The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

welcome to the bus albert

Despite my back being painful today, and today being a non-drinking day, I am feeling really happy and positive.

I had a strong pang earlier whilst doing the dinner prep and I thought 'ignore that, it'll pass.' Sure enough, it did. If i'd focused on that and started debating the issue with myself then I would have made it into a much larger issuea and I would have either ruined my good mood or ended up in short order with a glass in my hand.

It made me think of supporting women during labour when they're screaming that they can't bear the pain of the contraction and they can't go on (I was a trainee midwife but didn't complete the course). You have to convince them that indeed they can get through the contraction, they just have to breathe through it and then it will fade and stop and they'll be pain free again until the next one. Obviously I'm not comparing the physical pain levels with craving a drink, but the emotional feeling can be overwhelming. What I saw is that when a woman can withstand the pain with the faith that it will pass, she is able to regroup for the next one. But when the woman can't breathe through the pain and then recover between contractions, the fear and hysteria just build up and up. There's no gap for recovery so that she's ready to withstand the next onslaught, it all becomes terrifying and overwhelming, and she's caught in a negative cycle.

That's exactly what I did in labour too; I was screaming for the epidural and thank fuck I got one. That's what I have been doing previously with the cravings and pangs, I get all wrapped up in it and let it overwhelm me, just like I do with all my feelings. If I'm in a better state of mind I'm more able to take a breathe and tell myself to let it go rather than sink underneath it.

Anyway my labour / resisting the urge to drink snalogy made sense to me at the time. Less so now I've typed it all out... Oh well, maybe someone will find it resonates.

Snalogy?
Analogy!

Thank you Joey and Mia! He's coming on Saturday week so not long! I can't believe I'm getting a dog, I've wanted one since I was 5 years old. He did pee up against the piano leg but the rescue guy said he was just marking his territory!

Sobriety and a dog. That's what I want, he will be my constant reminder of why it's so good to not drink, because I wouldn't have got him if I'd been boozing the way I was.

It resonates Mia and I'm sure you would have made a wonderful midwife. Know you had to give up for good reasons and it's a most child-unfriendly profession which is quite ironic, is it not? I'll never forget my labour pains, I lay in a bath all night long just getting through the contractions and they had to go looking for me in the morning! I chickened out in the end too and had an epidural and what a bloody relief it was.

I not sure I would, Soba, but thank you for the vote of confidence!

There's an interesting article here about calming signals in dogs; the body language they use to communicate with other dogs (and humans) to diffuse conflict. It's an interesting read and once you start to learn the language it's amazing how often you see them using the signals! It might be an interesting read for you ahead of Albert's arrival.

I think that's a really interesting way of looking at cravings NonAstemia. It makes sense to me as I find they come in waves too and if you can just ride them out then you get a chance to recover until next time.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed a link, but I experience far fewer alcohol cravings if I'm eating really well and staying really well hydrated. That means cutting out caffeine, sugar and refined, white carbs for me. I'm convinced that my sugar and alcohol addictions are linked. If I'm drinking sugary tea, and bingeing on sugary foods and stuff like white pasta and white bread (which turn to sugar in your system anyway) I want to drink far more.

Alcohol and sugar are very similar substances. Both are addictive and made up purely of empty calories, ie completely devoid of nutrition.

It's the one thing I really disagree with as far as AA is concerned. They advocate drinking tea and coffee with 'plenty of sugar' when you are in early recovery. I personally feel this is disastrous advice (at least it is for me), and that the newly recovering addict needs to concentrate on properly nourishing themselves. Alcohol prevents the absorption of many essential nutrients and so regular heavy drinkers are often malnourished. We need vitamins and minerals, not yet more addictive, empty calories.

That's what I think anyway, and what helps for me.

I do agree with that fuckit. One of the counsellors at the group I used to go to, who is very knowledgeable about both the psychological and physical aspects of addiction, said pretty much just what you've said about needing to concentrate on really good nutrition. I do try to do that but have a few food issues which tend to come to the fore when I stop using other substances. I think I sort of feel like I'm being really 'virtuous' in other ways so 'have' to allow myself some cakes and Dime Bars and Diet Coke, which I know is bad for me but is another of my vices. My diet isn't terrible but it could be a lot better. I WILL tackle it but I don't feel able to do so just now. Stopping smoking is my next priority. Feels like I have mountains to climb but I can only do one thing at a time.

