Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

what right after the note? it was a lie though, nobody does all she did whern just friendly, and you were not friends as such.
so any wisdom re handling rejection?

i remember it was you apologising and she just 'accepted' as if doing you a favour, no apologies then, no proper chat even if short.

thanks outmy! I did get it right with apologies to your wiq. as i say she lied and never had hte kindnessto explain properly, after giving WAY too many signals that she's attracted to you.

Outmye - i think your last question for me was a while back but yes I have spoken to dh about my feelings and he says she seems very confused, and seems not to know how to handle her feelings (or mine). If you knew more about the work/status thing it would probably make more sense to everyone as to why she blows hot and cold. she's in a very, very difficult position and dh is of course well aware of this. can't say any more because i might out myself.

He also thinks CW might be much more straightfoward as she seems much more comfortable about her leanings, but knows it's unlikely we'll meet again until term starts.

Likea - judging from vibes and looks and her upfront nature i have had strong inklings of something deeper being possible with CW, but as our conversations haven't been as plentiful or as long as those i've had with wiq, it's still quite difficult to say for sure.

well, it's hardly long to wait till the term starts! patience!
I think outmy (and I) find it hard to accept that your dh is so ok with all this, especially if he knew you were getting quite obsessive (or emotional)! maybe you aer hiding it well, but if he knew i doubt it that he wouldn't worry.

i think he probably does worry a bit. has told me to stop overthinking everything. he doesn't quite get what i see in wiq and sees her flaws more than her good points. says she seems quite arrogant but then to be honest that's a flaw he suffers from to an extent too, so pots and kettles. I think i am drawn to a type, male or female.

I think NotFor's dh IS steering her towards CW, but is careful not to push as she may feel headstrong. Whatever we know or not know, wiq is with a partner and is pg most likely, that's enough of a reason to let go of her!

outmy, she just recently sent a text. Very pleased with the present and she did say that the card was very touching, put an x, which hasnt done for ages, but then this could in response as i did that on the card. I don't feel like telling her nore by text now - she ended with see you soon and just sounded genuinely happy, I don't want to burden/pressurise her on her b-day as she obviously had a long lunch with friends and is happy about me, I don't feel like upsetting the balance right now. She sounded like she looks forward to seeing me, so I'll wait. I may send a letter beforehand, BUT ther is a chance (extremely rare recently) that there won;t be anyone around when i see her next w/end (ds going away), maybe this will be the ideal opportunity. If this is not the case i will hand her a note on leaving. In a way letter is good idea as then there is follow up meeting arranged, but i leave a note next time there will be possibly two weeks, although of course i can see her anytime if she wants to talk. So slight advantage of the letter now, but also disadvantages if she is not interetsed and will HAVE to see me next w/end. I'm happier today though, not nearly as anxious, text was very warm (though don't know why she left it till quite late).

she hasn't done
telling her more

it's good she hasn't ignored the compliment, and not said something like 'you shouldn't say these things' even as a joke, isn't it?

meant to add that in her relaxed/euphoric state she won't be up to dealig with some serious revelations, especially as she couldn't just ignore them! I think it makes sense, I'm not just chickening out, just think what'd be better for her.

Just caught up on things......

Pleased for you, Likea, that WIQ has matched your thoughtfulness with thanks. I think you've thought out the next step pretty well; for your own sake, I think you need to feel in control when you meet so .... keep positive.

NotFor - so how are you feeling about WIQ now after your catch up and then bumping into her? If you still want to give her a chance, you'll need to meet again this week. Follow up on the gay lead she gave you or just get to know her more. I certainly felt the hot and cooler vibes from my WIQ before she made our usual kiss goodbye more than usual.

So then ladies, Likea and Outmy think no get-away with DCs. Really? Is that because you don't think it will be private enough. I'm thinking there's no way DCs would know what happen after their bedtime. Also I'm thinking that for DHs its more palatable. Not a dirty weekend away. They have indeed said they are ok with it but in practice both WIQ and I have daily wobbles to deal with (although yesterday DH called WIQ "your girlfriend, you lucky thing" !!

Likea - glad your WIQ acknowledged your note and compliment. Hope you get some answers soon.

