Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

Likea - firstly emotionally then sexually. Basically I hadn't ever had strong lustful feelings for a woman before meeting her. 100% hetero up until that point then the intrigue made me want to get to know her better. Didn't really question it while it was happening at all which is very unlike me as I've always questioned my r-ships with men every step of the way, probably because there was less communication and more room for uncertainty. Honesty played a big part in making me feel close to WIQ as we could share exactly how we were feeling without playing games etc. Follow - totally understand the feeling of wanting to be around your WIQ all the time and the nonstop thinking obsessing about them.

I wouldn't say it sounded to me like she was parading anything. she did a lot of standing around looking confused that evening as i witnessed first hand. his description of her really just sounded like more of the same, the way i heard it at least. what he said was that he was standing around in the lobby, looking at the guest list in a drunken manner - she said 'where's notfor?' he said 'there she is!' pointing to my name on the list, and she gave him a withering look. He said 'er, I think she's out there.' and pointed outside, the exit to which was sort of diagonally opposite where her dp was standing, and she stood there looking confused for a while. i don't think it's that far fetched.

We are all so analytical. Can't really imagine a group of men dissecting every nuance, vibe and look a WIQ (or MIQ) had given them

i know she can be manipulative, but i just dont' think she would go so far as to start trying to modify her behaviour to make dh think she's more into me than she really is. She's already working two demanding jobs, probably pregnant and loves her dp, i presume so i just don't think she'd have the energy. Not to say she doesn't have the energy to manipulate me directly from time to time.

Loveis - i know. men just get on with it! and usually end up having a lot more sex as a result!

Notfor - I don't think they necessarily do have more sex and when they do they conk out straight away so it all comes to an abrupt end!

Loveis I'm the same, been hetero before all my kife, though ocasionally wondered whether I'd like to try a kiss with a woman (but only in a couple of cases) and never felt like going beyond the kiss even in my thoughts. That's why I was so blown away that had to start the thread! and the strage thing - no long buildup, and we were not close friends, but I liked her instantgly and then it deepened into really emotional when i saw her in vulnerable mode. Was your wiq bi? it's curious that you could be open so quickly about these new feelings with each other, unless she was experienced and encouraged you?

Apparently the cerebral cortex in a man switches off during orgasm. "Two other areas, the cingulate cortex and the amygdala, then send a message to the rest of the brain telling it to remove all sexual desire, via the release of sleep-inducing chemicals including serotonin and opioids. After men have an orgasm they usually experience a refractory period when they cannot be aroused.For women it seems to be different. They don't seem to have such a strong refractory period and may be asking for more when their partners just want a rest.The findings may provide men with a helpful excuse to turn off the light and go to sleep, but they are unlikely to be welcomed by their partners who do not experience the same effect."

on these threads most , if not all, success stories started with a close friendship - so I wonder if this is the only way it can work for women who never had any experience? in which case not much chance to me as wiq isn't going for close friendship due to age gap/not sharing everyday activities (Cao is lucky in that they work together, even though there is age gap). I bet I could pursuade wiq much more effectively if we were involved in some mutual activity as friends regularly.

Loveis yes, it's known that a man usually needs to switch off for a bit - after all their organs actually 'work' while women's aer receptive but don't need a powerful energy to be working (can be low key, whereas half-mast erection could as well be not there at all). Mind you, of course some men do recuperate esp young ones and then a woman can get fed up if she's tired, so it's gard to generalise, but as far as wanting closeness afterwards yes, two women must be better together in emotional sense.

Likea - she had had experience with other women (and more men ) and is very open-minded. She doesn't consider herself bi, more that she is attracted to a person's personality.

you see, that really helps - so she led the way then!
can you imagine how hard it is to move forward when neither my wiq not I had experience - no one feels brave enough or confident enough (assuming she feels some attraction which I'm pretty sure, just not as string as mine!). In these cases lintense friendship seems te only way but then both women should be open to that (this was te situation with sleepless, who was brave but te woman really encouraged friendship - a bit like Cao's case). I seem to be stuck in a stupid situation that doesn't fall into any of these scenarios. outmy was similarly unlucky really with the circumstances.

