Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

You are only more vulnerable if you meet a rapist.

Well you aren't going to be raped if there isn't a rapist around are you portofino? I think I have said that a few times now. I just think that if there is a rapist around a drunk person is more vulnerable than a sober person. Is this really such a difficult idea? If you're drunk you're more at risk in general. More at risk of getting hit by a car, more st risk of falling into a river, more at risk of falling over and severely injuring yourself...being drunk just makes you more vulnerable.

No statistically being drunk doesn't make you more vulnerable.

Well you are not more vulnerable to being hit by a car if there isnt one about

Being drunk would only make you more vulnerable if the rapist prefers drunk women. If the rapist's fantasy is for the sober woman then you should have gotten drunk, shouldn't you? Silly.

Why are you more vulnerable if you are drunk? How are you going to avoid a rapist more successfully if you're sober?

I'd like to understand

Those examples are all accidents. Rape is not an accident, it's an intentional act by a rapist.

You are more at risk if someone you trust turns out to be a rapist, as garlic says.

x-posted with a load of other people

''If you're drunk you're more at risk in general. More at risk of getting hit by a car Accidental, more st risk of falling into a river accidental, more at risk of falling over and severely injuring yourself Accidental...being drunk just makes you more vulnerable'' to erm accidents maybe

Not to a rapist

X posts with Plenty

If there is a rapist hanging around waiting for his victim who is he more likely to pick - the sober women walking home in a group or the woman staggering home drunk by herself?

Answer: The girl who looks more like his mum?

I try very hard never to second guess others. And definitely would never second guess a criminal!

Rape is one of those "but for the grace of God" moments. Not a "I (could have) protected myself by" situations.

If you have been raped whilst intoxicated, my heart goes out to you and I with all seriousness say, the "if I hadn't then" etc is always present in these cases. Drunk, jogging, alone, too trusting, too weak, too old, too pretty, low self esteem, not fast enough, bad friends, too much presence etc etc. There is always something the perpetrator took advantage of and the bottom line is you were with the wrong person at the wrong time.

Heyyy - are you specifically talking about rape or do you mean in general?

MrsD, well that's the same point about not being at risk if there isn't a rapist about which I've already said is obvious. Also, the 'fighting off' is just an example. Do you not think that anyone ever has to try to fight off someone who is trying to rape them?

Molasses, you could be right but, as I said before, you probably stand a better chance of being able to fight off an attack (in this particular example before someone jumps on me again!) if you are sober than if you are staggering home drunk or passed out in a doorway somewhere.

Dowager, because as I (and some others including those who have shared their experiences) have said- sometimes when you are drunk you make decisions that you would not make if you were sober and you end up in a situation that you would not have found yourself in if you were not drunk.

Tbh I think there are way too many variables here. I am not saying these things protect you in all cases but I think it's silly to say that they will never protect you which is what some of you seem to be arguing.

"No woman deserves to be raped. Some women increase their risk of it by their own actions"

But, but, but, THIS is the problem, that means by your definition, if a woman has increased her risk 'a little bit' by being drunk, then it is 'a little bit' her fault.

All those who are saying that by staying sober you are 'less lightly to be raped' wtf do you think you are saying by default about the woman who chooses to get drunk and gets raped?

Thing is, most men are not rapists. Most men, if they have been flirting with, dancing with, chatting with, drinking with a woman they just met, if she is totally bladdered and wants to go to sleep, they won't rape her. They'll let her sleep. Those of you saying that women have to 'take responsiblity' think of the good men in your own lives (apologies to anyone who has mostly experienced only abuse from men) - your dad, your brother, your mate's partner, your own partner. If one of these men saw a drunk woman staggering home, do you really think his reaction would be to shove his cock in her?

Lemarche, I'm not sure who you think is saying that. Obviously not in all cases, your DP/DH could end up raping you.

It's never about the woman's actions. I've been drunk and sort of started having sex with blokes and then asked them to stop because I feel sick or have changed my mind. They've stopped. They weren't rapists. Most men want a willing, enthusiastic sexual partner, not a frightened, reluctant or unconscious one.

MYTH: Women are most likely to be raped by a stranger, outside, in dark alleyways

REALITY: More than 80% of women who are raped know their attacker(1); 53% of perpetrators of serious sexual assaults are current partners or ex-partners.(2)

In fact, over two-thirds of rapes take place in the victim's home, the suspect's home or the victim/suspect's shared home(3). This myth can mean that women who are raped in these circumstances don't identify their experience as rape, and therefore don't report it.

It also puts blames the victim, and limits women's freedom of movement by implying that rape can be prevented by avoiding certain places.

MYTH BUSTED! By our bloggers AlreetHinny and LittleMeFrance

(My bold.)

Who is saying that they think that SGB? Are people wilfully misunderstanding posters on this thread? Some of you seem to be arguing against points that haven't even been made

It is education that is protecting us Bumbley. Not being the good girl in the neck to toe sack cloth. Educating people that rape is a no-no like murder and paedophilia and has no excuses is what has brought some parts of this world of out the dark ages. some? most? men and women know that now, so your chances of meeting one are diminished. That is what is protecting us. The unending campaign against the crime and not the campaign to protect from the crime.

And it is a shame you seem to take it for granted.

Would you like to go back to the times (or other societies) when(where) rape was(is) more common/accepted and see if being sober helps a wee bit?

bumbleymummy no not silly, it's scary. By hanging onto myths like she% was too drunk, she put herself in tgat position you are saying you^ would never do tgat and therefore are safe. It's simply not true.

I'm not saying every man is a rapist and every moment of your day you are at risk, what I'm saying is what you do or don't do isn't what gets you raped.