Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

Elizabeth, it's not just up to him to decide about r-ship, you should still withold YOU?@R decision until you know him better, don't settle into 'waiting for him' mode as men can sense it and feel pressure, and it's also that you don't REALLY know if he is as good and as right for you long term. But hopefully all will be positive!

just YOUR

Likea - can you text your WIQ on her birthday. That way, it might prompt her to say something and mention your card message if she is going to. Cao's poignant words have really made me think it's better to say something than nothing at all and therefore never know. I know you are gearing up to say something and maybe after all it's best to write something then it gives her a chance to think about it and get back to you in her own time. I still don't think she sounds like the kind of person who would bother looking in her computer history to see what you have doing on the internet.

Outme - sorry to ask as I should probably know this already but did your WIQ ever give any hint that she was gay or bi? If the pics on FB are her GF that would at least explain why she cooled off with you and maybe you should take some comfort in that - in the sense that she already is in a r-ship and therefore wasn't open to something new.

Notfor - your WIQ sounds like she is giving you more mixed signals. I think she was trying to gauge whether you might say something about being bi. Shame she didn't open up about whether she is pregnant or not. Can you perhaps meet up again sometime and have a more frank discussion? Sounds like you need to get closure one way or the other.

To you all - I think we should use Cao's words as a lesson not to hold back. Life is too short. Don't let pride or ego get in the way of finding the truth.

NotFor - here I am again, to see how you are. Maybe your lack of feelings on being with her has something to do with a shift in power, control. These are strong words but perhaps you feel more in control, with her less in a position of power because you set the one to one up and you didn't let the crush overwhelm you. How did you leave it with her? Have you got another meet in the diary? If not I'd make one. Follow up with a phone call, thank her for a nice time, comment on how you appreciate the chat. What you said about the calm before the storm makes perfect sense but don't dwell it. See her again soon. If the gap between the first & second meeting is short, you can easily refer back to her openness about her family and you might feel it right to tell her about your bisexuality.

I'm inclined to think it's her girlfriend, outmy. aer there ANY photos with a man?
Loveis, yes I don't reallt think that she looked - I did erase direct link to this thread. She would look if she was interested in me, as for anyone the impulse would be too great - but she wouldn't 'dig' - only if something was on the surface. If not really interested, then no wouldn't even look. I am thinking of texting if obviously she at least thanks me for present, if it's silence, then no, I wouldn't impose on her b-day (would be prety rude not to thank and why should i emcourage that) - but then would wait ill next meeting. I think she will thank me though, she is polite normally.

the only niggle is, is it not a bit 'off' to text about these things (for the first time)? i think i will but not in a full on mode, just something simple/brief.

in any case, outmy (that's closer to old name!) you really need to distance from her facebook, the point is does it really matter who is her partner? I do think she may be gay, yes, pretty sure, so don't think you wre irrational about her vibes, but other than that, it makes no difference to you who exactly is she with, man or woman. Try online dating with gay or curious women? some aer vey genuine looking for a r-ship.

I mean you could just try it out for a long while, not jump in with anyonem just dates etc. And you never know you may be vERY lucky.

I think it really helps that you decided you are gay, bi sexuality is comlicated as if you aer single and not after anyone you couldn't focus, once you have a focus things come along!

Likea - if you are close enough to give a birthday present and brave enough to put a romantic message in the card, I wouldn't hesistate about contacting her on her birthday. I'm a great believer in momentum. I'm in agreement with Elizabeth, you either really work towards truth or you live in limbo, in fantasy which we all know can be unhealthy.

