I haven't had a conversation with another adult for weeks

[LettyAshton]

I hope I'm in the right place - as this is mostly about me and not me and dh.

I have no family except for a sibling who lives abroad and has their own life.

I have no friends. Not even one. I did occasionally have lunch with an old school friend but she is Quite Important and after hearing her talk about Dave, Nick et al I wasn't surprised to receive a "if you're ever in London do get in touch" e-mail.

Dh leaves the house at 5.30am and returns about 9pm. When he's at home he's like Uncle Quentin and never leaves the study. He hasn't taken a proper holiday for several years. I booked a lunch on Travelzoo but that has languished unused for six months.

Due to dh's work and the dcs it is difficult to return to work. I have applied for a few things but not been successful.

I used to do some volunteering but I've quit as, to my shame, I had had enough of old people and bossy organisers.

Any advice or sympathy or just a pull yourself together pep talk?

Someone up thread suggested a dog, you haven't replied so maybe this isn't your cup-of-tea?

But I just wanted to say that I was in the dumps after getting made redundant and getting the dog was brilliant! It means you have to go out and get fresh air and exercise and can't mope around inside all day and it's amazingly sociable, you have a ready made topic of conversation to break the ice. Then if you want there are all sorts of training clubs and activities you can do and I have found dog people to be extremely friendly and they don't care at all what you look like!

Another suggestion is the local town museum, nearly always looking for volunteers, you get to chat to random people about local history and you'll be ideally placed to snap up any paid work that may become available. And they will appreciate your extensive vocabulary.

Good luck with the library job.

I'm always mulling over getting a dog, but they are rather a tie. I signed up with a dog "b&b" organisation, and recently had a paying guest. He was so naughty! I agree, though, that people were very friendly as I flew past being dragged along at 80mph by a mad beagle.

Evening classes e.g. Philosophy, History of Art? Join a choir?

You sound fun-I'd be friends with you (I have very few, and only because THEY made friends with ME. Never happens the other way around).

Don't stay in every night. Before I met DH I used to go to the cinema and art galleries on my own, even theatre occasionally. At least then when you do see/meet people you've got something cultural to talk about. I used to be the queen of turning hardly any life into convincing small talk.

people were very friendly as I flew past being dragged along at 80mph by a mad beagle.

The trick is NOT to get a mad beagle!

They are a tie and a big commitment - bit like kids, but worth it IMHO - bit like kids

Another thought - have you heard of NADFAS? Take a look at the website -

www.nadfas.org.uk/

It might be up your street (or in your shire, for that matter). They hold monthly lectures on all sorts of interesting arts-based themes across the country, run conservation projects, and do creative activities with young people, so it might be something you could do with your DD, if that's less daunting for you. And no, you don't have to be good at art!

Your DH is a twunt - i bet tht has been established already.

What i wanted to say was, volunteering doesn't have to all be about Charidee Mate! I volunteer, its all very much about gettin my career back on track, i work with tarantulas, which are marginally less scary than old people! Admitttedly this is for a friend and not organised via volunteer beaureax. But please get in touch with them, they will interview you and find out what you like and what you don't like - you can even do short term volunteering. You would be surprised at what opportunities there are out there. Yes, there are the charity shop type things but so much else you woudnt believe.

I take it money isn't an issue? What about retraining? college? Open university? Ordinary university where you could do a part time diploma/degree? Masters in Quantum physics - anything. You come across as witty and intelligent, you would be great company im sure - go out there and grab with both hands

Money is a bit of an issue, to be frank. Well, big educational outlays, anyway. And I'm not a lady who lunches. More of a bird with a beverage.

I really will get off my arse. You all sound so positive. I have got into a real rut in every area of my life and recently it's been rather difficult to see much point to me at all. I am a (slatternly) housekeeper and shadow educator but that's about it.

You sound like just my type of woman :) love a pint or three i do. Shadow educator? Teacher training? Red cross? They need help teaching refugee children. Bit of a plug they are great the redcross They

My 13 yo DS will run with me. I think you should give it a try. Running always makes you feel much more positive and couch to 5k makes it very manageable

Letty, the woman from the swimming pool may have been not only self evidently self centred but depressed in which case her memory is likely to be dodgy. A cheerful face and the ability to drone on for hours often covers that, IME.

Volunteering is great.

I don't know if you have any elderly neighbours? My mother is always propped up by people 2 generations younger than her who pop in to see her and meet other people there. It avoids the bossy syndrome you have mentioned and I recognise.

