Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

Hello Outmy!

Yes, Notfor, maybe keep your dealings with WIQ cool and businesslike from now and keep the affection and attention to an absolute minimum. See how she reacts to the new detached you!

outmy I do agree that she is untrustworthy, and I don't like such flaky characters who blab to everyone about another person's advances (and people know NotFor) - she sounds extremely annoying to me. I'm just making a point that she may think that NotFor is onthe same length (i.e. it's a bit of amusement to her) though I've no idea whether NotFor coveyed already that she is feeling emotional to wiq (if she did, then wiq is dreadful!).
Loveis what is the point of getting a different reaction if she is pg? it's not going anywhere. unless you meant to save face.
outmy, there is no way you could be as angry at my wiq as at this wiq! I've never told mine I was bi or said things as directly as NotFor has, and as i remember wiq knows that NOtFor is bi. We never had near-kisses ot cuddles - and I'm much more subtle than NotFor in her advances (not a criticism!), so my wiq as never leading me on or fishing for compliments at all (even though i gave her some, but she was always surprised and blushed), or any body language as obv as this one - but the main point is she is single, whereas for a married woman who is pg playing with someone when knowing it's never going anywhere, is really bad. As i say, she may THINK NOtFor isn't serious and just likes a flirt, but still, she shouldn't have told people (and her P - ot at least asked him not to stare at NotFor!). I know you aer annoyed at my wiq mood swings and so am I - but this could be her with anyone, nothing to do with playing with me deliberately, she is after all a lot older and probanly going through menopause or some such hormonal mess. she may even still doesn't KNOW about my feelings even though she may wonder.
I'm due to see wiq on thurs - moment of truth soon, if she cancels I'm SURE she's looked at internet stuff. Couldn't be twop cancellations in a row for no reason. I will phone her though if she does - will ask what's wrong.

*same WAVElength

outmy, yes as I say I find her irritating too, but NOtFor obv finds her attractive so she must have some good points haha! She is so obviously manipulative that resembles a little 'golden girl ' in a playground, with all her coy (it's just an effective tactic to be liked) charm. Amazed that NOtFor sees it at face value, but then we are all blind when it comes to wiqs (at least to start with).
Yes, wiq can be rude - I don't think intentionally but she definitely swung from being sensitive and caring to 'I don't give a f* about anyone' modes which is very baffling. It's not always due to tiredness, sometimes it's just irrational that's why i think it's hormones (I know too well what I'm like when with pms!). The thing is, I'm starting to realise that my wiq is just purely and simply a bit cold by nature, and quite tough. I think it attracts me as I see it as boyishness (and her manner is very boyish sometimes), but I'm now thinking that even sometimes regarding her children she is a bit 'neutral' to say the least, and also she id hsappy to date a man once a week it seems when he obvioulsy wants more) - I couldn't do that, if I was sleeping with someone and liking him no way I could be cool enough to date once a week. She is kind but just not sentimental/romantic/led by emotion it would seem. And her priorities aer work and social life without beign too attached to any one friend (like no lengthy phone chats even with friends). That doesn't bode well as she seems too sensible to be jumping into something controversial with me. A bit sad really.

*definitely swings

not saying she's npt capable of some deep feelings/attachment but it takes her a hell of a long time to get there and also possibly she is very particular about the person. But as a result she can be a bit of a user with the rest of people - even if she is fond of them - I heard her SO many times that things can only be on her terms (with men - and it seems with me too, more or less). I know that she's fond of me, but to settle for that I'll have to re programme myself for friendship.

LOVEIS, OUTMY, hmm because of the possible work dimension i'm not sure if i can cancel without looking a bit unreliable, but yes, I suppose i could ask if it's essential.

LIKEA - your 'golden girl in the playground' analogy is eerily accurate. It's almost as if you've met her! Yes, her charm does seem to be more about being liked (or adored, even) than being nice. I seem to be drawn to these sorts of personalities - had a few boyfriends like this back in the day. See, rationally I know all this. If any of you were saying the things i've told you about her I'd be giving you the advice you're giving me! There's a disconnect going on between my thoughts and my feelings, it seems. What you say about having to 're-programme' your feelings for your wiq rings very true for me. Except i'm not even sure i'd really want to be her (close) friend once i took off my rose-tinted spectacles! That must sound very weird.

Outmy - i am so sorry to have got you pacing the lounge! god, i feel bad that my misery is spreading to you all. Let's pray I get a grip in the near future x

NotFor - I feel like I have met quite a few wiqs from the thread! I actually visualise them! I wisj i was as perceptive about on my own. I undestand about you not wating to be close friends once you know her - funnily enough I'm the opposite, if it wasn't for my feelings I think my wiq would be a great friend as I really likeand respect her as a person but as far as personal life she may well be quite a lot colder/sensibler than I'd like (which has no relevance in friendship really). The type that your wiq is, can be very alluring to the opposite sex (and yes good at getting adoration) but as a friend not reliable/trustworthy it seems.
I wonder why did she send that email to both of you (about talking in private etc) - was that the person who she told about tou, that's also going? if that's the case, possibly she wants to agree to keep this from others at work? otherwise, very indiscreet.

*about my own (wiq)

likea- i didn't think of that, yes it was the same person she mentioned and yes perhaps she does want to keep this from others. there are quite a few factions and cliques there anyway so might be something to do with that, and perhaps not directly related to the 'situation'. Likea, I've also visualised your WIQ; she looks a bit like my MIL . That is, sort of 60's-ish, but looks much younger through taking care of herself, not the sort of person to give in to the ageing process; lots of male interest, very keen on yoga and holistic things. I'm probably wrong though!

*sensible (not '=er!')

hmm, how does your MIL dress and talk? wiq isn't into holistic/yoga, she's only now started some non-yoga classes in gym, she doesn't look hugely younger (she would if she did more exercise in the past and drank a bit less) but has a lot of energy and sounds young. A lot of intelligence/life in the eyes. Does your mil has mood swings? maybe it's typical at that age?

outmy - you are close! not quite as short as 5'2'' - I think about 5'4'' and yes, short hair (but not boyishy short). My hair isn't long either, just a bit longer than hers. do you visualise face type too? your (ex) wiq I envisaged as quite tall and sort of straight features/straight hair, i.e. not very girly.

have mood swings

outmy - don't worry, the email i sent back was deliberately stuffy and dull and didn't even respond to the deliberate innuendos. you could well be right about them having a laugh at my expense although she wasn't the same person who made the hints about the things i'd said though.

Yes my MIL is the absolute queen of moodswings...don't even get me started! She dresses in a sort of boden-ish sort of way and dyes her hair quite a few different shades of red/brown. In terms of talking, well she has a very loud voice, quite insistent. perhaps not the same as your WIQ at all...

that last paragraph was for LIKEA, by the way!

haha, no thank God wiq doesn't have a loud insistent voice ! she's very good at making her point quietly - something I'm learning from her, haha. Not that i ever raised my voice with her - just don't feel like it, even though i do occasionally argue (and she somtimes listens), which is one of the things that makes me think we are compatible. when i don't get on with a partner it gets very volatile .

my description is pretty much as innaccurate as possible then! never mind, i suppose i just let the mental image blossom into my mil for some unknown reason . i've described my WIQ in quite a lot of detail already, so i expect most people would get her spot-on.