Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

But then again, meeting her was also like meeting someone radically new. And also like meeting someone i'd wanted to meet for a long time, but hadn't known she existed. I know that sounds contradictory. I'm amazed it took me 6 months to realise the extent of my feelings.

yes, it is a shame but i believe we meet the people we meet for a specific reason, and it's not always the reason we would like. perhaps for both of us, we couldn't have gotten through the next chapter of our lives without having met our WIQ, and who knows what the future holds?

I would echo everything you've said about knowing now why you've been depressed... and I would add that it also now seems clear to me why i've had problems hanging on to female friendships for any length of time; i was always slightly uncomfortable with my feelings. not that i was in love with any of them, but i would suspect that i was trying very hard not to find them sexually attractive!

the difference is, Not For, that outmy is gay from what I can see, and you are still bi - still happy with dp, similar to Emma (new poster), so your feelings for women are bound to be less desperate and more diluted in general though at the moment you aer raring to go as it's new and exciting to decide to act on it. I don't think all your friendships would have ended up in attraction - it's same as not fancying every man, why would you fancy a woman friend just because she's a woman? you'd have to be a nympho! outmy (and I) seem to be fanciyong only a very chosen few, and only one wiq really strongly. It's good that you fancy wiq AND the pool woman - it just proves my point that it's 'diluted' with you by being with a man in the same time. I'm not gay bu talso bi, but as I haven't been with a man for a year now I feel very detached and un-distracted by tem (but I could be distracted in theory), outmy prob couldn't, well a tiny chance.

outmy, so what did you decide re volunteering? did wiq not say a word to you today - and not a look? she is bloody rude! I don't neccessarily think she is repressed, she can well be weird/game-player. Or she could be respressed that could imagine fancying you but would never in a million years act on it, which is not better - you can't do anything about it! I donb't think you imagined it all - you described in detail and I still think she was up for a little play/distraction maybe and some teasing with no substance.
My wiq is really not a tease by mature. Also as i said, when she looked me up and down in a very lingering way, she thought i wasn't looking (i could see with side vision) but she had a few drinks so prob just didn't focus so much whether i can notice. It was genuine and she was doing it for herself - of course it could be just looking at my clothes and figure in non sexual way, but together with touching fingers and both immediately looking at each other, and other things i think she may be attracted. She can definetely be repressed though and minding how it will look socially - I already talked a lot about it before! I think it's that and the big age gap that may be stopping her - how do I deal with that?

NotFor - I would be up for touching her hand as if by chance, it's just we never just sit face to face with drinks - she never offers. So the actual chance is low. But in the past i did say we like standing close to each other especially under some pretence (having to do smth).

it all sounds now as if I'm sure she's attracted - I'm not! This is te best scenario. My doubt is based mainly on the fact that she's like that (as described above) when she has been drinking, but it's not the same when sober (and sometimes very off then - though she was caring last time when sober, just no lingering looks etc). What if sje just generally gets a bit aroused when drunk, you know by pretty much anyone attractive but would never take this seriously? can you trust the signs under the influence?

I'm not saying I'm attracted to every woman i meet! i'm much too tired for that!

i really should go to bed... night all

well I meant friends as that's who you were talking about , but anyway try upping the ante with CW next time, I think something may well come out of it!

Wow you lot are busy on this post. love it though as its making think loads about my situation

making me think loads !!

I'm still hoping for that pm with the bedroom tips, Emma ! you aer obv the most experienced (by far) on here at the moment.
Did you talk to dh, addressed his worries? hope you saw my post after your last one with suggestions.

yes thank you; I did see them and they plus lots of reading here have really help me. Need to find how to pm. I haven't forgotten your request, Likea. Please bear with me. I'm not that computer savvy.

I did start 2 posts but lost the lot.

