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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I haven't had a conversation with another adult for weeks

163 replies

LettyAshton · 06/07/2012 13:24

I hope I'm in the right place - as this is mostly about me and not me and dh.

I have no family except for a sibling who lives abroad and has their own life.

I have no friends. Not even one. I did occasionally have lunch with an old school friend but she is Quite Important and after hearing her talk about Dave, Nick et al I wasn't surprised to receive a "if you're ever in London do get in touch" e-mail.

Dh leaves the house at 5.30am and returns about 9pm. When he's at home he's like Uncle Quentin and never leaves the study. He hasn't taken a proper holiday for several years. I booked a lunch on Travelzoo but that has languished unused for six months.

Due to dh's work and the dcs it is difficult to return to work. I have applied for a few things but not been successful.

I used to do some volunteering but I've quit as, to my shame, I had had enough of old people and bossy organisers.

Any advice or sympathy or just a pull yourself together pep talk?

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 06/07/2012 17:44

You sound quite choosey about who you spend your time with. I'm guessing you wouldn't feel comfortable at the bingo hall, for example. Why don't you volunteer for Guides or Scouts? My mum has some great friendships from working in Guiding, with very interesting and fun women. They are always wanting new blood according to mum. Now it would require you to make your selfish DH give up a night per week to supervise the DC. Also you would probably have to do camp week and the odd weekend. Your DH is taking the piss completely with his schedule. You must get some evening time or time together using any, and I mean any, means necessary (speaks from experience).

Mumsyblouse · 06/07/2012 17:53

Letty, in the nicest possible way, your post irritates me a bit. You talk as if you were a bit part in a rather boring play called 'your life'. Your function isn't just to enable everyone elses's life, you know, you can actually have a happy fulfilled life on your own (and it's a good role model to the children to realise that everyone's needs need to be met in a family).

You also have very low self-esteem, those words your child's friend spoke (which I very much don't think a child would say unless prompted massively, mine would never ever say anythink like that to me or about another friend's mum, they don't think in those terms) are essentially your view of yourself. You are not likely to be old and unattractive and odd, you are probably a normal looking mummy in her forties who, if she perhaps got some good counselling, could be a positive vibrant person with an interesting life.

Your relationship with your husband is dire, you live separate lives and he appears to avoid you entirely, but don't seem to want to talk about this. Counselling may help you work out what you want there as well.

Some of the suggestions on here on how to make friends/find a useful purpose in life have been great. I think they are a starting-point, but they aren't the whole story. I really think without examining how you came to be so passive in your own life, and not have your needs met at all in your relationship, and why you don't seem to make friends, you will just join stuff, have another quite lonely experience, and be back where you started.

Where do you see yourself in all of this? What's stopping you getting out there and making something of your life? Write a book, set up a business, be a company director, set up a charitable foundation. Aim high. Or take a part-time job to get out of the house and see where that leads. You sound clever but frustrated and need an outlet for that.

As someone else has said, it's great to meet new people, but more than that, you need a purpose which is satisfying to you. I hope you find it.

bigTillyMint · 06/07/2012 17:59

There must be something you would enjoy doing. I agree, you need a purpose which is satisfying to you and maybe through that you will meet like-minded people (or even one person!)

What do you currently do all day?

homebythesea · 06/07/2012 18:17

But how do you know They are oddballs Letty? You barely give yourself a chance to get beyond first impressions. You will have to work at it and not be so defeatist and date I say it judgmental about the people you come across. Please stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide to do something positive and keep an open mind while you do so.

TheLightPassenger · 06/07/2012 18:35

I think we may have talked by PM relatively recently? If so then you live a zillion miles away from me so I can hardly offer to meet for coffee but it may be possible to meet halfway ish at some point over summer (though I understand that the whole meeting people from MN thing may well fill you with horror!).

