Hello everyone, I have been lurking but not posting since coming back from holiday at half term. To remind you, and to inform the new members on the thread, I am married but hopelessly attracted to another woman in my circle of friends. Both of us are married, and happily so (well I am and she says she is), with great lives - lovely children, friends, social lives, gorgeous houses, satisfying jobs, etc... the only thing is, is that I'm completely besotted with my WIQ.
I've already talked on previous TT threads about my guilt over this. Dh is a wonderful man - he's an amazing father and a lovely husband. OK, we have our ups and downs, but we are happy together. We work well as a team, we have good sex, we laugh, joke, have fun together. What I find interesting about my predicament is that I have none of the classic reasons for obsessing over fancying someone else, at least not on the surface anyway, so I think I'm a case in point that these mad irrational crushes can happen to ANYBODY, no matter how perfect their life is. I'm a classic 'cake and eat it' type I guess!
I did speak to dh about my bisexuality when we met, but he, and I, didn't really see it as relevant as we were in love, and a gay lifestyle was never something I wanted - I always wanted the traditional set up with kids and roses round the door. (OK, OK, I'm sure many would argue that gay people can have that too but you have to bear in mind I come from a very traditional, middle class, Tory-voting family!). So since being married I've always managed to live with this dual sexuality, which has manifested itself in crushes on other women, two of which lasted two years each, plus the one I'm in now which has I think now hit the two year mark, with possible latent feelings beforehand which I was unaware of. Somehow I have always managed to bury my feelings and get on with life. It puts huge pressure on me and sometimes I think I might go mad! I simply couldn't speak to dh about it though, he'd take it really badly and would probably stop me from seeing WIQ again - I think he has a bit of an inkling anyway, so I have to behave very nonchalantly when I mention her.
Since I last wrote, WIQ and I have grown closer as friends. I really can't go into details on here about events or conversation details, but I am more confused than ever. When I see her during evenings, and she's had a couple of drinks, I often get this feeling from her - in the past I've noticed her looking at me, making a beeline for me, in fact at times the vibes have been really palpable. But during daytime meet ups, I always come away feeling as if there is NOTHING there, that it's business as usual etc. She seems to forget bits of information about me whereas I always seem to remember what she says about herself and what she's doing etc. It's as if I have no place in her busy, busy, fabulous life and I am no more important than any other casual friend to her.I often feel a bit depressed for a while afterwards, then I tell myself to pull myself together, to forget about her, to get on with my life and to focus on dh etc. After all, nothing CAN actually happen anyway?!! Then I'll maybe see her again, but in an evening set-up, and something will happen that will make me wonder whether it really is all business as usual with her. However, I am so bloody cool she'd have to be a complete fantasist herself to believe there is something coming from me... but she seems quite intuitive so I wonder if she feels a vibe too. Gay-dar if you like!
Often after I've seen her during the day, and I've come away feeling deflated, and a bit of time's passed, I'll start to feel vibes pulling me to her again. It's like a sixth sense almost. I wonder if all the talk between us is just hot air, and actually what is really there is this strong mutual link that I think she might be in denial about (when I think about her past and the nature of her marriage etc this does not surprise me - put it this way, I can't imagine that a crush on another woman was ever in her carefully-laid plans). For example, I saw her the night before last, and she was gabbling away almost from the first moment I saw her, than I realised that actually she was possibly quite nervous, and was worried about silences and the possible intimacy of us being together for a period of time. I think she has intimacy issues - even with her dh, she seems to like to be around lots of people all the time.
It's almost as if after I've seen her, a sand hole has been left, which manages to refill itself somehow, with the waves of our feelings. God how naff was that? Can't describe it any other way though. But I'm probably completely deluded and sound like a complete saddo! I am aware that I may be trying to convince myself of something that just isn't.
I will be back to post more, and I have been following your stories, which I'd like to comment on but I only have rare moments when I can post as I don't spend much time at the computer and I'm terrified of being caught! Briefly though: Caonima, your first post back got me quite hot under the collar and I couldn't help grinning for a while after reading it! Sounds amazing! I always pictured you in Melbourne or somewhere, interesting that you aren't - never thought of your city as a bohemian lace but it sounds idyllic! Likea wow, I do think your WIQ has feelings but is unsure of them and is terrified of plunging head first in as she knows how much it would affect her life if she did. I think giving her space and time is a good thing and everything you're doing is great. It's just as well you seem the patient type. Notfor you seem very appealing to other women - lucky you, from the sounds of things you have something about you! CW sounds like a good bet, you are v lucky that your dh is cool about it, but I would be aware of getting into any emotional entanglements (so say I!!) Outmy - my heart has nearly broken for you at times, your WIQ sounds like one seriously messed-up head case. I can't tell whether she has feelings for you as her looks could mean anything and she could just be a 'starer' but whatever, she seems to have major issues and I think her confusion and feeling of repulsion over her possibly bisexuality is something she may never get over unless she's prepared to tackle it herself.