Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

Hi everyone, thanks for the welcome....I just wanted to say in response to Cao's last post...that comment from your WIQ about not interested in any MALE in the city is in my humble opinion a raging green light. I would be very surprised if she didn't have exactly the same feelings as you, and is trying to drop hints, and they are not exactly subtle ones at that. Also the hair braiding is a form of intimacy which proves that she wants to be close to you.
Good luck, I really don't think you have anything to worry about. In terms of who makes the first move, it doesn't really matter and I think in this situation it will just happen naturally at the right moment.
For everyone out there wondering about their WIQ's - I think women are very intuitive and if you are giving off strong vibes and they are tuned into their feelings (which most women are)...then they are aware of your attraction. In my experience, when people know you are bi, they quite often come on to you. This has happened to me so many times, mainly with straight women and I think a lot of women are very curious to try it out and just don't have the opportunity as they don't often meet gay/bi women. Whereas with gay women, you have to give them some signal....as I don't look gay....these are only my experiences but I think it would be good for you to out yourself to a potential WIQ as it shows you are happy and confident with your sexuality.

Cao - welcome! your WIQ is so just waiting for you to kiss her; please don't keep her waiting any longer! It all sounds so wonderfully bohemian the way you describe it...

Reading this thread and how so many relationships on here seemed to start with constant communication and just wanting to be together constantly... i'm torturing myself with the amount of times it felt as though WIQ1 and i were on the verge of tipping over into that mode of being together, but I kept pulling back, and then so did she, and I feel almost tearful at the knowledge that it's not to be. I know i'm supposed to have moved on, but i just really miss the idea of the possibility of 'us'. There are approximately a million reasons why it just isn't going to happen, each more glaring than the last

Notfor - it must be hard letting go of WIQ1 as I imagine she has opened up new feelings you haven't had in a while but maybe you should view her as the catalyst into a whole new experience. You might let go of her and then she might change towards you and warm up. Taking the dignified, nonchalant path is probably the way to go but you never know, she could be in turmoil herself and miss the connection you had. You never really know what's going on inside someone's head as this thread proves!
Cao - your situation sounds very exciting and on the brink of something...maybe you have the signals now to take the plunge. She sounds very flirtatious and open and seems to enjoy very intimate moments with you.
Likea - hello. You have such a good memory. I am very impressed. Yes you're right my ex-H was not happy about my attraction to my WIQ but I found I related so much better to her that it was impossible to ignore how I felt and how different it was to what I was used to. Life leads you in all sorts of surprising directions as I found out myself

Forgot to day hello to follow good to read your posts. Sounds like your WIQ could've had a similar situation to mine.
Emma - I'm curious to know what your WIQ's DH thinks of his DW's crush. Is he is as cool as your DH?
Likea - I wonder if your WIQ has sussed that you have feelings for her, hence her seeming awkward when talking about her holiday. Hope she sees the light

Outmy - agree with what you say about possibly handling things differently but think timing is quite crucial. Both people need to be open to something at the same time. Women are so complex.

Thanks all,

I know, I have days when I feel like I can just take it on the chin, and others when I just want things to be different between us. Saw CW cycling along today, and was glad she didn't see me (in the car) as I was feeling dour, fat and ugly. She, on the other hand, looked like a gorgeous model in an advert for the health benefits of cycling! DH was nudging me to wave or something, but I just didn't feel like it. (It's just one of those moping over WIQ1 sort of days.)

Tomorrow I'll probably be thinking how great it is that CW and I live so close to each other that I can just chance upon her at random moments, so i know it's not how i'm going to feel permanently.

Cao - I'm intrigued to know where you live as it does sound so lovely and Bohemian - meetings in cafes, cities to visit nearby, gay friends, maids etc. It almost sounds like you're living in a different era - much more romantic and sophisticated. In my mind, it's somewhere quite exotic. Marrakesh? Oman? Cairo? Not convinced it's Europe but could it be Italy?