I think mumsy raises a very interesting point, in terms of ending up as an observer in your own life. I am guilty of it myself, of being a reserved people watcher, mostly running away from any attention, even if positive. You obviously are v articulate and have a cracking sense of humour in your writing. Would you ever consider book reviewing/blogging - I do some book reviewing, and it does lead to a social life of sorts, albeit primarily online with some, admittedly limited real life chances to meet at events.

Spring also raises a good point - I know when I feel unloved and unlovable, it becomes a vicious circle - that I go in on myself, feel it a chore saying hello to the neighbours etc. Which just makes things worse.

I wonder as well whether if you lower your standards a bit - i.e. accept that the people at local vol work/libray are unlikely to be your bosm buddies but may be reasonable enough to spend time with as pleasant acquainances?r

LettyAshton · 06/07/2012 18:41

Thanks for the thought-provoking comments.

I think I have become rather reduced. Actually I am never bored - I'm always reading/looking/thinking (as well as fretting about ever-growing piles of washing that won't dry) - it's just a bit of company I'm after.

I know I come across as rather judgemental, but I can't help it when (in the school situation, for example) the other mums at dd's assembly were commenting "Samuel Pepys? I've never heard of him." "Me neither - who is he?" I'm not saying they're bad people - I'm hardly very highbrow myself - but never having heard of Samuel Pepys? I know this still makes me sound as if I feel superior, but I think it's only human nature to want to cleave to similar types. I'm certainly not a Bodenista/4X4 person - Asda and Primark do me fine!

I will sign up for a course (perhaps a language).

The dh issue is unsolvable. Even if he were a dustman he would be the one feeling obliged to cover everyone else's shifts and taking the lorry back out to pick up a missed bin.

OP posts:
LettyAshton · 06/07/2012 18:48

TheLightPassenger - no, that wasn't me. I have never braved a private message!

I'm happy to chat with anybody actually. In fact I'm the annoying saddo who talks to checkout operators and the postman. I can really understand why elderly people do this and I never tut when they hold up a queue.

I'm not as awful as my posts seem to indicate - well, perhaps I am - in fact I must be or else I would be fighting friends off.

OP posts:
lowercase · 06/07/2012 18:51

have you got ££?

how about a life coach until you are up and running?

Herrena · 06/07/2012 19:04

TBH op, you remind me of my mum a little bit. Not in terms of age, but personality; she moved back to the town where she grew up about 7 years ago, after a 25 year absence.

Various people got in touch with her via my grandparents (who still lived there) and said they'd love to see her, she must come round etc. She always said she would and never did. When questioned, she said 'We wouldn't have anything to talk about after 15 minutes.'

I think her problem was that she got hung up on wondering what they'd say to each other, worrying about social awkwardness and so never dared to just chat with people whom she might meet again (that's the crucial point - random bystanders are no problem to speak to). She also never joined any groups, did any activities, found any hobbies - she just sat in the house all day and brooded over my sister's (imagined) shortcomings as she waited for her to come home from college.

It was an awful period of her life and pretty hard for the rest of us too, as we knew we couldn't do anything to get her out of this rut - she had to want it and do it herself. Eventually we got quite impatient with her too, which may seem cruel but was born of frustration; it's hard when you want to help someone and they cry on your shoulder about how lonely they are but then just won't DO anything about it. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh op but you need to get up and seek out your own happiness. It sounds like you want to do that in any case, which is a very positive first step.

Uff. Sorry, that's an essay! You do sound like enjoyable company from these posts - I like people who choose to randomly chat, I do it myself! And I'll happily meet up with you if you're anywhere near Reading :)

takeitaway · 06/07/2012 19:07

Hi Letty

I just googled 'Uncle Quentin' so I'd understand your thread - I vaguely recalled him as an Enid Blyton character but I've always bloody hated Enid Blyton books (as well as Philippa Gregory ones) so didn't really know what he represented.

Anyway, the first thing Wikipedia led me to was a page about the Comic Strip Presents film of Five Go Mad in Dorset. It said this:

The film also portrayed Uncle Quentin as a "screaming homosexual" and his wife Fanny as an "unrelenting nymphomaniac"

Does this sound like you guys? Grin

Only joking.

