Please. Somebody.

[ohgodwhatjusthappened]

DH hit toddler DS. So hard it has bruised and left a mark. On his face.

He has never done this before, ever. DS was just screaming and he lost it.

He is an amazing father and husband. He's crying and saying he will leave if I want him to.

I am in shock. I have name changed btw, regular. Please somebody help me. Please.

Actually I am saying he should be made to leave for hitting a toddler in the face hard in anger and leaving a bruise. I'm also really and that so many of you seem to think it is something thy could be worked through. Permanently leaving is the same advice I would give if the man had hit the op in the face and bruised her or she had hit him in the face and bruised him or if she had hit the baby in the face and bruised him. You cannot work past violent abuse. When someone violently abuses you or your child that should end the relationship, it is senseless asking why it happened as the victims of it. Senseless giving them another chance and working on it. It is totally and completely unreasonable, unjustifiable abusive behaviour and I fail to see what "more to the story" there could be that would make it reasonable and justifiable behaviour or that would make it safe for the child to be around him. This is in no way comparable to getting frustrated and resorting to a light tap which is fairly common and when most people do it it horrifies them, to bruise it must have been done with some considerable force.

I'd be a million times less likely to remain in a relationship with someone that hit my children than I would be someone who hit me but most people would agree that a wife who's husband punched her face leaving it bruised because he was angry should leave and never come back, why the double standard for a defenceless and dependent child?

Out of the house today Lying. Not forever, unless this was a pattern of behaviour (which it isn't).

Offred - completely agree with you.

I am shocked at some of the posts on here.

He hit a toddler hard enough on his face to bruise him

It wasn't a tap or a little smack FFS.

He needs to go and seek help for his issues.

No minimising, no justifying please.

And as for "bruising a child is often down to luck"?!?! If you don't hit your children, ever, you will never bruise them.

I am sure the advice would be different if he it OP instead of his far more vulnerable child

*hit

oh you poor poor thing, i bet you feel much worse than your DS :( I am willing to bet your DH feels the worst though. I don't know what to suggest, i just don't - he shouldn't have hit him. Are there other pressures that are making him more likely to snap at the moment? I am with those who say that if your DH is normally a good parent and good partner (you need to be very honest with yourself about this) then i can't see the gain in making him leave. But you need to talk talk talk and be sure that your DS is safe. So sorry that his has happened.

If this is what he is capable of when the OP is around, what the hell goes on when she isn't...

Would any of you advising if he is a "normally good father" he shouldn't be asked to leave advise the op the same if he had hit her?

Actually i would offred, without knowing further details, so soon after such an event to advise such drastic courses of action if the OP FEELS safe. If however she doesn't feel safe or feel that her DS is safe, of course my advice would be to make him leave. Clearly this cannot be brushed under the carpet but this is not the time for a knee jerk reaction. The devil really is in the detail, which we do not know.

What about saying to her "it's often just luck whether you'll bruise"?

The devil is not in the detail. If you have been assaulted it does not matter why.

What possible detail could there be that would make this ok?

And tbh you are talking out of your arse completely, plenty of women being beaten black and blue report they feel safe.

Offred, what I got from the OP's post was that her husband behaved out of character. I related a personal situation to the OP that went from bad to worse. However, I'm wont be presumptuous enough to declare her marriage over because I don't know how far from rehabilitation her DH is, if at all. I believe for now, the child needs to be away from the father, so that's as far as I am prepare to advise or comment.

I really don't know Offred and im honestly torn, i don't know what to think and i am pretty sure my knee jerk reaction would be to make my DP leave if he did this to my DD who is (6) but if he is remorseful and things have calmed down i can only see him being made to leave NOW this minute as making things worse. I would follow the advice of someone who suggest taking the child to a safe place (grandparent?) so the parents can discuss this without further upset to the child.

Whether he can be "rehabilitated" or not is a completely separate issue to me. He has assaulted a toddler, a fairly serious assault if the child is bruised, and in the face. There just is no getting past that for me, no matter what the circumstances before or after. That is beyond anything to me. I cannot understand why anyone would think it could be worked on.

Talk to your Dh.

If this isn't normal, he needs help.

I am not with those saying 'he must leave'

One mistake shoal not mean the end of everything.

Parenting is hard. Really hard.

I think DH needs help. He sounds horrified at what he did too.

Im sorry, i don't want to get into an argument about where i am talking from, i have said what i feel. I just hope that the OP manages to get this resolved, for the best, whatever that may be. :(

I've been lurking on MN for over a year and this is the first time I've felt compelled to post. I'm a child protection SW. I am shocked by the attitudes of some posters and really worried that the advice the OP is being given could seriously put her in a difficult position should children's services get involved.
The OP has got to ensure that she protects her DS, on a short term basis she has done absolutely the right thing by asking him to leave. That doesn't mean he has to be gone forever but they do need to work out how they will keep their DS safe on a long term basis, whether it's anger management, parenting support etc. Encouraging the OP to minimise the incident isn't going to help keep her DS safe.
From my experience should the police become involved it would be taken seriously and he would be likely to receive at least a caution. It is serious and the OP does seem to be taking it seriously and acting to protect her child. This will be viewed positively should any services become involved.

I didn't either but this thread has really upset me, not because of what happened but how people have reacted to it. Sweeping it under the carpet and making it sound like something normal. I really hope it works out well for the child.

I agree with Jomato and Offred.

I still can't get over some of the posts on here.

I don't know if this needs to be the end of the relationship, but I do think he needs to stay somewhere else for a couple of days whilst you figure out some issues eg:
will you be able to trust him to be alone with your DS?
is your DS scared of him?
what caused him to get so cross that he hurt a baby, and why the sudden loss of control?

I am so sorry you're having to deal with this; it must be such a horrible shock.