Back in the sack

[Verminator]

I'll spare you all the gory details but I've recently become a dad. Babies arrival was more than a little traumatic and I am/was expecting it to take a while before we resumed "bedroom activities". We've talked about it and naturally Mrs Verminator is very anxious about getting back on it. However we still haven't even taken any small steps. She is even reluctant to kiss as she thinks this is going to lead to more. She has some confidence issues. I'm really not sure what to do or what advice I want. Just a little tired of being rebuffed. What is a reasonable time to wait?

CB you would be happy for your partner to post here about your sex life knowing it's very likely you will see it and put two and two together ?

Not to take the usual risk of an anonymous board but to know without a doubt that she also reads/posts here ?

AF-he said it was longer than 3 months.

I don't think AF is telling anyone NOT to post. I think she is pointing out it is a bit crap to do so in a place his wife uses for support. I'm inclined to agree.

I think the OP sounds quite entitled but probably no more so than the average clueless man. It isn't their fault, how can it be? But they don't need to get snippy with posters who are trying to help because it isn't what they want to hear.

Rodea, I appreciate that, but if Verminator knows dw is on mn, then surely some respect and privacy should be observed by him?

Can I add something having not read all of the thread. Whilst I was still feeding our little ones I didn't feel like much intimacy at all.

Maybe he thought he might get some advice or support,if he knows his wife comes on here he might not have known where else to ask.

Goodness, the OP started off sounding quite nice and reasonable, and I felt sympathetic, but just as soon as someone disagreed with him he got really nasty.

I can't understand people sticking up for him: he was very unpleasant to MAHC, then very patronising (who calls a grown woman "Little Miss"??), and then actually insulting to AF (chop his balls off rather than come home to her??) before she said anything rude to him.

Suddenly I can understand why lack of intimacy in the OP's marriage might be a problem if these are his true colours he's now showing.

"Portofino, sex is very important to men. NOT just for relieving their tension, but also to express nonverbally how they feel.

I happen to feel that way about it myself or rather, I used to...

And for calling me a pillar of patriarchy simply because I acknowledge that men are human beings with feelings that should be taken as seriously as ours... well, whatever floats your boat.

You know, having babies changes the whole dynamic of everything. And the people who miss out the most, are MEN. They lose their partner, they lose their intimacy bond and they get relegated. It's reality, its a fact of life, they should be mature enough to handle it, yes yes yes yes yes don't bother to post that.

But ADMIT it is a loss, fuck me we are allowed to express our grief enough. Having a baby is a great joy, but it also involves LOSS. Men get PND too."

Are you a man, abitwobbly? All I said was that the bloke was asking how soon he could get a shag. And that he had been given appropriate advice. When did I call you a pillar of the patriarchy? Have you HAD a baby? Do you know how exhausting and all consuming that is?

Okaayyy so there was me thinking maybe I'd been a bit harsh earlier in the thread. But no, I don't think I missed any irony or humour. I think my idiot radar was working fine.

And as for coming on to a forum your wife uses to complain about her. Shame on you, OP. You could have chosen plenty of other forums and mediums to garner advice, but no you deliberately chose one your wife uses.

I'm still wondering why your wife thinks a kiss is going to turn into full blown sex. Although I think I can imagine why.

Who uses the words "grief" and "loss" when talking about the birth of a new born baby? Only sexist men who are more concerned about getting their "sexy" wife back and having a shag,

Oh My God! I can't believe how this thread turned, it's madness, ladies! OP was never 'complaining 'about his wife, Abigail. why do you think it's ok to take a word or a phgrase and completely distort it, not just Abigail but lots of posters! Madaboutchocolate, he said I could spend 12 hrs resting, but I don't (want to spend 12 hrts) because I'm an adult! - do you have a blind spot or something - why did you quote only the first part?
MN is just scaaring ANY man to come here and ask advice. OP didn't I advise you to ignore the snappers and talk to sensible posters? why oh why didn't yo ulisten (I imagine as you aer stressed and your nerves are not too great) - there you are, the result! A person vomes with a genuine question, is supported by ,any and then a few (usual) posters just throw stones at him - why do you just autimatically hate men? you may hjave your reasons but don't let it out on anyone in the vicinity!

I don't "have my reasons" tonne, I respond to what I see

instead of making excuses for bad behaviour

he was "stressed" was he ?

I expect his wife not putting out is "stressing" him even more, so he comes and complains about it here where he knows she reads/posts

poor, misunderstood boy

Actually, I like the intimacy sex brings, I would miss having that closeness with DH, its a special sort of closeness for us anyway.

If he didnt want to sleep with me - I would want to know why and how it could be resolved, so I dont think that is a terrible question to ask or an awful thing for a person to want tbh.

18 months, each to their own and everything, but for me, that would be unthinkable.

likeatonneofbricks he was complaining about their sex life on a forum that his wife uses. You think that is OK? There are plenty of other places he could have taken his entitled arse.

Tbh I don't much care if we frighten away men like this.

AF, no stressed as any new parent would be! other things are hypothetical, like stress at work. Where on earth dod he ONCE attack his wife or complained - he sensitively asking for advice, where else wouldhe go? his wife wouldn't know it was him on MN, there aer other similar posts. Unlike many other men, he actually helps a lot with household and childcare and they rest together for that hour very often, as he says. I'd like to see anyone coming to this tread and not shot to pieces by you based on some imperfection in their wording or reaction to a post. Who can blame me, Madchocolate was deliberately not reading properly and distorting - who wouldn't get fed up?

AF Abigail and Madabout - did you notice that lots of posters don't agree with your assessment of him , and many said that your attacking him was unreasonable?

Men are given are fair hearing here, imho, if they refrain from sexist comments and behaviour. There are quite a few much respected male posters. Noone, on the other hand will get very far if they post misogynist stuff, be they male or female.

Oh the irony of "not shot to pieces by you over some imperfection in their wording"

The man was complaining.

blame him I meant

And yes I did see that likeatonneofbricks and I disagree with them, because I am allowed to do that.

tonne I would say this thread was approx 50/50 between those who are looking for reasons to excuse entitled male behaviour and those who are not

And quite frankly, it scares me how many women there are that will make excuses for awful male behaviour. If MN can do one thing, aside from the fun and the laughs, I really hope it can educate about these things.

Wot AF said. We speak from the same page