Happy - as you and your WIQ are in the same boat I doubt it matters if the DCs are there with you. Can see that a weekend a deux might be viewed in a different way by your DHs. I'm bowled over by how relaxed your DH is about it all. When are you planning to go? You'll probably arrive back home to find your DHs in bed together What are your wobbles? Can we help?

Cao - are you ok? Any news on your WIQ? Sending you thoughts and hope the situation has improved.

Happytit - I'm feeling mixed, really. I'm pretty sure i'm not imagining things from her end, but I see how complex the situation is. being there with her mil and dp really hit home to me. (or it did after i'd sobered up later, anyway!) if i was her, there's no way i could hurt him, he seems incredibly sweet and obviously thinks the world of her. As do i . It's made me feel very selfish for feeling the way i do.

We won't be seeing each other this week, as i won't be around (in case anyone on here starts wondering where i've got to!). it was incredibly hard asking her 'out' the first time, and i don't think i've got the guts to do it again any time soon.

In terms of you having the dcs there, i can see pros and cons to it. On one hand it'd be almost like being a 'blended' family for a week so might start to feel a bit heavy. on the other hand you wouldn't have to feel guilty about having snuck off to enjoy yourselves and left them at home. and you're right, they won't pick up on vibes, they'll be too busy running round like mad things, enjoying each other's company.

Likea -i'm really glad she responded so well to your card and the sentiments therein. i think you've been really brave and there's definitely room now for you to follow things up. well done :-)

I'm sure HappyTit meant 'daily wobbles from DHs' not from her and wiq, Loveis! Happy, the only question that crosses my mind, would you be fine with dh having a fling too if he was open about it - he may feel it's unfair for him to stay loyal while you aer free, hence that 'you lucky thing'?
outmy, bear in mind that she was texting after a long and merry lunch and might not have though very carefully, just was is a nice mood, it was genuine but it could be less 'generous' of she was sober. So I'm still careful not to hope too much (even though I want to). I texted her back much later just to say i'm pleased and to wish her good night, but she didn't reply to that, I mean it's no bog deal, but she didn't stay in some 'lovey-dovey' or very close to me mood, so it looks like she doiesn't want to feed this TOO much. I will now wait tii next w/end but now I have o be worried all week as she may be in completely diff mood again, or some stress will come up meanwhile, or for all i know the man will be back from his holiday (unless he is already). I will hand the note in any case, but I'm hoping for hte best scenario, i.e. the mood being right to actually talk to her, possibly will ask if we could have a glass of wine together as i wanted to talk a little? the note is fine, but it's then waiting for response, she will have to phone me as doesn't know my exact address, would she want to do that (texts wd be ok as a start but obv not enough). I can offer to come and see her though i she wanted to.
I'm hearterned by what Happy says, that wiq was giving her cool/warm for a hwile too, so it's not a bad thing.

thanks NotFor - I'm really not brave though, so many stops and starts, the compliment wasn't too obviously stating the attraction, it could be said to a good friend or close relative also. I COULD hjave said more, also it's he outcome that matters really and am very nervous about that.
Good for you to have a break - the right timing! hope CW is back by then.

what i find extremely draining and hard to deal with is my own change from optimism to pessimism, at times i can see so clearly how it can work and that she does have feelings, it's almost like it's already a reality, then at others I just feel 'nothing 's going to happen and she has no clue or doesn't want to know' - that's why i reached my limit and have to know. if i was steadily confident i could be still building it up so that she is ready (if she'd ever be) but I'm not.

I'm also still so hoping she'll help me out a bit! like suggests we have a drink, or initiates something about what i said on the card. It's so tough without clear encouragement, even though over the moon with warm responses always.

hi outmy, have had a nice w/end with dc? hopefully you aer starting to distract and enjoy life a little.
I'm nervous yes, and the worst ting aer these swings from positive to thinking I'm deluded and it's sand castle (you know what that means I'm sure ). Do you agree though that she is not REALLY encouraging as she could have fot involved in late night texting (just a little) if only to send a good night. I'd see that as encouragement, but as it is I'm none the wiser, she could be just grateful without being interested. And do you think 'very touching' is something that you'd use to anyone rather than to someone you aer attracted to (instead of saying a compliment too or having a more excited reaction)? sorry more q's, it won't be much more if any for now, but you probably hoped for no pestering with q's for a few days !

*have you

dread to think what is happening with Cao's wiq. I find it extremely strange that there are no relatives/friends of her wiq who are there too..