Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

A high proportion of rapes are committed by a small proportion of men.
Predator theory
This bears out what my (very experienced) self-defence teacher told me, and also what some contemporary experts - ie, women who work with convicted rapists - posted on a FWR thread about it.

Very, very few of them are wandering around raping as and when they spot a "vulnerable" target. The majority identify a victim and go for it. If they fail with her, they'll move on to the next appropriate target. But you can do nothing to prevent him identifying you as a potential victim.

Bumbley - but most people are raped by someone they know....

No portofino, the victim shouldn't have to fight anyone off but she would be more able to fight someone off if she was sober. Do you disagree?

Yes

I'm not sure about that, Willow. it doesn't explain known serial rapists who specialise in elderly women, for example, or those who live in a certain type of home (I was targeted by one who always went for first-floor flats!) and Worboys, who needed no more than that they be in his taxi by themselves.

I'm sure there's a sociopath somewhere who loves to think of raping women in their gardens ....

I don't think you can ever take them all out lemarche. You have to find a balance. It's not a huge deal to me to not walk home drunk and alone and that means of there is a rapist in the area looking for a lonely drunk girl walking home then I won't be in the equation.

Portofino - you honestly think that a drunk person is as capable of defending themselves as a sober person? Really? Take rapist out of the equation and answer honestly.

In a fight - maybe. In the rape scenario a woman is just as likely to be terrified and freeze up to avoid being hurt, as to fight.

MYTH: If a woman didn't struggle, wasn't injured, or didn't report immediately - she wasn't raped

REALITY: Victims may cooperate with the rapist to save their lives; or they may be paralysed by fear. Following rape, many victims experience shock; this can make them seem 'unnaturally calm'.

Victims are often legitimately afraid of being killed or seriously injured; the rapist may have threatened further harm - or harm to family members - if they resist. The victim's perception of danger will influence their behaviour.

Victims may experience shame, shock, or denial, which might mean they do not report the rape for some time. The Court of Appeal has ruled that a late complaint does not mean that it's a false complaint.(4)

MYTH BUSTED! By guest blogger and journalist Bidisha

(My bold.)

"you will not get raped unless you happen to come across a RAPIST"

That's kind of obvious surely? Do you really think I'm saying that if you are drunk then every/any man will try to rape you?

No - you are claiming that if women behave in certain ways they are less/more likely to be raped. This is NOT true.

I was out with a friend last night. It was a special occasion, and she was hammered. I stayed reasonably in control of myself as I could see her getting out of it.

She doesnt even remember the later part of the evening. I do.

If she had been on her own, there is every chance that she could have woken up this morning regretting her actions.

She didnt know the blokes who she was chatting up. She could easily have been putting herself into a situation with someone who would take advantage of her if she had been on her own.

No woman deserves to be raped. Some women increase their risk of it by their own actions.

I called round to see her this morning, she doesnt remember how we got home.

I've successfully fended off three definite would-be rapists while drunk. I've been drugged and assaulted while unconscious. I've been raped by two husbands and a boyfriend. My 'vulnerability' in the last four cases was trusting the person who attacked me.

As frequently mentioned already, and as in the OP case, trust is the weapon of choice for most rapists.

To choose never to trust men, because of the small proportion who may use it against you, would be a massive personal sacrifice. Yet trust - not alcohol - is what makes you more vulnerable to rape.

Portofino - surely trying to defend yourself against a rapist is a fight? I'm not talking about freezing up here - a drunk person could freeze up too but if you take two women who are going to try to fight someone off then the sober one is going to have the edge.

You are claiming that if women behave in certain ways they are less/more likely to be raped. This is NOT true.

I may keep re-posting that all evening, Porto!

I agree that being drunk or sober shouldn't make any difference. However I was raped because I was drunk. The fault lies completely with the guy who raped me but I know that I would never have put myself in that situation if I hadn't been drunk.

I went onto a deserted beach with a guy I didn't know who I met in a club on holiday. I know it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't chosen to rape me but equally if I had been sober I would never have left my friends and gone to a beach to snog a stranger.

I will be telling both my dd and ds that being drunk does make them vulnerable and expose them to more danger. I would be more worried tbh about my son when he's a teenager as we live in a city where knife crime is rife.

"No - you are claiming that if women behave in certain ways they are less/more likely to be raped. This is NOT true."

Actually I'm saying that if you are drunk you are more vulnerable - I don't think that's the same thing.

most rapes take place indoors by a man known to the woman. there is emotional manipulation not physical violence, so this 'fight him off' idea is redundant Hollywood myth

Julia, it's an example. You do say most not all.

Hang on a sec. I learned how to fight (dirty) and also several non-violent tactics. It was all, including the physical fighting, about trying to break out of the attacker's fantasy. As I said, I have done this successfully. I failed in situations where I trusted men I should have been able to trust, therefore didn't spot what they were doing in time to alter the script.

Of course I'm not suggesting rape victims can always stop what's happening. Freezing & giving in are often the safest responses, plus you can't know how you will react to any given crisis until you're in it.