During the occasional periods of time that I DO manage to be completely virtuous (I know this is probably an unhelpful word to use but I can't think of another) by not smoking, drinking or using and having a healthy diet and lots of exercise....then I get onto dodgy ground because I start feeling like I 'deserve' something that's bad for me. Or I feel like I want to rebel against the wholesomeness. I wonder what that's all about.

fuckit I read this yesterday about sugar and the food industry. Very interesting article and makes a lot of sense to me.

so much to catch up on, you are all doing so well.
I am not even trying at the moment - sorry

Good advice re nutrition.

I am drinking, but will not pour another glass. Still absolutely in control (OK trying to convince myself but I am nit out of control). Have given dh an ultimatum...waiting for response but children still up.

Yesterday I did not drink, today I will not cry... perhaps tomorrow despite two glasses of wine this evening I will have slightly less puffy eyes?

Soba, I love my dog..reckon you will be very happy.

Thinking of you Today. There's always an ice cube wrapped in a clean tea towel for puffy eyes. Or stick your eye cream in the fridge - that's what I do.

Also I find another absolute bonus of concentrating on good nutrition and hydration, and cutting out sugar when you are not drinking, is that you start to look very much better really quite quickly. Skin improves, eyes look brighter, lips are no longer dry and flaky. Plus of course, you lose a bit of weight.

I don't know about anyone else but alcohol and sugar cause my usually good skin to have a complete nervous breakdown. But I've been looking after myself for a week now and already my skin is clear and glowy again. It's a really good incentive.

fuckit, im not sure that it is only aa who advocate taking a bit of sugar on board in early recovery, the point about taking the sugar on is that when you stop drinking your body craves not just the alcohol but the sugar that goes with it, it is a good idea for a while to make sure that you cope with one thing at a time, in general, the alcohol could kill while the sugar, although not the best substance in the world, will not! so, tackle the thing that is most likely to kill you first - the idea is to get past the early horrible persistant cravings, get some soberity under your belt, then deal with diet - another thing worth remembering is that for many alcoholics food has been such a low priority, often for many years, that actually, the need to take on calories in any form is pretty desperate - i agree that good nutrition is something to aim for, but in early soberity i think anything that stops you picking up the first drink is not a bad thing, even if it is a doughnut!

I can understand that Jesus but what I'm saying is that for me, consuming sugar makes alcohol cravings much worse and I'm sure I can't be the only one. I feel much more well much more quickly (and enjoy the added bonus of looking much better quickly too) if I'm eating and hydrating well from the get-go.

I don't think consuming sugar helps with alcohol cravings personally, and I've also read things from professionals who specialise in alcohol addiction saying the same thing.

But hey, whatever works for the individual at the end of the day. The priority is always getting and staying sober.

Oh well. My sugar has come from alcohol tonight. Tomorrow is another day...

Hi all - last night I only had a couple of glasses of wine, as I did the night before. I hope to keep that up, I suddenly had a thought earlier this week - the thought was that I cannot take my health for granted. I have felt unwell lately with tummy pains and the booze will only make that worse.

Morning everyone, had a long chat with H last night and told him I think I have a drinking problem. he quietly hugged me and said he has been worried for a long time about it but never said anything as I had to realise it for myself. We went on to discuss both of our drinking habits and that's when it dawned on me that he only has about 3-4 cans of cider every night and not the two bottles of wine I have been tanking!

We agreed that we are sort of as bad as each other in "allowing" this to happen and he has resolved to stop drinking during the week to support me but he doesn't feel the need to quit as I do. Have told him I want to completely stop drinking now.

I felt relieved after this chat, and a little bit closer to him.

I have decided to take another look at the EA in the cold light of sober, and see if it is really him being abusive or my interpretation of things from a drunken fug perspective. Right now I feel he will be supportive but I know things don't always seem as they appear. I have pretty much been drinking heavily from the start of our relationship so being sober may change things entirely; I'm still hoping we can make it through this together.

I did drink that bottle of wine last night but I stuck at the one and didn't go out or send anyone out to get more, which I would usually do.

Had a very restless night again, these are very usual for me..I'm hoping that once I stop I will get some good nights sleep again.

Need to go shopping today, I have every intention of avoiding the alcohol aisle today and stocking up on alternative non-alcoholic drinks for tonight, I want to try this tonight and see how it goes.

