Please. Somebody.

[ohgodwhatjusthappened]

DH hit toddler DS. So hard it has bruised and left a mark. On his face.

He has never done this before, ever. DS was just screaming and he lost it.

He is an amazing father and husband. He's crying and saying he will leave if I want him to.

I am in shock. I have name changed btw, regular. Please somebody help me. Please.

I want to throw up.

He needs to leave, now.

Get him out then call someone in RL.

if you had done this, there would be a rash o women posters saying - whilst yes - its a bad bad thing, that sometimes you are pushed to the edge of reason and the important message to take from this is to employ better coping strategies for the future, perhaps get some help, counselling, parenting classes, support networks etc. That if work contributed to your stress levels or there are ANY other contributing factors, that this must be looked at and strategies put in place to enable this to never happen again.

I suspect however that you will get a lot of 'if my dh ever did that i would leave him'

please for gods sake do not take this forum as the base line for 'the norm' it just isn't. You know your dh, you know whether he bubbles with anger, whether there have been signs, whether he is likely to do it again and whether you want to 'overlook' this post event remorse in order to maintain your family or whether you genuinly to the bottom of your soul believe it to be true.

As a paretn i have done some awful things, i have also done some superstar things too. I hope that if i were ever judged, i would be judged on balance and not through one act

He needs to go. Now. He may be crying and sad now but if he truly is he will leave and seek help, he cannot stay at home while he seeks that help. If he's done it once he can do it again.

He needs to go so you, and he, can clear your heads about it. You won't solve anything immediately. Look after your little boy and if you have any close friends you can talk to, I'd do that.

Sounds a horrible situation, I really feel for you.

Custy speaks wisely.

It's a cliche, but it's never happened before

I'm going to go against the grain here.

Has your DH ever before showed any abusive behaviours? If the answer is yes then the right thing to do is to get him out of the house.

If this is genuinely, hand on heart, the very first time you have ever seen him behave like this then I'd not shut the door on this right now.

I am not condoning his behaviour, not at all, but if it is a first and only time and completely out of character then talking it through with him and working out what happened may be more useful in the long run.

He is NOT an amazing father. He hit a child o hard in the face he bruised him.

Protect your child. Throw him out.

I'd say the same thing about a woman. A frustrated smack on the bum is NOT comparable to this situation.

If I hit my child hard enough to leave a bruise I would leave and seek help, it has nothing to do with this being the OP's husband I would say exactly the same for a woman. Maybe my view is coloured because I was beaten to that degree as a child. Mum hit me and left marks, it was always justified because I cried too loudly or laughed at the wrong time or some such thing but in reality it was my mother's issues and they were hers to deal with, not mine.

He must have used some force to bruise him. Be prepared for possible social care investigation. And be honest with yourself about how great a father he is or is not. Only you know if this is a blip or not

Great post from Custardo.

And I am not saying throw him out and never have him darken the door again, I am saying ask him to leave while he gets help.

I am so gobsmacked right now.

Sorry but Custy, I have lashed out at my elder one in anger several times when he was little, and never managed to leave a bruise...to me that is beyond lashing out, it's beating up almost.

I know the man hates himself for it
But something has to be done to prevent it ever, ever happening again and to show the child that he is safe. And the bloke leaving is all I can think of.

Gobsmacked isn't even the right bit for it.

I can't even think.

Agree with Custardo 100%
I have done things as a parent that I am not proud of, including once smacking DD when she was wet from the bath, and it left a mark, I was horrified, but I am still their mum, and I still do the best job I can every day.
I am not perfect, neither are you and neither is your husband.
Whilst he has done a fairly bad thing, it does not make him a bad person, just an imperfect one, the same as each and every one of us.

I realise that this goes against the grain on Mumsnet.
We should never be judged on one action, but the sum of all the parts.

I'm with babyheaves and custardo.

Parenting is so so so hard and I'm sure nearly every parent has behaved in a way they are ashamed of at one time or another.

So hand on heart is this out of character or does his behaviour in other areas of his life give you warning signs?

Him being near me repulses me atm. It's like a total alien.

I also agree with Custardo - wise as always.

I too have done some shit things which I am not proud of.