Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

Evening ladies.......
Emma not in a dilemma at all - how often do you see your WIQ, and how does it work with your DH, I mean do you see her in the evenings and tell him you are going to see her? Just intrigued to know how this works really, but I understand if you don't want to expand on details.
Cao - That's so interesting that you are working your way through Wong Kar Wai's films! I am a huge fan, I think I've seen every one. Happy Together is one of my favourites along with In the Mood For Love...blimey, such a romantic, beautiful tale of unrequited love, also Chungking Express - brilliant, he's a genius.
Anyway back to real life....I really understand you not wanting to ruin the friendship and the flow by potentially putting it on a different footing, if she happens to reject your advances. It sounds very much like something is brewing though.....and I'd eat my hat if nothing sexual was on the cards, it's just that you're "in it", so probably can't see it objectively. With me and my WIQ, it started off as a very intense friendship, and the bond just grew and grew, as did our feelings and then BAM, one day you can't keep a lid on it anymore..one of you will say something or do something which will take it onto a different level.....it's inevitable I think. Just enjoy it!
BTW..has anyone seen the article about Marilyn Monroe being more attracted to women than men....it's on whensallymetsally.com.....VERY INTERESTING! She had quite a few affairs with womenn and apparently had never acheived an orgasm with a man.......

What a surprise, I might add! (I mean the orgasm bit...I had already suspected she was gay)

Follow - I've been seeing WIQ most days. It's difficult to stay away and easy to find an excuse. As always, we have weekly plans so our DCs meet up and of late, we have been talking through my thoughts on how to approach to DH. He is at work but knows she has been. And doesn't appear to have a problem with it.
I do believe WIQ can continue to be the same as we have alays been in front of DHs,DCs and friends. We both realise we have a continous maintenance programme for our DHs ahead of us i.e. on-going checks that everybody is ok with everything.

But we are snatching time alone, its like being a teenager again. Urgent kisses, groping, pressing. It got very hot & steamy in the bathroom this week. As much as I'd love to, we won't be tripping off to the big smoke to get laid. We need to be slow & sure. And it's delicious dance as we do so.

But if I were to tell you, how much time I spend thinking about her....o lordy....its all the time!

We're off to the cinema on Sunday evening. I'm thinking about the country lanes we can go down to make out in the car!!!!

Sorry I haven't had chance to write over the past couple of days, but WIQ's health took a turn for the worst yesterday morning. I went with her to her herbalist doctor, and he was an absolute charlatan who couldn't see that she was extremely sick. She places a lot of sway by traditional medicine, and has used it all her adult life, but I have short shrift with it, especially for serious illnesses. I took her to the international clinic and they immediately diagnosed her with pneumonia.

She totally fell apart. She's not been well since before she went on her trip, and was too scared to go to the hospital. Obviously I felt terrible for not making her go earlier, and having been entertaining all those sexual thoughts when she was ill. I promised her that I wouldn't leave her side through any of it, and I haven't. It's been a long two days of tests, meltdowns, panic and pain, but now she's asleep beside me in the hospital room.

The feelings I was having about being satisfied with a friendship have been playing on my mind. She knows now, even if she doubted it before, that I love her and would do anything for her. It's like we've suddenly been swallowed into this intimacy that is nothing like the sort I wanted, and I'm not sure if this closeness will ever be able to switch into something sexual. I have seen her at her lowest and most vulnerable; I've fed her meals and dressed her. I speak for her when the nurses come as I know the language slightly better than she does.

Sorry if this sounds over-dramatic and soap opera-ish. It's been a surreal few days. I went to pick some stuff up from her flat before, and going back into the outside world was jarring. It sounds awful to say this, but I am enjoying the fact that she is totally mine at the moment, and that our mutual friends and her brother and cousin know that I'm the one looking after her.

Just realised that my third paragraph makes me sound like an absolute bitch - worrying about all that stuff when WIQ is so sick. I didn't mean for it to come across like that.

Cao, you really should stop calling yourself names! you had sexual feelings for her before illness so they can't just turn off can they. Thankfully pneumonia is very treatable nowadays so it's great that you tool her to the right doctors! you are hardly putting your desires first, it's all about looking after her at the moment. I wouldn't say that because of this she couldn't see you more than a friend! I was in similar situation with a new bf where i went to hospital for a month every day as he had an unexpected op, it got me really close to him (unfortunately in this case as I would have left him much earlier otherwise) but he was even more in love after this and we got very close and passionate, which in other circs may not have happened as intemsely, though admittedly r-ship started before all this but was very new and shaky. Whewn she gets ell she may be so attached to you that the sexual side will follow especially as you contact is so physical in other ways. Just be careful as it does get you very attached (seeing someone in fragile state, caring) and if she then does cool it to friendship you can get hurt, but it sounds like you don't have any choice, as you can't leave her side (don't want to) so it's in the lap of Gods! it's not bad to kind of like the situation as it's a chsance to how her how much you care (understandable I mean). You can't feel guilty seriously, you were the one who got her on the right track!

LikeA, thank you so much for that, and thanks for sharing your story about your ex-boyfriend.

We've just had breakfast on Day 3 of hospital, and she's a LOT better today. She was up coughing a lot in the night, but the doctor is happy with her progress. We're going to sneak out of the hospital for lunch later.