Loveis can I ask - how did you find out thatshe had experience - did she tell you or it was commmon knowledge? did you lead her somehow to tell you? i do wonder sometimes whether wiq has been with a woman before, though it's unlikely.

Likea - I think one of her friends told me she'd had a GF for a few years and her attitude to her sexuality was very much so-what and that it opened up many more options for her. I was fascinated because I'd never really talked to or got to know someone who was so open about being bi but maybe I was just fascinated by her! She is very much someone who lives outside society and hates the idea of a normal well behaved lifestyle and all the small-minded attitudes that might go with it.

Likea- I can see that it's hard to launch into a r-ship with someone who has had no experience but there must be so many cases where both women just fall for each other out of the blue having not had feelings as such before

This might be of interest: www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/22/late-blooming-lesbians-women-sexuality

Likea- another thought, if there's mutual attraction between two women then there is no denying that there's chemistry there. It's just whether either or both parties decide to act on it. They're seriously missing out if they don't

Hi all - been lurking and dont read every post - but I agree with Notfor - men do get more sex and I cant believe how much problesm this has caused - but maybe I have a differnt outlook.

Im bi - I love having mine blowing sex 'fun' with other woman but I know I will always be attracted to men and have always had bf's never gf's just encounters.

one day I will settle down with a guy when right the rght one. But for me Ive always met a girl had some fun or stayed friends (but always faithful) and had fun a few times - I never knew it was this complicated with every1.

Guess i dont take life seriously eneough after reading this thread

Cantthink - hi, so how do you meet these women? are you very young (which helps) - or started this when young and since havce a good radar? a lot of women aer closed off to the idea especially if they only led 'normal' married lives previously so you woudn't even know whether they think like that towards women, so how do you know who to approach (even ifyou are attracted to many - which I'm just not).
Loveis, agree they are missing out! but life is not one big nightclub where you just get the chemistry and go for it as I was just saying to Cantthink, as I say if both women had no experience then it usually starts with long friendship first where they get closer and closer, otherwise it's a minefield. See how many have been rejected on this thread (I'm probably next, unless i just let it go anyway).

Cantthink - what was your first experience with a woman and was she straight?
Likea - of course life isn't one big nightclub but I guess it takes two women who fancy each other to acknowledge this if they want to explore their feelings and take things further. Easier said than done that's why positive signals are all important.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if some of the women here got together in RL. Maybe there would be some vibes!

Emma said she will be changing the name purely because it doesn't reflect her feelings anymore !
Outmy it's not new - if you remember I started all this 'coming down to earth' in June and was about to distance myself, andsaying that I was tired and feel like she's not doing any real steps so what was the point etc. I already talked then that I will try to switch to friendship andsee whether I'll be able to. The plan was somewhat 'off' again in July after she's been really very nice/caring to me and i remeber feeling so elated after that, thos was only two weeks ago, but then again a cold text as i described so the new consistency I was hoping for didn't happen, and I'm back to that mode i had in July. I mean I was preparing to extent for months that nothing may happen, and I wouldn't say I talked negstively about her yesterday - just stating the facts that she may be quite cool by nature emotionally speaking (not physically judging by her flirting with men) - most of all I got upset about her dating that one man, and who an /i to stand in her way if tat's what she really wants? as i say if she's going away with him then it's be crazy of me to comtinue hoping. Previously she didn't date one man consistently so this is the main explanation to my current mood. - she's basically choosing him over tyrying anything out with me (or at least tentavely finding out how I feel if she's not brave enough - instead i get businesslike texts). If it doesn't pan out with the man, I'm still around, not going to disappear, so she can rethink maybe.

Loveis, in my case, and even more extreme in outmy's case, both women do not want to act on it - how sad is that? even though we think that both are (or were, with outmy wiq) attracted.

*to some extent