How about bell ringing? Bell ringers are boozy not bossy, friendly, rare, many or most don't have a religious affiliation, ie they ring the bells before a service and slope out. They all seem to know friends of friends all over the country. It takes a bit of time to learn to ring but they are always on the lookout for new people. If you are in England there will be bell teams near you. And it's an immense social and age range, from academics to manual workers, 11 to 75 and a meritocracy. Our lot are great and it has given a whole level of confidence to various people I know. It does take one evening for an hour or so a week, but you can then decide whether to go home or head to the pub afterwards. And it's free!

Love the image of the mad eagle.

Oldgrey - I missed that bit - does she look after birds of prey as well as dogs then?

Bloody phone...

Wonderful thought though, travelling through the air with beagle attached.

Letty dear, sounds like you need some umph! Some impetus in life. Why not join a gym? Classes are a good way to meet people and even if you don't form friendships, the good that you will do your body and the increased energy levels you will have (not to mention the rise in self-esteem that comes with it all), you have nothing to lose

Knock knock, anyone there?

Not meaning to badger you, Letty, but just wondered if you've made any progress - gone for a run, walked any dogs, signed up for any courses, rang any bells ....?

Do give us an update if you can face it.

Should that have been rung any bells? I have a feeling you may be a stickler for grammar!

My 13 y/o ds went running with me - he had to do it for his scout badge and I wanted to improve my fitness - we did it together, it was great

Hello!

Well, er, no. I intend to though! I told dh that, like it or not, I am going to do an evening class come September. He is a law unto himself, however, and I can imagine I would be all ready to go off to, say, Scottish country dancing (!) and dh would have gone awol. Last night with no warning he dossed down in the... Waldorf of all places.

I half thought of putting out a bugle call for local MNetters of a certain age (I see there are some people seeking fellow toddler mothers but that ain't me) but it was definitely only half a thought... now reduced to a quarter.

Get babysitter so no need to depend on DH. you'll have to come up with a better excuse than that

Letty, if your DS is 13 or so, it's perfectly okay to leave him in charge while you're out, you know (provided he's happy with it). We don't even pay our boy - he's happy enough having charge of the remote control for the evening, plus unlimited time on Facebook.

I fear you're looking for excuses.

Anyway, there are plenty of daytime AE courses, which tend to be more sociable as people often go and get a coffee together during any breaks. Evening courses tend not to have breaks, and people need to dash off home at the end....

p.s. what was Mr Ashton doing at the Waldorf? Hope he hasn't snaffled your Travelzoo voucher!

I'd leave ds home alone (and frequently do) but dd is 8 and the sort of person who is likely to get into a scrape.

I will try again with babysitters. I have asked various teenagers but they seem to be a cut above babysitting these days. One said she didn't do Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays or Saturdays. And then I saw a brand new Mini in their drive with a big bow around it saying "Happy 17th Birthday" so I guess she really didn't need a tenner! Another said she didn't want a career in childcare .

Good point about daytime classes - except there are very few in the daytime, probably because they use schools/FE colleges which are obviously occupied with full-time students during the day and, of course, most of the teachers are busy teaching in daylight hours. When I looked the other day there were things like "Music and Movement for the over 60s" which although is probably exactly my level of fitness, doesn't quite appeal.

Dear Letty - If you were in my particular cultural desert, I'd love to have a chat with you. You're a laugh. There are definitely people in your 'hood who will know that too, when you find them.
If I wasn't always at work, I would go to the local gym - there seems to be a v tight network of ladies there who have a drink afterwards - and it will make you lively and confident with the endorphin rush. How far on a train are you from London / Bath / Bristol / A.N.Other centre of civilisation? a weekly trip there, wherever it is, to see the sights / soak up the atmosphere would be something to look forward to.
Alternatively, it's golf / tennis and sh*g the instructor, of course.

Believe me, if I weren't so decrepit a quick shag of a tennis instructor would be a real tonic!

I have just re-checked the evening classes to ensure I'm not being too negative and the mainstream ones all start at 7pm. But I will enrol in one of those.

No contact from dh today; I hope he enjoyed his Waldorf breakfast. Hmmmph.

there are no waldorfs in this salad etc etc.

I reckon you'd be rather good on a creative / comedy writing course. Of course you could go the whole hog and do stand up...

Which "shire" are you in? I am in Yorkshire - am always up for a meet.

My boys are now 15 and 13 so fend for themselves really.

I do work, but have all the school hols off.

I must say I roared about your comment re you being dragged along walking the beagle