The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

limit - i dont drink and i dont smoke - i do like sex very much though! after all, a girls gotta have some fun!

Morning, tis me, Mouse

MsGee - I got me some Reiki - perfect. When I had Reiki, the healer doing it cried. She said that I was a strong spirit holding on to so many levels of pain.

Wonderful to see you back here and posting such wonderful news that you are still very much in control of your life, your drinking (or rather not) and that LittleMissGee is still utterly adorable.

Yesterday we went to get Nemo measured for one of THESE super-duper new pushchairs. DH was a little reluctant when he saw it, because he thinks it's too much like a wheelchair for a disabled child. I think he forgot that our son is disabled and does have mobility issues.

It's a much more supportive mode of transport for Nemo and will be much easier for me to use too. The staff at the wheelchair centre we so helpful and took a real interest in my mobility problems too so that the model we got suited both Nemo and me.

Limit - welcome to the Bus.

Grey - alcohol is so bad for your digestive system. I used to get severe IBS and heartburn on a regular basis but put it down to stress. Funny how stopping drinking every day (night) has seen the end of that....

Fuckit - that's a HUGE plus for me too, the glowing skin. Nemo's nurse was here on Monday and she said how healthy I looked. She said I have a really lovely glow about me. Plus no booze = more weigh lost, clear thinking, a healthier appetite, wanting to go out of the house more, more energy, less stress, less gloom, more get up and go, the list is endless. The longer you don't drink, the more you find to like about it.

Soma - great news about Albert the Bus's dog, he can be friends with Seth, the Bus's resident wolf

Ma - how are you today?

Thanks swallowed its good to know that I am being helpful in some way, you placed a perspective on it I hadn't realised

jesus now you have made me think, sex without being drunk! I don't think I even remember what that feels like!

No more putting it off, I am going to the shops now, will stock up on milk thistle and soft drinks, I hope my liver can start to forgive me

Saf - I've just had an omelette but it took ages for me to force feed myself. I can't do breakfast at all these days, well, rarely, so well done you!!

Limit - you'd be surprised just how quickly the body forgives you once you let it start to heal itself.

My LFT was not good and I'm due a re-test soon. I know for a fact that the results will be a huge improvement from the last one.

Get yourself a good all round multivit as well, or vitamin B complex.

mouse I'm ok. Still here, still battling on.
mum ill againg, vomiting and blood in urine. not good

Shit Ma - that must be really tough for you all. You know where we all are if you want to let it out. This is a Bus for life, love and laundry! Anything goes here Ma, you know that xx

morning everyone!

limit I know exactly what you mean about what fun is there when you can't do the things you want. I think what is there to look forward to? I'm going to book myself a massage and facial for my birthday so that's something. It does get easier...

To those saying they feel better... umm, not so far! I'm still waiting for the clear skin, bright eyes, better sleep... the only thing that has improved so far is I'm not so anxious about drinking/not drinking/if/how much etc. However my anxiety has just moved onto other things...

Mouse lovely to see you. Great news on the pushchair - particularly that it is good for you both. Bless your DH.

saf I do a breakfast with fruit, yoghurt and a bit of crunchy cereal. Mind you I am CRAVING toast with tons of butter. I have about 4lbs to lose before I reach my goal weight. Not drinking is helping most of all though I think.

ma ((( )))

For those worrying about life not being fun after booze ... I can confirm that it is. Others will be able to wax lyrical about the joys of sober sex but I am pretty asexual these days, so will leave that aside

Since I stopped drinking I have wonderful evenings, I work, I watch tv, I read, I search for holidays online, I potter. I do everything I used to do but with a clear head. I drank on the weekend and wittered at DH for 3 hours. Much MUCH more boring (for him and me).

Now I am not hungover I arrange days out. A few weeks ago I arranged a trip to the beach. Five hours in a car with a four year old. For four hours on the beach! She LOVED it. I felt proud. I went into London with DD recently too. I used to be too hungover / anxious to go anywhere. I do not say this lightly. I believed that if I left my town that either DD or I would die. I honestly did. I assumed some terrible fate would befall us and I would fail to protect us. Now I am without the fug of alcohol I am BRAVE enough to tackle my anxieties -head on.

I have lost weight. Coloured my hair. I have cheekbones. It was a running joke that I had a fat face in our house (think moonface). Apparently I do not. I have cheekbones. I had been bloated through alcohol for 20 YEARS.

Life is not boring after alcohol. It is scary without your safety net. You feel things. You tackle things (when ready). You live.

Honest. Its pretty good. And its much better than the alternative. If drinking was so much fun and so great - well, why are we on our umpeenth thread talking about how to stop?

