Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

Likea, I've tried to do some subtle digging on the pg front. She was asking me if i'd always wanted children, and I answered honestly and then said 'do you?' she just said she did, but that it's not that easy for some people. On the other hand she's still on the orange juice. I mean when i was expecting my second dc, I didn't tell people till I was about 5 months gone, so i suppose if she is, and she's not even telling close friends yet, there's no reason why she should tell me. And she does seem to have a lot of people that she's closer to than she is with me. I was wondering if she would even have room in her life for me.

Hi Happytit, I'm fine thanks, in answer to your earlier question. And sooo at your weekend away with wiq. I really shouldn't read your posts when I'm a bit drunk... I get such ideas!

Likea - I thought going away with DCs would be first step, city break on our own second! DCs are all 7 and under; they won't sense anything other than loving being away with best friends! I can do quiet, it will be our first time!

NotFor, was she a drinker before? tbh i think she is pg. and in this case no room for others for a long while. where is that CW fgs . it sounds like she discusses yoy with dp, but even if it so happened that he was same as yours and fine with her flings (i doubt it, too good to be true) nothing will happen for years if she is expecting. would you want to wait??

what if she can't do quiet ? you could try just one night away maybe? or why not meet her at a hotel one evening, not overnight - i still think it's best to be in private first time round especially! but if you both think it's a good idea , then of course go for it.

yes, happytit, perhaps i do feel in control a little bit more now, I didn't let my crush dictate how our get-together went, and I also felt quite confident this evening, which makes a change.

Likea -yeah, in the months i've known her (up until the night of my realisation) she was at every social gathering and quite amusing when drunk, and she was telling me the other night about how (even before i started there) she used to go to absolutely everything, and then a few months ago she realised she was barely ever getting to see dp. Which would co-incide with what i've noticed about her. I know, her being pg is/would be a big red flag indeed. it's not that i wouldn't wait, necessarily, it's more that i don't think she would want me to.

outmy, in this case it wasn't acting - she asked me how did i know it was her b-day soon, she forgot the conversation we had end of last year (not surprised at that), possibly she thought i was googling her - i said i remembered but she was still surprised even at that, as she obv didn't remember mine - btw didn't ask when mine was either, not sure whether that's a good sign!

Outmy, you see I'm assuming that whatever she has told him, it hasn't been anything bad, or that would make me dislike her. I could be wrong. Why, what kind of things do you think she might have said?

NotF she could hae told him you were coming on to her strongly - BUT kept quiet about her own flirting.

outmy - yes, a bit although it's wearing off a bit now. it didn't occur to me that they might want to sit elsewhere. I'm glad you've found at least some of the answers you were looking for with your wiq, even if it wasn't quite what you were hoping for. You know your gaydar's in full working order.

I just realised i had a big bogey stuck to my nose really hoping it hasn't been there for hours and hours. God, i neeed to go to bed!

outmy - I googled wiq long ago as she is on a business network linkedin, but that's what anyone would do as no private stuff there, still interestig to know what she studied. Hardly a crime. But as you know i did look at things laying around in view at her place (but still wasn't supposed to) so I'm hardly being sarcastic, I actually did mean it that she could think i found out on a network, but it's funny how this followed your own googling post so I've put a grin there!

facebook is also public property, I'm just against you obsessing about her patrners - not because it's indiscreet (as she put it on for all to see) but because it gets you stuck.

you say, outmy, that if wiq doesn't work out i could switch back to men (which i laso mantioned at some point) - I ve been thinking about it and i really doubt it, which is frigtening. Yes i felt chemistry with the guy as i described, and occasionally fancy lhe look of someone, but something switched off as i can't see myself in actual relationship with a man anymore! it's like the sexual side is still possible (hence I'm not gay but bi) but i feel very disconnected emotionally and i just am not attacted deeply, only on supreficial level. This is so strange as I always had r-ships beforem very few just casual flings (or at least i wanted one even if he wasn't after long term). I also noticed that there is less interest in me from men - not physically but generally which really seems like i send those 'barrier' vibes to the, as I'm not doing anything different, but don't feel like flirting i suppose (very rarely). I don't know whether it's the effect of wiq (as even if you aer hetero and in love with someone you may be indifferent to others) or is it a permanent disconnection and wanting emotional r-ship with a woman. It's a bit scary that if wiq rejects me, i will be lost as I don't fancy women in general and it takes a rare one, but with men there is this loss of connection emotionally so it's the other way round, takes an very particular one to want a r-ship with even if i can fancy a few. it may be a very isolating situation, though of course there is an option to be single. Do you think you can be single indefinitely or does the thought make you sad?

Likea - I'm sure it's more about finding a connection with someone, whether they are male or female. Also your WIQ has taken up a lot of your time and head space recently so you probably haven't been aware of potential suitors queuing up round the hedge

CAO - any news? Are you ok? Watched an Ang Lee film last night set in Shanghai in honour of you and your WIQ. Really hoping you will get some positive and happy news.

Loveis - I hope so. Nobody was quesing apar from a married man (for an affair) who has been hoping for years but we are friends and he accepts it now, and apart from much younger men. It's not just that though. Thinking back i never had a very strong connection with any man I've been with (apart from sexual) I didn't love any of then the way i feel about wiq, it was much more 'me, me' with men or highly passionate but short lived (if i was after them and they were after a fling). I sort of can locate my 'deep love' feelings with wiq, they haven't blossomed to the full as I'm being careful with her, but the potential is there as i feel just comletely different towards her (the kind of emotions) then i did with men. There was one (much younger, not in love with me) who i had intense feelings for long term but no r-ship but he couldn;t give me anything, wheraas wiq can also give me a lot (if she chose to, as i can see how caring can she be at times and how she influences me to be my better self).

queuing apart from

Likea - I know what you mean about feeling that the potential is there with wiq for a deeper connection that what you've had with men previously, and that you're partially blocking it off at present in order to protect yourself. I feel the same way at the moment about my wiq, although in my case it doesn't seem to have any grounding the reality of the situation i find myself in.

Perhaps that's natures way of indicating to me that at some point it will happen (with another woman), and that it will revolutionise the way I think about relationships. I would try not to worry too much that your feelings towards men are changing, honestly. We're women, and our sexuality is by definition much more fluid than that of men. You might be Bi at the moment, gay in 10 years time and then back to being 'straight' (whatever that is!) in another 10. All depends on who you meet, ultimately. And how you're feeling at the time. I think i'm starting to come to terms with that fact as the days/weeks/months pass since my awakening.

Still can't get over last night, and how odd it was.

Outmye - in answer to your question about work (which I missed). Things are largely back to normal, but every so often something slightly funny will happen, like a female work colleage will give me a knowing wink (esp when it's someone who wouldnt' normally do that!) and it'll make me wonder what's been said. Like I said in the beginning, it's a very open-minded place most of the time, so i haven't experienced anything overtly negative at least.