DH deliberately cooks food DS2 doesn't like....

[Cornflakemum]

I'd like some perspective on this...

Every so often I feel that DH does stuff that I find sort of passive-aggressive... as if he's 'asserting his authority'..

Tonight is a case in point. His turn to cook dinner (he works from home, so we take turns).
Kids have packed lunches, so I like to make sure they have a 'proper' meal at teatime.

DH makes Fajita chicken wraps. No problem there, except that he puts finely chopped onion and peppers in them, neither of which DS2 likes.
Result : DS2 sits glumly and picks out every last piece of onion & pepper, and ends up leaving half his meal.

Just for the record, I don't like fussy kids as a rule, and my kids generally eat most things, it's just DS2 actively HATES onion and peppers. I won't pander to pickiness, but if I put onion in something I chop it big enough for DS2 to leave on the side, or I cook onions/peppers separately and add them after taking out a portion for DS2.

DH knows this, but does it anyway... his 'view' is that DS 'should' eat them.. WTF? Isn't this rather controlling and pathetic? DH doesn't like peaches, so I don't present them to him as an integral part of a meal.

There's other stuff too.. like the fact that DH always calls us to say it's 'on the table', but when you arrive in the kitchen, he hasn't started serving up, so it's all about CONTROL and having us there in advance

Don't know why, but tonight this has really made me think about his attitude and actions

X-post

I think it's normal to offer a parent the front seat, whoever is the passenger moves to the back.

Dishwasher, sorry I fail to see the problem

Is it maybe you who wants to be in control and gets upset if it's done differently ?

these all seem minor and just a different way of doing things.

i never dish up - we serve at the table. I sometimes try to get onion past ds by finely chopping it. I try to use things that i know will fit in the dishwasher (but i wouldn't expect someone else to hand wash if they didn't so YANBU there). When we have a parent in the car they always sit in the front - i think it is more comfortable to get in and out for them.

it sounds like he is getting on your nerves - but I don't think he sounds controlling. I wonder what his side of the story would be?

I think you need to step back from the situation and have a good hard think about what you think you should be getting out of the relationship and what you actually are

I don't see any problems. I think it normal to offer an older person the front seat and I take the view ' if itvwon't go in the dish washer -I don't want it'!

I don't hand wash anything either if I can help it! If it won't fit in, then it waits till the next load. Too right!
AND I call everyone to the table as I am plating up - it's to stop the food going cold.

I think you would not like to be married to me and my brutish ways OP.

The washing up thing I can see is bloody annoying. The small cutting up of onions thing is petty and mean. He does seem to be the sort of person where it's all about him, never about anyone else - it's about what he thinks should happen, how he thinks things should be.

But none of the examples on their own fall into Leave The Bastard territory - I think the root of the problem is that you just don't like him very much, and that's what you're maybe struggling to admit to yourself. How long have you felt like this?

And yes....it's courtesy to allow older people the front seat, as it is more comfortable and easier to get in and out of.

None of this is any reason to question why you are in a relationship with him
...... So now tell us what you're not telling us

We all have minor irritations. There must be something bigger behind it.

I am a bit shocked that some people think a child should be forced to eat onions.

As someone else pointed out, children have more sensitive taste buds then adults and ther are good reasons for that - they are programmed to look out for things that may be off or poisonous. My dd used to hate onions. Now she is getting to a stage where she doesn't mind them in small amounts.
I hate the way some people think it's ok to treat children in a way they would never treat a grown up.

" God - he sounds like a right arse, doesn't he? Why am I still with him?"

Err....no, he doesn't. He sounds like he would like to avoid the texture which his son doesn't like, and has respect for his parents.

Who thinks children should be forced to eat onions?

They can leave them. It is their problem- I cook the meal the rest is up to them, if they want to take them out they can.

I was the master of disguise - any veg they didn't like was chopped so small they couldn't see it!

Ditto.

They can eat it, not eat it, or painstakingly pick all the bits out. The fruit bowl is free here.

It took me a while to work it out, but there is no need to take on other people's problems- give ownership to the proper person. They don't want to eat onions - they pick them out.

These are quite the most trivial problems I've ever read on the relationship board. Passive-aggressive? He's an arse and you should leave? The idea that presenting a 9 year old (not a toddler, or a pre-verbal child) with onion is controlling is actually quite funny, especially as at nine, he's perfectly capable of saying 'dad, I hate this' and going and making a piece of toast.

There's something going on you aint telling us. Or you are unreasonably irritated by very minor domestic differences. I don't know which it is.

Your bloke doesn't sound that bad from your OP. Your ds won't die from malnutrition just because he picks peppers out of his fajitas - it might simply show him that he has to suck up stuff in life he doesn't like. Until you go making fajitas for him sans 50% of the recipe, which isnt a great idea either.

None of the reasons you've given sound very major really. It does seem as if you don't actually like your husband very much and are projecting that onto every niggly thing he does (which we all have.)

I wouldn't finely chop up food so ds would eat it and get tummy trouble.

I wouldn't like someone to finely chop up olives in my food. It's underhand and nasty.

Or it might be 'following a recipe' Iggly?

I bloody hate raw onions.
I will eat then now, grudgingly.

Exotic - totally.

My brother actually thanked my mother for always giving him onions- he loved them now!

Iggly - chopping food finely is nasty? Are you serious?

I mean chopping it up so it's hidden. On the one hand people are saying they can pick them out but on the other theyre saying chop finely - which makes it damn hard to pick out.

My ds is going through a fussy phase after eating almost everything before. I don't try and hide or finely chop stuff though - I keep serving up what he doesn't like and if he rejects it, fine but that's all he has.