Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

i did say that you aer bound to miss her - hence i suggested that you could se her atscholl if you had to (from distance even) and you may not feel much which will help. Of course only to take hte edge off. Avoid fantasies of getting to know her elswhere - she showed zero encouragement and if she is with a partner then especially wouldn't want friensdhip given your history

mine just logged out oo (thankfully small which i just retyped) - the best thing is to COPY what you wrote and then if it logs out you can log in and paste - i do it with most posts now,.

likea / outmy

neighbour, yes interesting...you may remember I said he is cheery and chilled out. He is just so laid back about everything. So he earns very well but he shows very little interest in his job. most career minded men, you can't get them away from the office, often not even mentally. he just says if he ever lost his job, there are others.

a week or two ago a friend of mine was kind of tactlessly rude to him about something - she kind of tried to waffle out of it and when I mentioned later that I was annoyed at her for being rude to him, he looked completely blank. he had obviously and genuinely forgotten all about it and had to be reminded what she said. then he just laughed and said she either did or didn't mean it but either way so what, it's not important.

there have been other smaller similar things. I feel like I have 100% of his attention but that he is detached from much else.

So then it came out a week or two ago that he had a wife but she died. childhood friend, lost touch for 10 years, then they met up applying for graduate jobs. they got married and then she died; she was 30. He was searching through boxes of paperwork and there was a photograph of her so I asked who it was and that?s when he told me.

like I say it seems to explain a lot. he appears not to give a toss about a lot of stuff because he really doesn?t. he is v attentive to me and to our friends and my family (that he?s met). If we are at home, either of ours, without hanging around me he makes sure he knows where I am and then he wanders off. then he's happy. and then he will forget to lock his car.

I think I know where he is coming from. I don?t feel that staying with him would involve endlessly trying to match up with his late wife. I have lost both parents and I am with him on this thing of remembering what really matters. At the back of my mind there is the possibility that he?ll decide our relationship has become one of those things that don?t matter, but I think I would spot this coming a mile off. He is so unsecretive it?s not true.

Likea - yes, sorry for not replying before. I agree, it's really hard to tell whether she was baiting me like that for her own amusement as regards sexuality or because she genuinely wants an opportunity for us to open up to one another and perhaps make room for things to progress? Weird that you and Outmy have both experienced these temporary lulls too! I was just like 'what's going on? I'm sitting here with the woman of my dreams giving me every ounce of her attention and I feel I have all the emotion and sexuality of a lump of rock...' I just want a time machine so I can go back to yesterday and do things slightly differently. I'd like to know the way the conversation would have gone once i'd told her I was bisexual. I'd like to see her reaction (even though I'm pretty sure she already knows, i'd like to see how she looks at me once she knows that I know, iykwim?)

CaoNiMa-I am a regular lurker and I have been following your story for ages, I am so sad to read what has happened to your lady-when you called her that it choked me up, take care. T

outmy, so you agree with me male friend regarding 'unhealthy' but do you also agree about 'unrealistic' and that he thinks (from similar info that io gave here) that she has no desire for any kind of commited r-ship?
Of course I'm not 'comfy' with her - how can i be when I feel 'weak knees' and am worried how i come across and generallly feel a bit flushed when i talk to her, none of us on here is comfy unless they aer already close friends with wiq or know how she feels (positively). Of course we do have relaxed chats about other things sometines - but recently as i mentioned that's been very rare due to people around/not seeing her as much as before - yesterday it was harmonious but I wouldn't say very comfy as I haven't seen her for a while and her son around, and I get more copmnfortable when we ve seen each other few days in a row. Yes, of course I'm hoping that the sentence in the card is a hint of how i feel - i mean it wasn't flirty/sexual innuendo (i.e. 'you ar so beautiful' or something, it was a compliment to her as a person but something you say only to a close friend/loved relative or a lover - yes, it didn't spell it out but I hope it's preparing the ground so she could sense more is coming - it was on the lines of how special she is, though 'special' itself is a cheesy word).It was just that in the card, rather than a chatty thing/wishes so i hope it has some weight to it. Have to wait another day to see if there is any reaction by text. she's bound to thank me for hte present when she opens it so see if she adds anything to that.
It's just starting the whole subject that's nerve wrecking, after all the general chat we've done for a year almost! she may ersent me for upsetting the balance though i do think she senses my attraction (but almost willing me not to voice it, possibly).
About the photo on facebook - aer you sure it;s not her sister? if it's not a relative, then I'd say it may well be her partner as a front page of her profile and they lived together. But in this case I don't get it - why on EARTH didnm't she tell you after your note that she's is involved/already has a woman P. I thought she may be in denial and don't want it known at work that she was bi, but then she wouldn't display it on facebook..I really think she is very strange in her behavoiur. Of courtse there is a chsance it's a friend but I don't think so. Either a sister or a partner imo. Yes, it's help of you had it out with her, but you know I don't think she'd communicate, she would just glare at you and walk away of you started judging by previous episodes.
Copy posts in a simple manual way - just highlight everything then right click on the mouse and choose 'copy' of the options that come up, Then right click here in new message if all disappears and choose Paste.