outmy, no mumsnet was just wgat i looked at but it showed many times in history just from that day, never before so i'm sure it was just mine, she didn't use the laptop that day, it's old one. she is just not likelt to look whichis a bit sad meaning she doesn't hope to see anything claryfying about me! i almost half wish she did look but i did erase this thread there as it's sill very awkward if she reads all my agonising, too much info really! she would not have to read all the threads what for - she is recogniseable from this one easily , if she sees it.
btw when i was suggesting to you that yo ucan always see wiq if you had a moment it was bot irrational - i just know you may simply missher sometimes after three yrs! you are allowed to go and look that s what i'm saying - it is a part of healing process. Case in point Notfor as she already missed wiq and she only had hopes for one months or so and you for years!
Loveis - canyou tell me what do you mean by embarrassed about her holiday with someone - what does that mean to me? i dont know 100% it's with a man, it is just strange she didn't mention girl friends if fthat was the case - maybe she teased me so that i ask her blatantly if it s a bf? that's the only positive i can see. she was very nice though to me after that and we had a cosy cat in the end about other things.
Caonima I really don't understand how can you both be so patient with the build up - what ar you waiting for when it s obvious that you ar mutually attracted what eith spending days together and comtact and getting intimate with hair and undressing!? why didn't you either kiss her already oìr asked something like whethr she is comfortable with the fact that you aer attracted to her? it is all a very long and strange game.
NotFor you did ask before and i can't spell out how we met etc as too obvious but we do not see each other a lot at all - i did say i partly help her with her pets and she trusts me with them but we meet once a week or two weeks and it s never just two of us as she always has people around - well we can be but for short periods of time. She also works from home and is busy while i do other things. I do find it as well that it's hard to feel that things aer meant to happen between you and ten they jus tdon't happen, i'm very preoccupied wit hher now, especially after very nice few las tmeetings but i'm in pain about this possible boyfriend and i don't know what to do.
Loveis what do you think - should i tell her knowing that or is it too pushy and selfish when she may be getting involved and happily so? i still felt a lot of vibes time before last recently but not so much last time and she is just NOT proactive wit hme just responsive. she doesn't know i'm bi and i was never bi before apart from mild fancying. i think she is vey apprehensive about social reaction which you had a bad taste of - do yo uthink i can do anything for her to stop foucsing on that?

Loveis it could be Vienna (re Caonima) though it can be also london notting hill or something.

actually maybe not lond if they talk abouy nearby cities..Austrian women do have vey good hair' often.

It would totally out me if I said the name of my city outright, incase anyone searches for it and it pops up, but it's the big one in China that isn't Beijing! We are both expats.

*this thread pops up, I meant. Not very eloquent today!

Outmy - I don't really know how much DH is trying to come round to my bi-sexuality NOW as I'm not pushing the conversation with him too much. He has always known of the 3+ years I spent dating women (& men) before I met him. He knows I spend lots of time with WIQ, he knows we have kissed, he knows I want to sleep with her. Since things are good between us, I don't want to rock the boat too much. Is that cowardly?

Loveis - my WIQ's DH has given his permission for us to have some fun together. You could say he's more ok with it than mine but saying yes and being ok about it in reality is another thing.

Emma - your DHs sounds very accepting and happy to allow you to explore which is amazing. They obviously aren't threatened by two women together.
Cao - I got the exotic bit right but hadn't imagined you were as far away as China. Great to picture where you and WIQ both are now.
Likea - I didn't think your WIQ was embarrassed, more perhaps feeling awkward for whatever reason. She must be aware on some level that you admire her but possibly hasn't entertained the thought of being with a woman and in a r-ship. She is very hard to read! In terms of her social awareness, you could initiate a conversation and make your views known - along the lines for example, that you don't agree that the rules of society have necessarily worked or make people happy (if you believe this) and that people who live their lives outside the box interest you more.Maybe give her examples of women you admire and throw in some bi-curious ones in there (ie Frida Kahlo) You could then gauge her reaction to these thoughts and get a better idea of what she really thinks of people who live outside society.

Sorry that was not a particularly articulate post. The heat has got the better of me.

shite! just typed a post and got logged out!dismal internet here.
outmy so how did you guess? i could do with tuning in too as i only recognise gay women when they aer in couples!
i think you will do ok as you have a place to share it on here and also your wiq hasn't confused yo utoo much n the end so i hope you will move on reasonably soon. great that you already getting in contact with gay women - maybe she can introuduce you to someone?!

my break started well tanks outmy, not perfect with the weather today but still swam in the waRM sea twice so far! So wish wiq was around though! instead i'm in pain imagining her going away with tht man - even though it's a few days in aug but getting painful images! i will ask her whether she is going with a bf in playful way as i can't just keep imagining - there is a chance it ss with friends not him.

Loveis i will try that kind of conversation, but the thing is, if she knows i admire her and am attracted then surely it all crossed her mind already, the bi subject and whether she would 'go there' - the question is does she admire me - or is she attracted, it can't be engineered. i think she sort of is attracted but if she never wd contemplate doing anyrhing then she would just block out anything i do or say I think.

the point is she needs to be open minded a little at least, i can't make her act on her attraction even if it's there but completely under control or even denied. I just think lack of proactive approach is very bad news, even though the way she responds does still encourage me but it's only responsiveness. and it's on and off at that.

Likea - a conversation about her views in general will give you some insight into how open-minded she really is or if she is set in her ways. Are there any signs (books, DVDs etc) in her house that might give you some information about this?