Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

Geekette, no I wouldn't but that doesn't mean I'm going to put all my trust and faith in society and their opinion of rape to protect me.

Oh no and lemarche, I'm
Not saying I'm always safe from rapists full stop but I am safe from the rapists targeting drunk women walking home alone at night. See the difference?

But why is it less likelt? Whats to say that he wouldn't threaten her or pinned her down to rape her?

Bumbley you have to realise he really wanted to sleep with her. If she hadn't passed out, he would have offered to take her home, punched her unconscious, drugged her drink or made up a tale to get her alone. It was not because she was drunk. He just took advantage of that fact. He was going to do it and would have actively sought out the opportunity!!

You don't even bother questioning if he is the one plying her with drink because he knowns just how much she can take! You just stop at ....

I'm not blaming her at all lemarche. I think I made that clear. I'm
Just pointing out that there are situations that make it easier for someone to take advantage. That doesn't mean that they should take advantage or that they will but unfortunately some do.

I don't think that accepting that someone is more vulnerable when they are drunk is anything like suggesting that they are to blame for being raped.

Good lemarche! :)

But you are only more vulnerable to rape if you encounter a rapist.

Is there an echo in here?

We don't put all our faith in society, that is why the education goes on and the "girls protect yourselves" message, as self reassuring as it may be, severely undermines that education and leads to people actually believing that an opportunity or advantage is an excuse for rape.

Sorry if you can't see that. But I prefer to give the rapist no excuse what so ever. He/She is already on the lookout for it...

Replace the crime with murder, someone stabbed me and I died. Saying that being sober could have protected me from my fate would be laughable at best and yet you think this is reasonable for rape...

But lemarche, we all do things to feel safer. I lock my house when I go out. I shouldn't have to and if someone really wanted to break in then they would anyway but I still lock it because it takes out some of the risk of being burgled.

she may be able to fight him off.

Even my DH thinks that is funny

Go ahead and believe that if you want to.

bumbleymummy okay, say tonight you stay in and watch the box and keep yourself safe from maurauding rapists.

I, however, chose to go out clubbing in a tiny dress get wankered and walk three miles home on my own at 3am.

I get raped.

By your definition, I failed to keep myself safe hence it is my fault.

Hear hear Plenty.

Bollocks to the "a drunk person is less likely to be able to fight a rapist off"

There are way too many variables, I think it's quite apparent from some town centres on a Saturday night that some women are fantastic fighters when drunk, especially as alcohol tends to stop you feeling so much pain, so where (sober) you'd have pain holding you back, when you are drunk you'd have less worry there.

Geek, being sober may have protected you if you were able to fight off your attacker for example. It doesn't excuse the person who stabbed you in any way though.

I agree with not giving someone the excuse and if walking home drunk and alone is the excuse they are looking for then I won't be giving it to them.

I think education is great but I think it will come from both sides. Boys/men - don't rape. Simple. Girls/women, look out for yourselves and each other. What's wrong with a joint approach? You can't assume that the message will get through to every boy/man.

Ok geekete - you and your DH go tell all those women taking self defence classes that they're wasting their time then.

Yes geekette I understand about not allowing men off the hook but I was explaining in my situation, I wouldn't have been raped by that particular man if I hadn't been drunk. My sober self would never have gone onto a deserted dark beach with a stranger. I would have stayed in the club with the group of friends and we'd then have all walked back to my parents house. He simply wouldn't have had the opportunity.

But the rapist could rape a sober woman who could freeze with fear! So what is the different between being passed out drunk or frozen with fear?

Nope, not your fault gobblers. Rapists fault.

I definitely do not lock my doors thinking that makes me safer!!!

The mind is a wonderful thing and even though I know it wont make me safer, self reassurance means I sleep better because it appeases the child in me to lock it.

I am definitely aware that if I wanted to burgle my own house I most definitely can!!! Locked door or no locked doors! And I know how to get into most houses on the street.

I will never take for granted that it is the kind of street I live on and the lack of possessions, relatively speaking, which means I do not get burgled!

The only house I have been in which was burgled was my parents and it was locked to the hilt...

I think you do need to separate what actually makes you safer from what makes you think you are safe...

Plenty - it's an example. I'm not trying to offend anyone and apologies if I have. I am taking a very specific situation where two people are trying to fight back and, in that situation, the sober person has a better chance of doing so than a drunk/unconscious person.