Look, I think you sound wicked. (that's good, in teen speak). You are clearly a one-off. So celebrate that a bit. You're clearly not going to be joining a gym any time soon or meeting up with the yummy mummy set, but you know that's not what you want. So, like everyone's saying, sign up for some suitably random courses - try belly dancing (seriously, you can do this at my local AE centre, I've seen all ages going in!); take a language course with the view of going on a city break somewhere, with or without Uncle Quentin; try digital photography if you're hoping to meet a few 'normals'; and life drawing is always a good laugh - mostly the 'models' will be even uglier and older than you say you are! Bingo!

Oh, and about the 'ugly' comment from your DD's friend. If you fear there's a whiff of truth in that, there are things you can do about that, you know. Just a little trip to the Boots make-up counter, a bit of blusher, maybe knock yourself out and buy a mascara, even. Uncle Quentin might start coming home from work a bit earlier if you really sort yourself out! Wink

takeitaway · 06/07/2012 19:23

p.s. I don't think you need counselling. Or a dog - true, they get you out, but they also tie you down, and I think you need to be free to fly around a bit.

I think you know exactly who you are, and what you like. It just doesn't quite fit with the norm. But that's okay - you just have to search a bit harder for fellow randoms to knock around with; there aren't so many of us about, but we're out there Grin

LettyAshton · 06/07/2012 19:33

you're right, takeaway - I probably am a bit random. Ds says so, but he says his friends all think I'm "cool" so I can't be all bad!

Yes, I suppose I should bother my make-up bag a bit more. It doesn't seem worth it when it would all be wasted on the desert air. I wasn't as insulted as I might have been about the "old and ugly" comment as dd's friend's mother is 29 Shock so of course I look dreadful next to her.

I don't think dh is a screaming homosexual, although he does like a bit of Barbra Streisand... Nymphomaniac, me? Are there evening classes in that?

OP posts:
LettyAshton · 06/07/2012 19:41

Oh, by the way, I don't think I made myself clear in the OP, the old schoolfriend was giving me the brush off, with the "if you're ever in London..." e-mail. We used to meet up on a fairly regular basis, so to receive the sort of message you'd write in a Christmas card to a work colleague three offices' ago was unmistakably saying she was Too Important to fit me in. Anyway, it was not good to find oneself cast in the role of that mousey friend of Audrey Fforbes Hamilton in To The Manor Born.

OP posts:
KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 06/07/2012 19:43

you just don't like the things that everyone else likes and there's nothing wrong with that. I have a bit of the same issue myself. Quite often when I go to things I like - operas, literary festivals, stately homes - I can see I'm the youngest person there by some distance (am 37) but I'm resigned to that. I have NO interest in loading up the camper van and taking the kids to Glastonbury or pretending I'm into surfing or all that stuff people my age seem to do to try and convince themselves they're not middle-aged. Luckily I have a dh and a couple of friends who share my interests but when I meet new people I can see them thinking I'm a ponce. I say sod 'em and so should you. they may be hard to find but the people you have things in common with are out there.

bigTillyMint · 06/07/2012 19:43

Letty, you sound like you have a GSOH and don't take yourself too seriously. Maybe you just live in Dullsville.

Another reason I wouldn't want to move from my corner of LondonWink

takeitaway · 06/07/2012 19:43

They probably call it Cake Decorating and Sugarcraft, but I'm sure that's just a code name.

Oh, and my name is 'takeitaway'. I'm not a chicken tikka masala. Do you often get people's names wrong? Could explain the lack of friends ... Smile

How old is your DS, by the way?

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 06/07/2012 19:45

Just reading your last post about your friend - maybe you're reading too much into it? That's the sort of thing I might say to a friend who'd come up to town but meaning it, meaning it would be nice to hear from them when they're next around. I'm not sure it's as negative as you think.