Outmy - you really do sound as if you're working through your obsessionfeelings. I think many of us for whom attraction to women is new or suppressed can become obsessed. Not a good state to be in when our lives are so multi faceted. We are all in charge of our own happiness, you know happiness your life lies with being with your children. Put yourself there, believe in yourself and your intuitions and I'm sure your happiness will attract another someone.

outmy - it's inevitable that you will have these obsessive moments now and then for a while. Glad that it eased your mind re being rational or not in you interpretation of the vibes. But the thing is you wouldn't know for sure whether it's her partner and that may get you stuck again. That's why i think you shouldn't look at facebook but of course it's normal to have thoughts about her - it will take a while. I'm the same as i wouldn't ywant to look for others if my wiq doesn't 'happen' for a while, but as i don't have kids I do want a partner so will recover eventually I suppose.
Happytit, it wasn't really romantic just a compliment (no words like 'love' or anything) and yes I'm building up to it. Three wre quite a few vibes yesterday when we were left alone eventually (just very brief time together). the present was small though, nothing expensive but something i know she'll like, she was flustered that i gave it to her and amazed i remembered when her b-day was (hmm, why wouldn't I if she thinks I'm attracted or even like her a lot) but she was pleased definitely. Needless to say she didn't remember my b-day but it was only mentioned once last year- I was already keen so i remembered.

Happy, i needed a lot of time as the whole thing was a shock to me. I think also she needed 'building up' so i'm glad i didn't say anything months ago - it feels like we aer closer now and she knows me more. I could have said something in June which i was getting ready for but then i discovered she is actively dating a man, so obv it knoecked my confidence in that she could be bisexual. Now I don't know why but i feel it's agood time, and also if she rejects me i can take it better than before as no major other stress in my life (i was moving house earlier by myself etc). Helps to have been on holiday too, you just feel better about yourself/stronger. I hope also i can keep the friendliness if she rejects me, exactly because she got used to me over the months and wouldn't easy to just shut the door (though possible of course).

outmy it's not embarassing at all - lots of threads on here (as onlly one example) where mature women obsess over men who treat them badly, so to deal with something new to you, it's not unusual at all, especially as your wiq happened to be so weird at times that it could drive anyone crazy.

wouldn't be easy for her*

Here's a question for you....Having secured permissions from our DHs, my WIQ and I haven't to date booked a weekend away. We've been having our snatched moments, all delicious and incredibly horny, but its time to get naked! Really it is!

Is it wierd to plan for a few days away with our DCs in tow? I'm thinking half-term break in seaside cottage or city appartment. We'd have done this before we got it on; as friends we would shared a bed so is it wierd to expected our DHs to accept this.

Its been over 4 months since our first kiss and 2 months since permission was given. We continue to see each other every other day and we have had a date at the cinema once a month. I'm happy with all this but need to put plans in place otherwise it will be me obesessing about tender kissing, pressing and licking between crisp white sheets!!

outmy- do you think it's not so great that she was amazed i remembered the date of her b-day as descibed above? you know these sort of things do let me wonder if she has any idea of how i feel! hence the fear.

Outmye (you've gone all Olde Englishe!) don't worry you're not a stalker (any more than I am.) the worst thing is, if I google my WIQ's name, her photos are the very first things which come up she's embarassingly easy to google.

It doesn't help, to say the least.

I was out with a mutual friend this eve and who should walk in, just as we're getting ready to go, but wiq, her dp and her mil. Such a small world. She obviously wasn't dressed up at all, and not expecting to see me. She seemed quite shy when I invited them over to sit with us for a while, and this time I was drunk enough that the numbness seemed to have subsided. I thought she looked beautiful in a real, wholesome way. I quite liked talking to her dp. He's not intimidating, like I say, he's quite a bit like my dh (who's thinking of inviting him round to watch WW2 documentaries, play Risk, or watch Game of Thrones, or whatever it is geeky blokes do together) Again, her dp seemed to know loads about me, as he relayed lots to his mother. So strange.

happytit - can you not go away just together with her, if dhs aer fine with it? i think it is a bit weird with dc especially if they can sense something (how old aer they) - plus not so relaxing and you have to be quiet when in bed !

I'm with Likea, Outmy. Not ridiculous. You're right its not all about WIQ but you thinking about you, your needs and your wants. All good in my book. Knowing yourself. Feel connected to yourself and connections with like-minded will follow.