Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

Outmy - WIQ swings wildly (no pun intended) between flowery dresses and ripped jeans/t-shirt/biker jacket - i kid you not! She can be pretty girly though and i think some of her attitudes are more girly than mine - i.e i always feel i'm a bit of a bloke when it comes to things like my musical tastes - i take it all quite seriously (like the guy in the Nick Hornby book High Fidelity!) whereas she just wants something fun she can dance to.

In terms of the way I dress, I'm equally happy in maxi-skirts or jeans at the moment, and i don't wear loads of makeup, just a bit to make me look 'more human' whereas she doesn't wear any at all.

CW is pretty tomboyish in stripey tops/jeans and converse or sandals, shoulder-length hair and she's so pretty she doesn't need makeup at all - has these enormous blue eyes that give out these very strong signals whenever we're around each. ah, i miss her,

should say my hair is also shoulder-length and WIQs is long and flowing...

outmy - don't worry about things people have said about WIQ; it's hard to hear at first, but I do realise that something isnt' right about her attitude towards me, and I can't put it all down to the fact that being attracted to another woman (as i assume,after all that's happened that she is attracted to me in some small way) is very disorienting and confusing, particularly when you're both in relationships with other men.

She's not handling it in a very kind way, and i do feel there's a degree of deliberate head-fucking going on from her end, although perhaps there's also a lot of unintentional stuff going on too. on one hand perhaps a large part of it could be exceptionally bad timing - there's a chance that my whole crush may have been going on whilst she's been in her first trimester, and if she does reciprocate in some way, that's gotta be a pretty weird sensation for her too. regardless of what she has/hasn't told dp or anyone else. not defending her. still don't know for sure if she is actually pg, anyway, but she does look about 3 months gone, if i'm being objective.

with men, i mean (not other men -that makes it sound as though we're male too!)

Cao - sending you courage and strength to you and your WIQ. She is so lucky to have you by her side. Frightening to be doing all that alone so I'm sure she really appreciates (or will when she is better) all your love and support.
Notfor - can you not ask your WIQ if she is pregnant or do you not feel comfortable doing this?

General question to all - what is it about your WIQs that really attracts/appeals to you? Can you, erm, put your finger on it? In my case it was her coolness and grace, her humour and her take on life. We are completely different but share very similar views on things.Kindred spirits really. She is quite a (sexy) tomcat but as I got to know her realised how vulnerable and sweet she can be, not as hardy as I'd originally thought and this made me love her more. I don't have much experience of same-sex r-ships but the love between 2 women can be so strong and intense as you share so much more so can't help but feel very close and bonded. This is my view anyway.

HappyTit (?!) - no more dilemma for you Sounds like your situation is hotting up. I so wonder how it will pan out for you and hope all parties will be cool about it. I can't help feeling if more women discovered each other they would not look back!
Trapped - how are you getting on? I seem to remember you were trying to cool off your feelings? Is your WIQ still giving you mixed signals?

Loveis - i could ask her, but i've no idea if she'd tell me the truth if they're 'not telling people'. I'm guessing I count as 'people'. what others have said about her trustworthyness is accurate. Plus, i'd need to get her on her own, which doesn't look likely now...

Cao- love and hugs to you both xxx I hope she makes a very speedy recovery.

Loveis, my wiq is the only woman I've met that combines almost extreme boyishness (both in manner and in thinking/attitude to life) with graceful movements, sensitivity and a vulnerable side at times. It's mind blowing, as I swing between having my knees go week in her presence (when she is in the usual boyish) and fierce desire to protect her/be tender to her when she's in her vulnerable mode, even if that's not often. I honetsly NEVER had weak knees response to women - when i was mildly attracted before it was playful/visual appreciation of their physical features, but very calm reaction really.

of course I should add her intelligence plays a role as I respect her a lot too.

what is it about wiq that attracts me? her drive/passion/ confidence. Her sultry eyes, and gorgeous body. Her wicked sense of humour. Her quirkiness and the way she's quite shy underneath all the armour. The way she sees me from across a crowded room, makes a beeline towards me, and then sort of pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath before reaching me and starting a conversation (as if she's steadying her nerves). Adorable. I know others won't agree!

Dh even noticed her doing this. Apparently in the few moments we weren't together on sunday, she came up and asked him where I was and then stood staring in my direction, and then at her dp and then back towards me again, looking confused. I don't think he's egging me on, actually, I think he's just filling me in on the little details I was bound to miss. Might sound weird but there it is.

Likea - your wiq's swing from boyish to feminine actually sounds quite similar to my wiq's. i know they're quite different really but I also get the weak knees thing when mine's gone all ripped-jeans and leather jacket (i'm grateful for the mild summer we've had for that reason alone!) and then want to hold her and protect her when she shows her vulnerability. I know i shouldn't feel that way after all that's happened, but it's the truth.

Not, I think he IS egging you on - come on that's just cheesy - obviously looking at you and P all confused, in front of everyone - and she was sober! he's got a vivid imagination!

yes, it may well be a similarity, NotFor. Though the boyishness of ,ine isn't about how she is dressed - to some extent maybe but she doesn't wear anything so radical as yours. She looks GREAT in a white shirt under a jumper in winter - that is sort of boyish, but it's more the way she talks and wears no makeup with her boyish face in the day, and the sort of straight-at-you looks that women don't usually give ime. It's actually quite unusual for a woman of her age to look better without makeup than with it on! to my eye at least.

The boyish vs feminine thing is an interesting one as my WIQ swings both ways so to speak (and in a bi sense too although she'd hate me labelling her as such) I guess I'm more in the feminine camp (long hair etc) although dress more boyishly. Likea - like you I have honestly never been moved in the same way by woman as I was (and am) by my WIQ.

as radical

well, it fits with the general picture of everything else that happened, but if you think it's cheesy, i suppose you could be right. i'd like to think my marriage was based on truth and trust, as that's certainly what i'm giving to him over this whole thing - plenty of other people would have gone about it in a sneaky way, but i've been totally honest with him, and i'd hope that he wouldn't have any reason to invent stuff.

Love, you mean moved emotionally or sexually - or at least what came first, if both? to me it wasn't a long drawnout emotional friendship that grew into attraction- it was kind of instant though not as intense as it became later on, on both counts.

NotFor - she is not really a child is she? surely she knows she's being observed, to parade her confusion at a party and also in front of your P?? unless it was deliberate and she is an actress and amuses herself this way.

I didn;t mean he would invent but may have a vivid imagination and interpret in a hugely exaggerated way. May all she was doing is to think whether to talk to you at htat moment, or her P, not tortured as to who she is more attracted to!

maybe

is thinking

Loveis ~ With my WIQ it was initially her energy I think;just very magnetic for me, her vitality & curiosity and sense of fun. Then when we had met up in person, it was her voice, her smell, the way she laughs, the way she moves & her gentle yet feisty nature . She soon became very sexy and irresistable & I had an overpowering feeling like I wanted to be around this person all the time and couldn't stop thinking about her. Basically I was drawn to her and it was out of my hands. It continues to amaze me how much more I am capable of feeling for this woman, she is just the most amazing person I've ever met and fulfills every need.

a child of nearly 40? sorry, i don't understand!

NotFor - I mean a child would behave like that (so openly and appear so clueless) - I was saying it ironically, i.e. she's not a child, is she.

don't forget she may deliberately act like this in front of your P, same as sje delibrerately teases you, if she takes it all as an amusement. I don't think she would behave like that in a naive/innocent way, that's what I tried to convey. Or he exaggerated what could have been just a moment's thought on her part who to talk to next (so she was looking at your then at her P), that's all.