Will anyone admit to...?

[Just5minspeace]

...having an affair that no-one found out about?

@GoatsHaveStrangeEyes
It obviously didn't mean anything. If it has been that long now i probably wouldn't say anything either. TBH, it's not like when i told my dp it was eating me up inside. It's just i tell him most things and it seemed odd not saying anything. I knew i would tell him

ofcourseitsabloodynamechange Why didn't you just marry each other and have dc with each other? Genuinely curious.

I have. Am now (very happily) married to "OM". It was a relatively similar situation to misty0 by the sounds of it. Neither of us are proud of how we got together, but leaving my XH was the right decision for me.

ifimhonest i wasn't going to post at all, but wanted to just so I can wish you luck. I know how nervous you must be feeling, and just want to offer a bit of hand holding

Sorry my post wasn't clear - the he did the same referred to his getting on with life. He was married when I met him with a young child.

At that point he might have left but it was not what I wanted and now our families have grown and the disruption to all would be enormous and we are mostly happy as we are.

Sometimes I wonder if we should just make a go of it.

I'm not meaning to be horrible with this comment but i am curious.

For those of you that have had affairs for a long time how do you not let it affect your relationship. How do you not compare the men and how do you not feel guilty?

I'm not thinking any of these things should happen but I don't understand how such long term none relationships can continue without anyone realising or you feeling bad about it.

Ive slept with a married guy, and had sex with guys who were with other women. I slept with a guy last weekend knowing he had a new gf!

Before I met DH I cheated on nearly all of my boyfriends. I just liked the chase I think. I'm ripe for an affair right now tbh. Life is stressful and tiring, DH and I are always knackered and don't have any time for each other and while I'd like things to change he seems perfectly happy to plod along. There is nobody around me at the moment who I would consider sleeping with but if there was, I can't promise I wouldn't do it which makes me sad. DH used to be at the centre of my universe and I need that big passion, I thrive on it and hope it comes back soon.

Wow I can just imagine how this thread would go if it were started by a man

yes , got found out, put it behind me. DH managed to forgive me (we have DC) Still sometimes think about him but have a proper marriage now. Was full of highs and lows and madness.

I was a mixed-up person. Now I have a lovely family - and small yappy dog

Had EA for years, talked about running off together, didn't. My marriage ended and he left his wife for me before we even had sex. We are happily together now and will marry when divorces are finalised.

My marriage was shit and so was his, he told me he loved me years ago.

Flame away if you like, but I always feel on this board there is a real 'high ground moral' code on the subject of affairs. Life is never that cut and dried.

rabidanchovy - OP could well be a man....

When I was a teenager I cheated on all my boyfriends except 1 or two but always with the same guy, yep, that one, so it didn't feel as wrong .

Its not really a question of the moral high ground more having been on the receiving end knowing what thats like.

Life may not be cut and dried thats true but what is straightforward to me is if you want to be with someone else be with them dont be with a partner and go behind their backs. Being unhappy doesnt give you a free pass

Rabid Enlighten me please...

Yes 3 years and ongoing, we were both married although mine was in the process of leaving - he was not the cause however. I am like a second wife we see each other 5 days a week, he spends more time with me than her.
I have no wish for him to leave his wife, the plus points- the sex is amazing and we got over the " honeymoon period" a long time ago. We have the same interests - his wife doesn't. We enjoy each others company he makes me feel safe, secure and loved.
The minus - I don't contact him when he is on home time, I am alone at Christmas.
All my friends and family know him, he comes with me to family events.
He has a young daughter and his wife does not want him to leave. I do not know as I haven't spoken to her but she knows I exist although I'm not sure in what capacity.
I am not proud of myself but I love him and I know he loves me. I feel sorry for his wife but if u am honest I also think she is a fool and would be better off kicking him out.

Being unhappy creates a space in you which, sometimes, gets filled by connections with other people and unfortunately timing often doesn't come into it

Most people will only admit it if the affair was discovered, because they have nothing to lose.

Most people who are having affairs right now won't admit it because they have everything to lose. (apart from the women on this thread, obv)

I read something today that said that women are more successful at concealing affairs than men. 97% iirc, of women get away with it compared to 85% of men.

Bit depressing really.....

People have affairs because they are either serial cheaters who end up never loving anyone, except themselves and thats an illusion because they wouldn't behave that way in the first place if the really loved themselves.....or, because they meet someone else at the wrong time who is the right fit for them....or its just a one off drunken shag

And I'm a firm believer that if you really love someone, your head will never be turned

Yes sometimes unhappiness grows so slowly over time that it's something you don't even recognise properly. Or want to admit has happened. Like when people grow apart. From early 20s to mid 30s you can change allot for eg.

In my case i had been burying my unhappiness for years for fear of having a 'failed marriage'. It took meeting OM to clarify what was going on i suppose. I wasnt seeking an affair. But in hindsight i was 'ripe' for one.

People have affairs because they see it as a solution to their issues - instead of talking, counselling or even ending the marriage, they choose to have an affair instead.

It says a lot about their characters.

Loving someone is not enough - your head can still be turned.

What I genuinely don't understand though is why those of you who are in love with the OM don't leave to be with them? Or conversely those who are the OW and in love with their partners don't insist that they leave his wife? Is all the secrecy and sneaking around some kind of aphrodisiac? Genuinely interested, I could never have an affair myself. I'd blurt everything out to DH in an instant! Also I couldn't handle being with someone who was with someone else? How do you cope with that? Knowing that your DP is sleeping with his wife or whoever? Do you not get eaten up by that?

Yes misty I see that ( and sorry to pick on you I know there have been lots of similar posts) but why didnt you leave once you met your OM ?

The thing to me is people do fall out of love and that is allowed however hurtful to the one left behind but to then compound it with having been having an affair with someone else is not easily forgiven