DH deliberately cooks food DS2 doesn't like....

[Cornflakemum]

I'd like some perspective on this...

Every so often I feel that DH does stuff that I find sort of passive-aggressive... as if he's 'asserting his authority'..

Tonight is a case in point. His turn to cook dinner (he works from home, so we take turns).
Kids have packed lunches, so I like to make sure they have a 'proper' meal at teatime.

DH makes Fajita chicken wraps. No problem there, except that he puts finely chopped onion and peppers in them, neither of which DS2 likes.
Result : DS2 sits glumly and picks out every last piece of onion & pepper, and ends up leaving half his meal.

Just for the record, I don't like fussy kids as a rule, and my kids generally eat most things, it's just DS2 actively HATES onion and peppers. I won't pander to pickiness, but if I put onion in something I chop it big enough for DS2 to leave on the side, or I cook onions/peppers separately and add them after taking out a portion for DS2.

DH knows this, but does it anyway... his 'view' is that DS 'should' eat them.. WTF? Isn't this rather controlling and pathetic? DH doesn't like peaches, so I don't present them to him as an integral part of a meal.

There's other stuff too.. like the fact that DH always calls us to say it's 'on the table', but when you arrive in the kitchen, he hasn't started serving up, so it's all about CONTROL and having us there in advance

Don't know why, but tonight this has really made me think about his attitude and actions

I have experience of picky eaters, and would have to say that I can't be bothered adapting every meal for the fussy people.

I have a friend who hates onions. Cooking for her is a pain. Everything good has onions in it.

Your son is as well to get used to them. if he wants to sit and pick out every tiny morsel of it (as my dh did as a child) - then I'd say that was his own lookout.

Well, try serving him a peach based main meal. And as you know your son really does hate peppers and onions, as mine does, just make him some scrambled egg on toast.

Would you eat food you don't like pictish?

I always shout people in before I dish up too as usually they all faff about and it goes cold before they get there otherwise.

But these seem quite petty things to be irritated by. Are there other problems that are building up too?

I think very much worth exploring why he does this.

I'd completely agree that every individual is allowed not to like things. Children also have more sensitive palates than adults as they are more vulnerable to food poisoning, so e.g. children can often tell that milk is going off before adults can.

I had always considered myself to be a very non-fussy eater as a child. Looking back, I realise that my mother just never cooked the long list of stuff I hated I like almost all of it now.

Next time he says 'IT'S ON THE TABLE', why don't you call back 'BRILLIANT, WE'LL COME IN WHEN IT'S ON THE PLATES'. And amble through with big smiles when you're ready.

I call people to the table because I want everyone there when I am dishing up, so that they can make any preferences clear before I put it down, at which point I will want to throw it at them.

Does he always put finely chopped onion and pepper into what he's cooking, or does he just not take it out if what he planned to cook has it in? I think there is a distinction (although I also know that for my ds I'd be like you, OP, and be a bit flexible in order to ensure the meal got eaten).

With the 'it's on the table', why don't you deliberately wait for five mins before you arrive? Since it manifestly isn't on the table.

I would have to agree from what you've said there is an undercurrent of deliberately attempting to inconvenience you all and ds2 in particular.

Onions and peppers are nice. I think kids should be presented with variety of food, specially healthy ones constantly. If they don't want to eat is their choice. One day they might even try and change their mind.

On the basis of your op I'm not convinced this is pass-ag or controlling behaviour, but I would be having a calm "pick our battles" discussion with Dh when kids are in bed. It's not important enough that ds eats onions or peppers to create a Mexican stand off about it. As for the dishing up, I think he kind of has a point. I get pretty fucked off if I call that dinner is ready and then everyone starts cocking about going to thd loo, getting water etc. makes me feel like a servant tbh.

Onions is a difficult thing not to like, so am with your DH on that one, DS can pick'em out. The calling people to the table early could just be a throwback to his own upbringing, families have weird and different habits. Or maybe he was fed up with people dawdling or wants help with the final stages.

Omg, am sympathising with the man! Must be ill.

Does he do other stuff that you feel is controlling, or lots of seemingly little things?

I don't think you'd be posting about onions and peppers if it didn't come on the back of a whole raft of other issues. Is this just one example?

'onions and peppers are nice'

except in the case of people who, er, don't like them

or, actually, people who are allergic to them - i know two

there's allowing children to eat nothing but crisps all day every day, and there's allowing children to have individual preferences - the OP said that when she cooks with onion she leaves big bits in so they are easy to pick out; that's a solution

Are there other issues here? It doesn't seem a big deal to me. I always cook what I fancy and let people take it or leave it - I'm not running a restaurant. And not liking onions is really very limiting. I always say it's ready before it is because it takes people ages to come in, wash their hands and sit down and I get annoyed when the thing I've spent time making for everyone goes cold and and textures go all wrong because they can't be bothered to come when called. I also think if someone's cooked for you, you should be there to appreciate it, not wander in as if you're doing the cook a favour by turning up.

I don't hold with picky eating, and as I do all the cooking I think I should get to choose what I cook. But, I know that DS just does not like anything made of mince, he absolutely cannot bring himself to eat it, there are other things he doesn't really like but will eat anyway (so that he can have his pudding). I don't see the point of giving him mince when I know he won't eat it.

I do call people before the food is actually on the table, because it takes at least five minutes for everyone to come to the table and I don't like sitting there on my own looking at the food and waiting.

Hmm - I think we need more of the back story. It does sound like he's being a prat about this and yes, he should just cut them up 'chunky' so DS can take them out, but clearly it's about more than that :(

Yes hassled and meiji, must be more to this.....

Oh and yes - peaches for dinner everytime it's your turn to cook until he gets the point... git.

It doesn't matter how limiting not liking a particular food is, if you don't like it, you don't like it!

I don't disagree that there are other issues here probably, but why make a child miserable at mealtimes (and my mother did it often enough!) iust to make a point?

I call everyone in for food before its ready, I just know that they are slow movers

Yeah you need to make peach deserts and then tell him he SHOULD eat them.

Have to say I'm with your dh on this one. Onions aren't an optional extra (like peaches) they're something you need to get used to because they're in just about everything. Keep on presenting the food as normal and eventually your ds will accept them unlike mine.
My technique instead of leaving big pieces which can be picked out is to chuck the onion in the food processor and pulp it. it still tastes oniony when fried but is invisible so fuss pots don't know they're eating it.

Well with the onions & peppers-maybe OPs husband chops them finely in the hope that they´ll get eaten as they´re all mixed in with other things?

Also can´t see a problem with calling people before it´s on the table.

Although I usually start to serve up as soon as I call.

Look - I don't make a point of giving anyone food they don't like ok?
However, if I am making something that contains something they don't like as intrinsic part of the recipe - such as onions and peppers in fajitas, then they can like it or lump it.
As I said, I'm not going to not cook recipes that I want to eat and enjoy, just to suit someone else.
If you're a fussy eater you have to suck that up. Sometimes it goes your way, sometimes it doesn't.

Well, that only works if the texture of onion is a problem. If its the taste, pulping it won't help.

I was a ver fussy eater, and it's not worth forcing an issue too hard.

I think your husband is trying to get out of cooking.