I'm so immersed in this current situation that I'm already dreading the time when we won't be spending 24 hours together. But it's great that she is finally on the mend.

Cao- that's great that she's on the mend. Hope that her condition is continuing to improve. I think she's incredibly lucky to have a friend like you, let alone anything else which the relationship might turn out to be.

I was in a meeting with WIQ for most of this morning; she made a point of sitting next to me, and I know I should have had my mind on finer things, but couldn't help looking at the side of her face for most of the time, observing how she sits, how her hands were trembling, although she always appears so calm... There was such heat between us, even now. Out of nowhere she asked me if I wanted to meet up with her next week. She didn't say what it was about; she didn't need to as I said yes automatically. However, as she mentioned inviting another person from work, I doubt it's of much significance. As I was leaving, she called after me and said, 'well even if so-and-so can't make it, shall we meet up that day anyway?'. Again, I automatically said yes.

Now of course I'm getting my hopes up again, particularly as she seemed really attentive towards certain things I mentioned. And again I'm posting on here instead of doing all the work I should be getting on with! I should mention that I've sort of 'come out' to a few of the other people we work with recently (it was part of a general discussion on bisexuality, and it turns out that a couple of them are also bi, so I felt comfortable mentioning it). She wasn't there at the time.

I really thought I'd put this thing to bed; just being in the same room with her is enough to reawaken all the feelings I've been trying to let go of. She looked unbelievably sexy today, although I don't know if it was a deliberate 'sexy in a devil may care' thing, or maybe she just genuinely didn't care about how she looked. I won't say what she was wearing as not many people have jobs when they can turn up to meetings looking the way she does, and I don't want to make it any more obvious than it already is, but it was another occasion where I was just sitting there and couldn't take my eyes of the beautiful shape of her legs, and how smooth and silky they always look. [hot and steamy emoticon]

outmy, come and tell how you feel? aer you getting there with healing the wound? Also my nerves need soothing due to the batttling on the other thread (argh).
NotFor - that's how it is, isn't it, you think you can shake it off, but then she is nice, attentive and sexy, and you back to square one! I know the feeling - so does outmy! go and meet and see how it goes, why not, It's a surprise though that she invited you, you must be so hopeful (after the cold shouldering especially).

outmy, well I've been back from hols a few days now, and our thread was unusually quiet. Was worried why are you quiet so very pleased to see you on today and even give me support! yo uwere not misreading though she didn't mean too agressively, I don't think. Some people just don't get on your nerves (i.e. izzy in my case) even if they say something comtrovercial, but some - OMG there is a bloody personality clash! I''m a bit too passianate somerimes to just let go .
btw did wiq say anything in that shop - a 'hi' I mean? you aer not going to see her at school though - isn't that a relief? imagine if you were coming back to same section?! another year of pain! you aren't volunteering are you?

forgot to say, as I mentioned before wiq cancelled arrrangemrents for this week (was supposed to see her tomorrow) - didn't like that there was no 'sorry ab that' just to convey that she regrets not seeing me, not seriously sorry, and no q's about holiday - that was by text. I'm due to see her next week (end of week) so hope that will not change. I'm somewhat worrie she may have seen the thread in her History - do yo uthink it's likely if there was only Mumsmet r-ships visible? I know htat experts can see the deleted history andher son is one, but she is unlike to ask him (as he would see the title too).

*arrangements (God that was a moster word!)

NotFor I agree with what outmy says about trust for your wiq, but maybe she wants to meet to spell it out that nothingcan happen (unfortunately) due to her P. In this case she's ok. Otherwise needs to build your trust a bit (if it's something positive).

I sort of also had a bit of a break trying to work her out, but now mildly back to it, until I see her again (I hope) andthen will be on that track again probably. Did you see my last post to you as your last one came after and you may have missed.

Likea, Outmy - I know, I keep having to remind myself not to get carried away at the prospect of some time (possibly alone) with her. It definitely crossed my mind that this might be an opportunity for her to spell things out to me, in terms of her not being interested, but if that is the case I can't imagine why she was originally thinking of inviting this other person too? I mean, it's fair enough if she wants to clear the air, but to do it in front of one of my peers would be a step to far, surely? (Even for her?).

Then again, this particular person is legendary for not turning up to things...

can't imagine how it would help having this individual there whatever her intentions. Unless it's completely work-related? I did wonder if we might both end up accidentally forget to invite the third party... an 'oh, how silly of me!' sort of thing.

If it is work-related, then it's weird that she didn't say that to begin with. She normally would.

God, you both warned me she would toy with me and I was so naive! Total headfuck. I actually think I might cry if she's mean. I sound like I'm about 13 years old with a crush on one of the popular girls!

Sorry if I sound self absorbed at the moment; it's doing my head in and I can't seem to focus on anything else.

as to that thread, I got het up defending OP, I wouldn't have fought for myself AS much, as I enjoyed that thread before this poster started being extremely tiresome, and then it got onto sexism subject, whuch on MN always seems to go crazy (rolls eyes). No way you ushould have got involved just out of support, as you join in at the start as I did. Thanks though for that point. Poor OP really.

NotFor, I really don't think she invited anyone else, it was just her way to soften asking you out for a talk (typical if her to be a bit economical with the truth).

see, once you said 'yes' with no hesitation she mentioned then dropping out, it was a safety mechanism in case you said no/were off with her. I may be wriong but pretty sure.

*them dropping out