Dating a cocaine user - experience/advice sought

[Shirsten]

Hi everyone
New ish here (have name changed).

I have been dating a guy for a few months and I really like him. However, he does a lot of cocaine - I think about two or three times a month at least. He's been doing for at least 15 years and recently he did it at his mum's birthday party and at a family wedding as well as doing it with his mates at the pub.

I know that 1. it's illegal, and 2. there are major human & environmental impacts from the growing & supply of cocaine, 3. it can be dangerous, especially if taken with alcohol which he does regularly. I've only ever tried it once but I prefer to get my highs from real life rather than depending on drugs for it.

I am fairly tolerant to drug use (I wish I wasn't but I am though I do find his attitudes about fairtrade a bit hypocritical given his cocaine use), and I haven't asked him not to indulge. I was, however, a bit shocked at the family occasions at which he snorted coke. I think it bothers him that I don't do it because it's a big part of his social life more than it bothers me that he does it. He's also reluctant to make plans because I think part of him wants to make sure he has drug taking opportunities at the weekends.

Twice he's cancelled plans we had because of what I think is 'Miami flu' - i.e. the flu like symptoms associated with a cocaine comedown.

Other than that, I have seen no mood swings, just a bit of restlessness after we've spent the weekend together.

Can anyone whose been in a relationship with a cocaine user or who has done cocaine on a regular basis give me their experiences? I've been doing a bit of reading about it and I don't know whether it's going to cause a problem soon. If so, I'd rather finish it now than get more attached to him than I already am.

There are no children involved and we are in our mid 30s. I really like him but do not want to come second to a drug.

Thanks!

what happened? Are you still with him?

A relationship with a cocaine user is a nightmare (speaking from experience) even if its fairly recreation (and by the way cocaine isn't physically addictive like booze -- the addiction is psychological). Coke users:

• will suffer mood swings (even if they don't show yet) - coke induces horrible comedowns which don't only make you feel shit they make your whole outlook on the world shit
• will suffer from anxiety and paranoia and will want access to coke to bring out the best in them socially
• will very probably want to drink heavily -- alcohol and coke have a symbiotic relationship
• will struggle to get around to doing other things in their free time if they've been on a binge -- it totally wipes your ability to organise your life and get things done
• will probably hide the extent of their use from you, especially if they sense you don't approve

It's not quite as straightforward as some people are making it out to be some people can use it fairly regularly and have their lives more or less together I did for years without any significant ill effects. But it can tip over fairly easily into becoming a problem and if someone is beginning to cancel plans because of it I would think very carefully

My exh did a lot of Coke. I will never know to what extent but I know he purchased 4+ grams a week. It changed his appearance, he drank a lot, blew his sinuses and changed personality.

That's the worse case scenario but I never thought he would get to that stage

I dated a guy who kept his cocaine use a secret from me for a long time. I actually asked him if he uses drugs and he said “been there, done that”. He lied to me.We are both older. When I found our I was very upset and told him to get lost.
He did. Then he came back and said he was trying to change. I think he was spending a lot of money on that and it was not having a good effect on his health. However he was very high functioning and successful in his career and he also told me he loved me and we had a lot of fun together.
In the end he really wanted to continue with his heavy drug use and I was secondary to that. I was extremely hurt after investing many years in that relationship with the hope of marriage.
After we split up I think he cleaned himself up because of a serious health scare. He would never speak to me again after I was so kind to him.
That was 5 years ago. I saw him last week walking down the street with another woman. I have no idea what his drug use/marital status is.
I never received an explanation or an apology from this man.
I agree with the other comment that cocaine use is not as straightforward as you might think. It makes people moody, paranoid and irrational in their personal relationships. That guy had so many secrets I do not know what they were. In the end he hurt me a lot.
If you can find a different man I suggest you get rid of a guy who is still using in his 30’s. It will not get better. If you are thinking of marrying - has he proposed to you and set a date? I doubt he will follow through on that, if that is what you want.
If you are not too far in (sounds like you are already) I would try to pick another man.
And I know this sounds creepy, but try to follow him around a little and ask some of his associates what he is doing. It’s possible he is not telling you the whole story.
Good luck. Look out for yourself first.

Been dating a guy for two years and living with him for a year. Recently questioned certain things and asked him if he did cocaine. I found some in his wallet and did not tell him. He said no and i said have u ever and he said long time ago. So i said please dont ever use it again no matter what and ge said ok. Two days later i checked his wallet and the packet was there but empty. Then the other night i asked him again amd i lies and said someone told me you use cocaine. He said thats not true and then i told him what i found and that he took it the day after he said he didnt use it. Then next day when he was at work i went snooping in his stuff. I found lots of empty packers of sex enhancing pills, pink wake up pills, two snorting straws, a couple of nb 1 pills(used for cancer patients!!!) and a tinfoil wrapper with either crack cocaine waxed or wax marajuana. Im devestated

Hey Dottie, sorry to hear that. I’m also sorry to have to tell you it sounds like he is using downers as well, specifically heroin. That dark waxy stuff on the tin foil? If I’m right, it’s the residue from smoking heroin off foil through a foil tube. It’s not hash. I’m sorry, you can’t fix him, only he can do that. I had an ex who got into all that, when I finally dumped him he tried to keep getting money off me, then when I refused he went and got himself completely clean and sober, never would have happened if I’d stayed.

I have already asked him to leave. I will not take him back. I just need to talk it through i guess to get support through this. I want to understand the drug addiction i guess as it gives me clarity. Dont even know how much he was using. He ofte. Couldnt sleep at night and would drink wine from dinner on right to bedtime during the week

Was married to one......got rid of him! never again

How often did your ex use it?

Just to say, this thread was started back in 2012. We're not sure the OP really wants it to be reactivated again all these years later so we're going to close it now.

If anyone wants to start a new thread on this issue, please go ahead.