Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

I'm talking about some of the women on this thread!

outmy, I should add that I don't REALLY know what she's thinking, and if I knew she was just scared of hte whole thing, I would try to pursuade her, but if she is indifferent or feels attracted but decided for sure not to act on it for all the reasons she may have, then I don't want to approach her andget rejected - I really do need more encouragement, it's too painful otherwise. I'm also very sad bout te pesky age gap - I really think if i was closer to her age and both divorced (as we are - but i mean if she was younger she'd be married as she was), then she'd see it as more realistic and would be more open, probably.

I know Loveis - but i was answering your comment about how it should be easy if both women feel attraction. In your case someone started the advances, and the other responded, but in our cases it's not happening due to lack of open minds most likely.
We all seem to live miles apart so not likely to meet - plus we aer friends on the thread!

outmy - I don't think I'm doing it subconsciously, I'm aware I'm preparing for it but it's main;ly based on the news that she may be going away with the man which didn't happen in June. I think you forgot - I was almost off withher then, and quite fed up, I'm not off with her, upset about the man happening just at the time when i was preparing to talk to her in June. I did always mention she may be a bit cold and even using people a bit - so not really new, maybe I just articulated better yesterday - who knows she may ne warming up very well for that guy! not nice to feel jealous but I do!

Gawd! Its got busy on here again and as usual you ladies are your eloquent selves.Yes Outmy & Likea it is the old EmmaDilemma, back on this thread with a nickname that reflects who I am at the moment!!

Likea - we are thinking about less snatched meetings but are mindful of our DHs and other events in our lives like visits from family members. Both of us are totally calm & patient about getting in on further, there is no IF just WHEN. Plus loving thrill of being so sexually aroused not acting on it fully.

Hi again. Im 23 for those of you who asked, and I was 15 with another school friend. Since then - dunno - just must have a 'gaydar' but just kinda known when someone is interested and Im met 2 online that live close by

haha, HappyTit, I guessed that the new name reflects your state of erm..mind! what with your description earlier of how it works between two women!
Cantthink - you see it's different for you if you don't see women as r-ship material or get emotional - it's a bit of fun and it works, and nothing new to you of you started young. On here most women are over 30, and even more 40ish + and it didn't happen before, so of course it's much more complicated - many still married or with kids.Mind you noi guarantee that you won't fall for a woman emotionally at some point! or would want a BF who won't be happy with you having fun, and you may find it hard to give up - but so far it's all great and easy, so enjoy.

Off to see wiq - won't be a lengthy meeting but determined to ask who is she going away with! will be reporting while staying there - I suppose a nice free mini holiday in london for me (looking after her pets - at least she still trusts me with that, and I'm really pleased to be helping her out)!

Likea - just ask the question, don't over think it, don't make it heavy when it should be light!

outmy - well it did happen before (me staying there with pets) but only overnight as you may remember (people were also egging me on to look around). There really is nothing i can look for now - all the info is on her phone (regarding personal life), I wouldn't look at laptop (apart from everything else it's detectable) wouldn't know passwords and it's only the old one htere (there one where I looked on Mn, didn't notice any non-work stuff of hers on desktop). There really is nothing to find out - the info about the man is not going to be htere and I can only ask. As to previous r-ships (with women possibly) I'm sure it's not on there even if i did have passwords. It's nice to stay there as i feel 'at home' by now and she is sort of 'around' even thogh sadly not in person, and I do like her pets, sp yes, iut's the first legthy stay there and I do hope I won't let her down in any way (i.e. not emergencies that i need to deal with!) As I say, I'm not franticat htis stage, and am trying to accept that friendship is the way to go, but of course I am still hoping a little.

outmy I do think that strongly bi women should be single unlessthey meet someone who they love enough to give up on the other gender (I would give up on men even though I'm not gay) if wiq was up for it. Same with someone who can give up women if in love and soulmates with a man, why not. But mytual strong love is quite rare so for most it's best not to commit if they aer going to miss one or the other.

you aer in good position yourself though, as sounds like you off men completely! I bet you wouldn't have any problem forgetting about men if you meet the right woman. I think I would always 'notice' men, flirt a bit maybe, but I'd be happy to look at a distance if I could be with the woman I want. Honestly since wiq attraction to men extremely lukewarm if there at all.

you are

yes, I will make it light of course! i'm in a good mood today - plus it is just a question, I'm not confessing . She may well not answer of course or divert, but I'll try.

Loveis - your question about what is it that appeals about our WIQs has prompted multi-word and indeed fluid answers. For me, the openness of our friendship and the similiarities of lives, likes and laughs was the start of the appeal but the chemistry, the tangible sexual energy (coupled with very desirable breasts !!) sealed the deal!!

I could rewrite some of your words and say...I have lots of experience, having looked for love in my late 20s/early 30s with women, but the connection I now feel between my honest self and another open-minded woman is wonderfully strong & intense. I have my fabulous DH to thank for giving the freedom to allow myself to be as wild as I want. God I love him for that and much more.