NotFor - that's i mean too - if you bury your head in the sand re her being pg and with partner, it will become a nightmare for you - unless of course you aer cooling off (which would be great, and can then switch to CW). If she is pg you really need to drop it, it'd be masochism!

Elizabeth, so you aer heading into a relationship now! you started just by wanting sex, so I'm surprised it moved quite fast into a serious thing, well that's always a nice surprise (obviously after getting to know him some more). If he decided after a while not to go into full blown thing, would you lose interest as now you wat more, or be happy to go back to a more light hearted thing?

*that's what i meant (to notfor)

would you believe I just bumped into a young guy who i had a mutual thing with just before I fell for wiq in a strong way. He seriously fancied me but never initiated anything - pretty sure he has a gf. I fancied him too but I wasn't looking for anything casual and he is 15 yrs younger so it wouldn't go anywhere. So bumped into him, and the funny thing is, the mutual chemistry is still there, so I'm definitely not off men. He was being polite and obviously not up to asking me out (he is shy but it's thwe vibe that he is not single mainly), but the other thing is - if he did ask I wouldn't go as I just don't feel like getting close to a man regardless of fancying (very few), i suppose a habiot of a lifetime but it's strange how i'm content with not acting on it - in the past i always would act on it in some way. With wiq i want it all. But it does cross my mind that a really right man could pursuade me away from her, though I'm really not sure, maybe not. Funny life.

outmy - isn't it funny how I wrote 'me friend' instead of 'my'

Cao ~ I was really worried about you and your WIQ as we hadn't heard anything from you for quite a while. What a heartbreaking story...it brought me out in goose bumps and I welled up for you. I am so deeply sorry you are going through this, it really is shocking and so sad. There is probably nothing anyone can say to you right now to take away the pain, but at least you did finally tell her how you felt (and she feels the same) and so you don't have to live with that regret. Even though you didn't tell her earlier, it was like you WERE together anyway, so I would not beat yourself up for not telling her before. I hope you have support to help you through this, and do come back on here as we all know what you've been through. She is so lucky to have had you there with her these last weeks and I'm sure that has given her so much love,, comfort and support, thank god you were around. Big love and hugs to you xxx

well I am sort of getting a bit ahead of myself there, it's only been six weeks. I'm thinking we could go that way and then he could decide, you know...but we're not there yet.

It feels like longer than that....it start off as being about sex but I was curious about him and his manner. then I was with him when the photo turned up and when he just said 'wife....she's dead now' my heart sort of turned over.

it does explain everything - no woman, string of women, no men. the attitude to life. quite into him now, think he's cautious but open to whatever happens, which is good.

CAO - you have been much on my mind of late and I was really hoping no news is good news. So sad and pained to hear your update. I am praying to the angels that your WIQ will pull through and there will be a miracle and she will make a full recovery. Please don't regret not saying more to her. You were as close as you could be in the time given and before she became poorly. You are both so lucky to have found each other, shared an amazing friendship, formed an exceptional bond and for her to have all your love and support and to have you by her side. Do you have anyone in RL who you can talk to and who can support you? Please feel you can offload here as we are all here to support you and lift your spirits at such a difficult time. Thinking of you and sending you hugs, strength and positive vibes over the ether xx

outmy, did you get the copying thing?
yes, food for thought re her being conttrolled and bot falling into my arms even if interested...This is why i don't want to put her on the spot - plus put myself into awkward position - the point is I can't time this talk so that i can leave quickly after, as I don't choose when she is free/no one around. she is in relaxed mood. Usually the time for this is best after she had a drink. i.e. late in hte eve - I can't then leave after that as i have nowhere to go if I'm in the city and it means i'm staying at hers - so how awkward would that be for ne to just stay overnight after that if she needs some space to think! this is why I'm inclined to write, or if I'm lucky to talk in the daytime IF she is on her own etc. This is not gonna happen for ten days, don't know if i could wait so long! maybe i can text something if she sends a thank you text on b-day, and hten suggest that if she wants to talk on the pghone about it, then she is welcome? not very romantic but does give her space. Or could text and hen wait till i see her (if she doesn't cancel!). I just bloody wish i had regular chances to be with her one to one, which i used to have before but wasn't ready, and this well may be so next time by the sound of it, but can i wait this long? I'm more ready now then before.
Yes, doesb't sound like the sister. Assu,e it's her P then. You are not 'somebody'though - if a man approached a woman who asn't free she'd just say so, it's good manners towards the person who mad an effort and put themselves on hte line as they LIKE you, and she did flirt with you on top of that. Still quite angry at your wiq!