Just wanted to comment on Notfor's tip: What if we started 'expecting' women to be gay/bi until proven otherwise? Perhaps that's one way of overcoming the psychological barrier; not by throwing ourselves at every woman we see, of course, but in terms of confidence and eye contact, what if we started to train ourselves to expect women to find us sexually attractive?

Wise words I think. I was lucky enough to be hanging out in London 1989 onwards when lipstick lesbians started going out. Lesbians were no longer butch, dungaree wearing dykes but attractive and sexy. You could go out and expect women to be gay/bi and the confidence it gave you was impowering.

And thank you, Notfor, for mentioning Pride. I was there late 80s, early 90s. I am reminded of what a wonderful celebration it was. And it's come to me that the way I need to talk to DH is not from a worrying stand-point, but one of celebration. Fantastic.

Thanks Emma. Sounds like you had some seriously fun times! I'm totally with you on the celebration thing; let's be proud of the unique wonderful creatures that we all are. We've all arrived at this point because of a totally unique set of circumstances which made us who we are. I'm tempted to buy one of those pink/purple/blue wristbands this year!

Saw CW on her bike this morning; she was looking at me in that addictive way of hers and smiling her pretty smile. I shyly smiled back and made eye contact, and she seemed to be saying something I couldn't make out... probably just 'hello' To be honest I looked down again, mainly because I didn't want to cause an accident! (she'd taken her eyes off the road, as they were firmly on me as she passed by). It didn't seem like the most appropriate time for me to be upping the ante!

Hi everyone. Just dropping in and catching up a bit. Haven't been to the tavern for a while. Wow, EmmaDilemma, interesting to read your posts. Sounds like you have managed to fashion the best of both worlds

hi outmy, a reply at last! You didn't say whether your dc is ok now? you seem much busier and distracted as usual (well not today of course). Thanks for your thoughts, always very helpful. Nice to know you think she's attracted, but yes, she can be very repressed ppurely as she lived a trad life and she's of the older generation (I mean I've no idea whether she had flings with women - might have done, but if so, it really sounds thatshe never came out socially! not at all). So you think that I should should try to talk her out of this social secretiveness/age gap reservations? do you think it could work? I can try, but what worries me is that she usually is direct when she wants something she goes for it - seen it with people generally, she's not a wallflower though she can be quite diplomatic (i.e. no bull in a china shop), sop the fact she hasn'tr really gone for it with me means she doesn't really want to or see it as workable. And yes, it'd be so much easier if at least I was fron her sircle of friends and/or closer to her age. As I say I wouln't want just a bit of secret funj - it will break my heart if that's all she wants, but I'd be willing to keep it secret for a hile until we aer both sure if we got involved. I could tell her this, I mean tbh what other choice is there. Or do you think I shgould wait and hope she offers something while escalating the flirting and vibes? Also do yo uthink when people aer a bit drunk they don't really give reliable signals (i.e. it can all be exaggerate and not real)?
I only asked if your wiq talked, meaning just 'helo' when walking past as she did at other times. You did say you saw her so ibv you wre looking in her dorection so I wonder whether she noticed and also looked or could ve waled past. I think she's acting too pissed off to be repressed - she'd be more wistful/sad if she was as she did initiate things before (it's not like you just imposed), but can be angry that for her the game wa finished a while ago and you still carrying a torch - I do think she's just not nice. Hard to know what sjhhe is like with others as you don't seem to know.

Well, yes outmy, I think Emma should educate us about the bedroom if she's comforatble enough to post sex stuff on here, but if not she could pm me and copy the same to you .
Emma all you do is press 'Message poster' above any of my posts in the top right corner. But as i say if you aer fine to write on here, that's fine!

Thank you Outmy. I figured the best would be to post bits n pieces as my long and much deliberated posts were working

And you know I'm using the same theory, having snippets of deep meaningful conversations, with DH at the mo.

Lo and behold, instead of him flying off the handle, we are talking well. Not shouting.

Me not crying.

Notfor, do tell how you & your DH came to where you seem to be? Happy with what you want.