HappyTit - has your WIQ had previous experience with women too? I wonder if she feels more confident as she knows you've had experience with other women. I'd be very interested to know how she feels about developing feelings and about potentially turning if this is the first time.
Likea - hope all goes well with WIQ and you get some answers. If it didn't work out with my WIQ I don't think I would seek love with another woman. She's the one-and-only. Maybe it has opened me up more but I can't see how I could better what I have got. Yet the thought of trying to find the same connection and emotional depth with a man seems unlikely.

Outmy - no, didn't manage to cancel, but I think I got through it with my self respect in tact. Which I promptly ruined a few hours later by sending her a sort of 'would you like to meet up, just the two of us?' sort of email. To be honest, the longer all the vibes and innuendos and looks go on without me asking her something like that directly, the more likely I am to eventually do something ridiculous anyway, so I thought 'cut a long story short', put another stupid email out there and however she responds at least I'll have a better idea of where I am with her. (Nowhere, I strongly suspect, but I'd rather have it in writing so I can move on a bit quicker.)

I think Likea's slightly bolder approach is inspiring me at the moment.

NotFor - my bolder approach? erm, I'm not at all brave! well done for sending the emnail and taking it in your hands to clear everything up - the thing is the longer you leave the harder it is to gather the courage!! I'm definitely not braver now then i was with anything direct, it's the opposite - I got so yused to her and so used to hoping for something that iit is SO scary to get rejected. Whereas you've felt like this for a short-ish time so in a way less to lose (though in your case more obvious that it can be negative than it was in mine, as she is with a partner and pg most likely). Reallly good for you - and hopefully CW will soon re appear!
outmy, I asked her, yes, and feel quite stupid now as she is NOT going away with the man, but going with her friend (they often do things together) - I did wonder previously about this friend as they tend to go away but she mentioned this woman's husband today, so that's a relilef also. Sounds like jus the two of them going, didn't want to ask too many questions, but def not with any man. That's of course not to say she is not interested or progressing with that man but I couldn't ask that. She was not forthcoming at all with the chat today, as she was about to go she couldn't jus tignore my questions about the holiday but anything else was obv unwelcome. She was partly distracted by getting ready of course, but I don't know why, she was also subdued more than usual. Not sure maybe not feeling on top form.
Body language wasn't great - a lot of folded arms and looking down a lot (not holding eye contact) - no flirtiness whatsoever! I sort of worry that she either guessed about my interest or she did read this thread, as maybe this makes her feel awkward and very 'keep bounadries'. She was smiley just before leaving but before that i felt more of 'polite' and closed off vibes. I don;t like this looking down and looking a bit sad with it - whatever that is about? probably sorry for me!
On the other hand there was someone else , as it turns out, who could be staying with the pets, so she could ve cancelled easily if she was pissed off/ couldn't stand me, so pleased about that (she first said that nobody else is availble for the whole period). So I'm not just a convenience and she doesn't hate me ha ha! I will be trying to switch to friendship though - if I'm mistaken and there is something complex going on with her, she can always approach me as I'll be around (or increase the vibes). But I feel like I'm pushing my interest on her and she feels awkward or sorry for me at the moment. Whether it's to do with the blossoming romance with a man, don't know.

outmy in a way it can be seen as stength and self respect to ask and demand an answer - so NotFor may be feeling like that rather than a weak party. Your wiq was different - she could ignore you with no consequences which is bad, her wiq is not the type to respond with silence and also they work together so she will have to say something.

just to add, the man is definitely not off the scene as she is displaying a recent card from him (he's on a UK holiday, I think) and obviously nothing saucy there as it's a card for display but the style of writing is pretty much the same as those risque messages I mentioned a months or two ago. I dopn't quite get the situation - he either lives far away, andtherefore nothing progressing quickly or some other circs, but she does seem keen on him and used to call hin a friend (he's definotely a long sdtanding friend but maybe now developing into more - for all i know she s been keen on him for ages- he was the one visitying last year when she asked for a private time as she hardly sees him..ewll it seems the meetings have increased since a couple of months ago). She probably thinks I'm so sad if she does read all this, and me goig on about her BF. The point is I would have already dropped it if he became 'official' or if she was open about it and at least once spelled it out that she has a bf, again not really my business but if she thinks I'm interested..I really should step back to find some peace of mind - if she gave me good vibes (or on her return) then i will tell her but I jst feel it's the wrong time, she need to give 'come hither' vibes for me to be direct. Now I regret I haven't done it earlier, in spring, before it escalated with him - really kicking myself., and she was sending a lot more vibes then.

Likea - well done for asking her about the holiday. you are brave, so don't deny it!

Outmy - exactly, I just can't stand the not knowing any longer. It's interfering with my sanity somewhat thinking about her all the time. I just need to know if she's straight as an arrow or if she's interested even a little bit. or if she tells me it can never happen. I just need answers.

I have a reply waiting to be opened in my inbox.... deep breath. I expect she'll say she's really busy this week...

NotFor I need those answers too! but you aer the brave one for asking even though I understand that you psyched yourself for rejection already better than I have! You know sometimes I do think that mine is straight as an arrow as you put it, and all hese vibes and warmth from before is nothing, just a bit of harmless play - and the worst thing is if she doesn't even realise that i'm interested, while i think it's obvious. Thyis is what scares me about asking her/telling her - what if she looks at me like I'm crazy to even think this about her! at least it's not a shock for yours, let us know what she says!