I have realised I am being a somewhat selfish poster on here right now and not offering much support to others: sorry

Limit. I am so pleased your dh is being supportive and well done for stopping at a bottle.

I am not sure how much I drank last night but I guess it was less than normal. Tonight I will not drink.

Limit you are not being selfish at all. That's good that you talked with your dh and I hope that things go from strength to strength.

Everything seems worse when one is drunk - after the initial hit of euphoria, the negative feelings come. I know that feeling only too well. In my case, I usually get paranoid.

Thank you today hope you find some strength tonight but don't kick yourself too much if you don't, that's the worst bit I think, after I posted here yesterday and was encouraged to have an alcohol free night I felt really guilty opening that bottle yesterday thinking of you lovely ladies here supporting me to stop.

Was ironic that I had "the chat" last night with H while drinking a glass of wine too. Seemed stupid saying I have a drink problem, while drinking!

greyhound me too, I get defensive and paranoid, in fact I remembered last night my H saying something to me about my drinking in the past and I got angry at him for suggesting I have a drink problem, this was ages ago

He seemed so happy with me this morning as well, I need to do this for all of us not just me.

Well done for having the chat limit and for drinking less than you would normally. Glad to hear your OH is being supportive at present.

Re. People being supportive: I had a chat with a friend a couple of days ago and told her I was worried about my drinking and going to abstain, at least for a while. Her reaction was a bit unhelpful in that she tried to normalise my drinking and said things like 'we all do that...it's very common' etc. I do think she's right- a lot of the people we mutually mix with, DO go on fortnightly drinking benders and binges so it might be 'normal' as in common, but that doesn't mean to say it's the right thing for me. I explained this to her, that if my drinking is a problem for me, then it is a problem. I got the impression she just thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill but I think there's probably a bit of jealousy there.

Sorry, meant to also say Hi to greyhound and today. Best of luck to you both for your plans. It's great that you are chatting here- good place to start.

Thank you water I'm worried about the future too, as I posted yesterday I feel my life is surrounded by alcohol and when I visit my Dad the whole weekend is centered around getting arseholed I'm not sure how I am going to handle this in future, spoke to H about it last night, but we can only take it a step at a time right now.

I'm due to go out on a hen Night next month, that's going to be a real test of my resolve too.

As a PS; I need to quit smoking too but that's to be tackled later, managed three months earlier this year using E-lites but that's not quite quitting is it? I said to H last night, if I quit drinking and smoking what fun is there to be had in life? how very sad I think that.

limit - you're not selfish at all. we're all here for our own drinking problem and we support others as, when and where we can. it's not your job to support people when you're dealing with the early stages of your own journey AND you don't realise how much hearing peoples stories does support others as they learn, realise things about themselves, reflect etc as they read other people's experiences. it can make long term sobers remember how bad it was and strengthen their resolve, it can make people in the thick of the drinking see that they're not the only ones and maybe there is a way out. so don't worry about that.

water - i think sometimes groups are all about normalising each others quirks - like tends to hang with like and create a confirmation bias if you like that they are 'normal'. it often happens with heavy drinkers. thing is though some of them will just be heavy drinkers whilst some will be alcoholics. some will be alcoholics ready to deal others will be still in determined denial and those ones can resent people who are threatening the 'normalisation' effect. just focus on you.

i enjoyed the sugar article mia - nothing new but a very timely reminder. for me the sugar did help in the early days of stopping drinking. it was also important for me to learn 'walk don't run' and not to go off on the deep end of perfectionism that for me would often lead to the deep end of failure. it's two months now and i'm ready to tackle the healthier eating. i think i also needed to see that the world does not end if i eat some crap and put a bit of weight on for a while. semi-consciously i used alcohol to control my weight. i knew if i drank loads but didn't really eat i lost weight or kept my weight down. if i ate well and drank i put weight on. the eating well and not drinking was not an option so it was food that would always come low on the priority list and the notion of 'getting fat' is something that has stopped me give up smoking for one thing and i think definitely played into the drinking too with hindsight.

each to their own.

today i forced myself to eat some scrambled eggs - i NEVER eat breakfast, never have, the idea generally makes me feel nauseus let alone doing it but i forced some eggs down. i'm going to try the up the protein and fibre to minimise sugar cravings and stabilise blood sugar route rather than 'dieting'. walk not run

happy hump day babes