Will anyone admit to...?

[Just5minspeace]

...having an affair that no-one found out about?

ooh I wish it wasn't so late. I'll be back to watch this!

I know about two affairs right now, in which the people involved have no idea that anyone knows...

Folk in lust aren't always as careful as they think.

Not me, but my friend has had numerous affairs and as far as I know, no-one has found out. She does not seem to get emotionally involved though, it all seems to be just a bit of fun to her so maybe that is why. They never last longer than a few months as far as I know and they are almost always work people who are also married/ involved seriously with someone.

I don't really understand it tbh.

yes several, over a 13 year marriage, often more than one affair ongoing at a time, never been found out (obviously I have name changed)

Yes. I confessed - not found out.

Married to the OM now.

Yes when I was married to SBXH, he'd had numerous affairs and I wanted to put him through what I went through and slept with his best friend.

In the end I never told anyone, and his BF was recently Best Man at his wedding so I guess he never found out.

Well, come on those of you who have fessed up! Tell us more. What's it like? What's it feel like? What's great? What's shit?

i've done it so much that leading a 'double life' no longer seems a problem.
I'm not trying to redeem or exonerate myself here.
These were not passionate all consuming affairs, i expect that would be difficult to manage.
More arrangements for sex, no drama's or reckless behaviour

I'm having one at the moment, and I think I am about to leave my DH for him. In fact, I know I am. I am in love with him. I don't say that as an excuse.

This thread has opened my eyes, thank you. The hardest thing by far is dealing with the guilt, the feeling that you must be a bad person if you are doing it. If you are currently in one, and racked with guilt, i can recommend an excellent book called 'When Good People Have Affairs" by Kirschenbaum.

and I know I'll get flamed - but walk a mile in my shoes before you say anything.

I've never been 'racked with guilt'

No - but marking my place (with popcorn)

Not another OW thread

There was one last week and it ended up in a huge bun fight. Most of the cheaters did not come out looking good at all and it might be worth having a look at it before you waste time and energy justifying your cheating and lying.

Yes. Several. But when I was with ex partners. I never felt guilty. I should have just left them, but I didn't have the courage. So I had affairs which helped me remain sane, and which, in the long term, helped me work up the courage to leave.

Have never cheated on DH and don't intend on doing so. But it is a completely different relationship : stable, loving, lots of mutual respect.

Here it is:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1491508-OW-perspective

Er, MadAboutHotChoc I of course respect your views. But this isn't an 'OW' thread. I am not an 'OW'. I am involved with someone who is single.

and whitewash sorry I didn't mean to suggest that everyone was. I just meant that if someone was, it was a good read. Sorry.

I'm that worst of both worlds the OW that cheats on her lover! Was a mug faithful wife for many years (turned down offers) and got dumped for someone else. So I make my own rules now including no-one finding out.

Yes, when I was with my ex.

Came so very close to having one around this time last year. Had become good friends with a guy from work who was also living with his gf. We got on so well and had loads in common (mutual interests, similar upbringing/values etc). He was absolutely gorgeous and a proper gentleman. Essentially, he was everything DH isn't. I couldn't believe this beautiful younger man was interested in me when he could have his pick. Girls really would throw themselves at him unashamedly.

He ended up leaving his gf. I chose to stay with DH. I still think about him and wonder if I made the right decision :(

IfImHonest no need to apologise:) and sorry to hear you're feeling tortured!
Mostly the men i had affairs with were single

Women: behaving as badly as men since 35,000 BC.

Of course. ;-)

of course, given the opportunity women are just as capable as men of behaving badly

My story is much the same as Whitewash; no dramas, don't want him to leave his wife AT ALL, just sex, and I am also not 'racked with guilt'.

V true whitewash. And they are also capable of having sex for fun and not develop strong emotional feelings.