LettyAshton · 06/07/2012 19:47

sorry, takeitaway, that was the auto-correction, but you've made me laugh out loud. There were you trying to be seriously groovy with the takeitaway thing (unless you've got a fussy toddler!) and I've insulted you. You may be right about the names - never forget a face but the name thing sometimes is a problem.

OP posts:
CoronationWigeon · 06/07/2012 19:58

I found your OP and subsequent posts really sad. A few thoughts:

You are choosing this. You have the power to choose something different.

I agree with many other posters that this is about you and DH. Not just meaning in the "leave the bastard sense" but in the way that you act and you deal with him too.

Single parents (those with shared custody and sensible XH's anyway) have more balance in their life. They have regular time to themselves. They have control over their schedules so they know they can plan things. Why are you in this relationship? What are you getting from it that you would lose if you were a single parent? Your children don't appear to have a father in any meaningful sense of the word either, so I can't believe you are in the relationship "for the sake of the kids".

It sounds like a pretty poor marriage. It would be ok if you were happy with it, although a bit odd, but you're not - entirely justifiably.

I don't mean that you should split up - I obviously know very little about your relationship - but you should think about these questions.

I imagine your DH would not contemplate couple counselling? Counselling for you might well be useful. It sounds like you have really low self-esteem at the moment. From that, and other things you've written, I wonder if there is any possibility you might be depressed? Here is a list of signs, from the NHS. If you think this might apply to you, please please go to your GP. A good GP will be able to suggest lots of possible ways forward.

WatermelonSugar · 06/07/2012 20:08

You seem very literary (well, you clearly know your Enid Blyton, if not your Philippa Gregory) so I was wondering if 'Letty Ashton' was a character in a book. But the only one I could find on Google is this one

Which is not what I was expecting.

MegBusset · 06/07/2012 20:09

I wouldn't get too hung up on finding people that you have everything in common with! Some of my best friends have never heard of Samuel Pepys but still manage to be kind, caring, funny and good company. I do agree that being more positive and open-minded will stand you in much better stead.

tumbletumble · 06/07/2012 20:41

Watermelon Grin

Letty, your OP sounds so sad, but as I read your later posts a different picture emerges. To me, you come across as someone who is pretty content with their own company. I wonder if you feel you should be going out and making lots of friends rather than really wanting to? There was a very interesting thread on Chat a couple of months ago about being an introvert and how to embrace it.

tumbletumble · 06/07/2012 20:48

PS I agree with KarlosKK that you may be reading too much into your friend's comment. It was probably something she wrote in a hurry and didn't mean it to come across that way. Give her a call!

oldgreyknickertest · 06/07/2012 21:39

Letty,
My Ds said exactly the same things about me when he was 8 and we keep our profile low in our surroundings, mostly, as otherwise our lovely neighbours who are the best in our area think we are crackers. So I sympathise.

But, is there a local paper you could contribute to? You write well and if you could do it as a volunteer they are always looking for copy eg on a specific topic. Can you write for the school magazine? Or edit it? Can you umpire or referee? Is there a charity you feel engaged with? Reading for the blind? Starting something where there is s gap round you?

How about taking up a musical instrument? Piano lessons during the day time?

I agree with the poster who divided the issues between how you feel about yourself and then your relationship. A lot if us have less than perfect relationships and sometimes needs must mean that someone has to work those hours.

I do think a job of any sort is a good confidence booster.

Are there people you used to share interests with at college? Can you organise a reunion?

Could you organise your local street to do its own mini Olympics, all the kids joining in? Hold the organising meeting in the pub and you will make a whole lot of new friends. Or hold them during school time in your house and ditto. Our street has changed its whole character since we organised the golden jubilee party, we have just had another one and people now look out for each other.

It will be up to you to be proactive.

And accept that a little bit of money will help to keep you sane and make you and you home happier, better for the dcs.

takeitaway · 08/07/2012 10:25

Hi Letty, just wondering if you've stumbled across any real live adults yet (or if you've still got your head in your Samuel Pepys diaries ...)

Really hope you're okay. Give us an update if you get a chance.