I was basically alone in the care for the most part and I coped... I am flaky at the best of times! And I surpassed myself so if I can, you can and you will!

long post. sorry!

Thank you mrswee., you really speak sense. I am going to keep re reading that to get me through. I really appreciate it- you weren't being harsh at all x

I know it's only ten past five but I've had to
See the consultant and midwife today... This morning.
I know I shouldnt have expected it but.... Have had not even a text from twunt to see if baby is okay

How can you say your not interested, but want to see her and be the birth but not even check if she's still alive after the stress he's caused?

I'm so angry on behalf of my baby [angry

RANT OVER hope your all okay, & dd is fine

I think the attitude you have experienced today sets the precedent, unfortunately Pickles - as many have said here, consider yourself well-rid.

Hope the meeting/consultation went well though - I must confess I found some of them incredibly tedious, but the midwife I was assigned during pregnancy was lovely.

Finish being angry then go and do something fun. Not the weather for maxi-dresses today though, probably. :)

I so but not surprised! All went well, not too bad tedious wise.

I am so mad I'm in my pjs that he hated with great big sheep on- my manky slippers and I'm with two
Men- Ben and jerry!!!

Angry is better than pining. Gives you an energy boost and a clear head for a while. Put the ice-cream down and do something constructive before it wears off.

Is constructive doing my birth plan?? Cos
I'm on that whilst MNing...

Maybe he forgot

I'm sure he did forget. Selfish arseholes only ever have one think worth thinking about in life... themselves!!! Make sure your birth plan includes a clause about circulating a photo of twunt to hospital security with the instructions 'shoot to kill' just in case.

'thing'.. not 'think'

My mum is wetting herself at that.... And me.