Hi mouse I certainly hope so, didn't manage to find any milk thistle today, I think i am going to have to go a proper chemist and not the local supermarket but its still on my shopping list.

joey its sad that we think like that isn't it! I started smoking when I was 13 (back in the day when it was deemed "cool" still and the health affects weren't as widely advertised) think I started drinking properly about age 17..smoking and drinking always went hand in hand with being "cool" and having fun times. For me spending time in the pub with my dad and my mum aged 18 plus, I thought I was bonding with them again but I was really just absorbing their bad habits and lifestyle. I could kick myself now, in hindsight

MsGee I totally believe you and I totally want to be where you are, especially on the weight thing, a healthy dress size for me is a 14 (I am 6ft tall) but I am wavering around size 18 atm and have started buying size 20 for "comfort" .. I cant even suck my tummy in anymore to look better for photos (LOL? or ? I cant decide )and I dread the thought of hot weather clothes as I look stupid in them. I think the health benefits and weight loss are the things I am most looking forward to about beating this addiction.

I also avoid making any plans for the weekend, our plans would mostly be surrounding alcohol and when we got to drink alcohol; there are so many things Id like to do now but I still haven't made the leap of faith yet.

My youngest has been invited to a birthday party this weekend and I used to dread these the most, especially if it coincided with a time I wanted to drink. I said in one of my earlier posts that I wasn't a daytime drinker but this changes at weekends, its pretty much free for all after lunchtime.

I actually used to feel resentful of late afternoon tea time parties I'd have to drive her to and collect from as it meant I couldn't have a drink. How totally fucked up was my thinking? i feel so shamed again now I have posted that

ma sorry about your mum, hope she, and you will be ok.

just a quick thought - millions of muslims seem to have very enjoyable lives, they have weddings and partys and celebrations, all done without booze! thye seem to manage to raise a smile now and then, so why shouldnt we be able to have fun while sober?

its only habit and conditioning that tell us we need booze to live a fun life!

MsGee love the sound of your evenings - my idea of heaven also although Tuesdays will not be the same again now that Mad Men has finished. Does anyone watch it - do you reckon old Don is back to his old tricks? When Albert comes I'll be able to take him out for walks as well! Thanks for making him the bus's resident dog Mouse and love Nemo's new funky chair.

JWN can you tell me how to get my mojo back please? I'm single though so could be a problem...Everyone's commenting on how good I'm looking and I feel as if I'm going to waste :( The thought of a naked male body next to mine makes me feel horrified and excited at the same time...

There seem to be quite a few of us on here finding it hard to eat. I have virtually no appetite these days and wonder if it's down to the meds (sertraline which hasn't affected me before, antabuse and diazepam which I'm going to stop). I'm making myself eat lunch now (just soup) and am beginning to feel sick. When I went to my lovely recovery group yesterday and told them I was on my 4th prescription for diazepam (I'm allowed up to 30mg a day and get 28x5mg each time so each prescription lasts 5 days if I take the full lot), they were horrified that the GP should seeemingly be replacing one addiction with another. I'm definitely going to tell her next week that I want to taper off, or if she thinks it's early enough to stop cold turkey, will do that. I'm so scared of getting hooked on something else...

Mia hope it's another day filled with boing for you. At the moment I'm so full of energy I find it hard to sit still. Probably why I'm taking the diazepam, it calms me down and helps me sleep. But I do know it's a one-way ticket to hell if I stay on them. Love to all xx

soma if you don't mind me asking, were you prescribed these meds on your first trip to GP? I'm a little bit nervous about mine on Friday. How did it go for you and what did you say to GP?

I don't want to replace one addiction with another either.

ps JWN it's not just Muslims, a lot of Asians and Jewish people don't tolerate alcohol very well - apparently Westerners have a higher level of alcohol
dehydrogenase or something which makes us more tolerant. And of course it's more deeply engrained in our culture.
My ex-H is the same, he simply can't drink much and his siblings can't either - it makes them sick. Lucky them :)

No problem Limit and there's no point replacing one addiction with another is there? Benzodiazepines (of which diazepam is one) are usually only prescribed for people who are trying to detox from alcohol and are physically dependent. It helps with serious things like the DTs. And usually they're only given a short course of a few days under strict supervision. Do you think you're physically as well as psychologically dependent, because if it's only the latter, he/she probably won't prescribe anything like that.

I was personally surprised that my GP gave me a prescription for diazepam because I'm not physically dependent (I had the feeling that she thought I might be though)and she also knows I suffer from serious anxiety. But because I know how relaxed it makes me feel, I leapt at it (of course I have an addictive personality!). And when she offered me more, I didn't say no. I can see in retrospect that I should have been more careful but at least I'm going to stop it now.

I wouldn't be worried about being prescribed a benzo unless your GP thinks it's crucial to your detoxing. Don't mention it unless they do. As for the other drugs like antabuse, naltrexone and acamprosate, these are all non-addictive and potentially very useful. You may find that your GP knows very little about these medications so you'll probably be referred. But of course there isn't necessarily a need for you to take anything to help you sort out your alcohol dependence - it's all horses for courses. You might be better of with going to AA, or seeing your local D&A team and being assigned a key worker and going to regular support groups (which I do) or you might be able to do it all on your own, with all the love and support on here. BTW, you should try reading two great books "Cleaning Up" by Tania Glyde and "Drinking, A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. I read and re-read them and gain such inspiration from these strong, funny women.

Please feel free to PM me if you have anything else at all you want to ask. I am so pleased for you that you're taking this step, we are all with you xx

Thank you soma I have just ordered both books.

I am not sure how physically dependent I am to be honest. I know I have been drinking far too much, every single day for far too long.

There must be a physical dependence after that surely?

I was a bit negative earlier about the lack of benefits (so far) from not drinking. I've been pondering all afternoon, and have come up with a few more benefits

1. I used to get the munchies when drinking, now with any luck I'm losing weight and there is no guilt from midnight fridge-raids

1. Similarly every time I went to buy booze, I would also buy treats so now I'm saving money on alcohol and food

1. Very occasionally (only about once or twice a year) I would get so drunk that I would self-harm as a kind of punishment - thats not going to happen now

1. And also frequent fallings over/bruises in strange places. And a chip on my front tooth that I don't even remember doing

1. my acid reflux has improved - if I stopped drinking coffee it might go away completely, but one thing at a time!

Definitely on bus tonight.

Yay joey well done for finding some positives

It's easy to focus on how hard it can be and all the obstacles that need to be overcome. In the begining it seems like an impossible task, such a hard slog just to get through a day, a week. It seems endless doesn't it.

But once you get started, those days start to roll on past quicker and you come to realise that there are benefits, not least the wonderful sense of achievement at going to bed sober.

Anyone who doesn't drink today, I guarantee you will not wake up in the morning and regret it. You won't wake with a clear head and full memory of what you did last night and tell yourself, I wish I'd got drunk. It just doesn't happen that way.

MsGee you are awesome, you are having so much fun with LittleMissGee and you will both treasure these memories. Make sure you take lots of photos (maybe start a scrapbook) to keep looking back at, keep it alive for both of you. You rock! x

Great list Joey, just keep adding to it. It reminds me of the time I'd been out, got utterly lashed and passed out with my leg wedged right against a burning hot radiator (forgot to turn heating off of course). I had what was virtually a 3rd degree burn in the morning and still bear the scar.

Limit the GP will probably ask you what happens if you go any length of time without a drink but if it's never more than a day you could well be physically dependent by now. Do you ever need a drink first thing in the morning? I can sense how nervous you are, but please don't be. We'll all be there with you in spirit and just be proud of yourself that you're doing the right and sensible thing.
Any good GP will appreciate that but if you get any sense that he/she doesn't understand your problem, you can always go to another one. The patient is always right, it's so unlike the old days of the NHS! I remember going to my GP for the contraceptive pill in the mid 70s and querying the brand I was on because it had a high dose of oestregen (I'd done some research and knew there were other safer ones around). You know what she said? "You can't have your cake and eat it!"

A proud and happy hijack from me - my georgous, brainy DD has just let me know that she was awarded a FIRST for her degree. My brains and her father's perfectionism, a great gene pool combination

30mg a day!!!! your gp is fucked in the head soba - sorry but that's really shocking. did you start at that dose? and it only takes a few weeks if that to get addicted to valium. docs normally prescribe 2mg to start with and up to three a day and keep it very short term. it honestly is very bad practice.

sorry haven't read all the posts and have to dash but soba i'm sorry but had to comment. only a psychiatrist should be describing at that dose level and longer term. no wonder you're not getting the feel good effects yet! you'll be drugged to the eyeballs if you take what he's letting you have.

AND it's a depressant - majorly.

soma thanks for the info on GP.. I don't really know mine well at all so am really dreading it. I am definitely not yet at a stage where i need a drink first thing but I know I am close to getting there, I start thinking about drinking around 11am most days; that's why I am scared and KNOW I need to change

Bproud that is fabulous news well done to your DD. My oldest is in her first year and doing really well so far, the most I could ask was that she enjoyed it and did as well as she can but she is surpassing that you have every reason to live up to your username right now

Is it an indication of how addicted you are by what time you start thinking about drinking?! I always (used to) start thinking about it straight after lunch...

Get back to my desk at work, sit down and then think - what's next? Wonder whether I could go home via the supermarket, or maybe hold out another day, or should I just go to the corner shop, maybe I could persuade DH to get a takeaway and pick up some wine at the same time, on the other hand if I waited till tomorrow I could go to M&S - they have nice Pinot Grigio - but what if they don't have any - then I'm stuck! etc etc

bproud great news! How do you celebrate without alcohol? I think I would go for ice-cream...