DH just told me

[alittlesad]

(namechaged as I know some people irl on here) he doesn't know if he's in love with me anymore. I don't know what to do, he and my kids (5&£3) are my world. He says he needs time to sort his head, and wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't have pushed him. (he's been very distant lately and not been himself) I was convinced he was ill or having an affair, which he assures me he is not. Should I carry on as normal, till he decides what he wants?

it is quite likely he needs the "time" and "space" to see how things work out with his other interests, the ones that make him re-write history and conclude he "loves you but isn't in love with you"

ok, fair enough, OP

come back when you are ready

look after your own self x

sorry - anyfucker is spot on

I'm sorry it's not helping OP. you need to talk to him and find out what he means exactly. You'll know from his responses. Take care.

Have any behaviours been different recently? Distant? Secretive?

It's usually an affair ime.

He's fucking someone.

'I'm not in love with you' means 'I care about you vaguely, but there is this hot twat person that makes ME feel so good, alive - therefore, it must be love. And that is all I can think about and focus on [the not being himself/distant]. But don't go anywhere, because you have your uses as my housekeeper and the childcare of my children. Just go about your day, leave me alone and don't want anything'.

That is what that means. He is having an affair. Sorry, but I wish someone had been as blunt with me instead of kind little hints that didn't even begin to penetrate my shock and disbelief, which you are having now.

Please please please throw him out. But not in a horrible way, just smile sweetly and give him his freedom to choose. And most important of all, burst the bubble of that fantasy that is making HIM feel so good (it isn't love, promise). Cherchez la femme.

And this comment? "So are you still do cook, clean and domestically service him while he does his dipwicking thinking?"

Is why you must require that he leave the family. Having a third person is NOT compatible with marriage, so he must forfeit that marriage whilst he 'thinks'. Please withdraw the things he is taking for COMPLETE granted.

She is out there you know. Finding her will burst your disbelief, and his lovely fantasy.

AF while I agree that this does sound fishy, sometimes, just sometimes, it would be great if you could express your fury and contempt in a little less strident and brutal way when an op is so obviously in distress. I'm not sure clattering everyone around the head with the strength of your opinion and fury is always helpful at times like this

OP I hope you're ok and haven't been scared off

Needing time to sort his head out, does imply that his primary concern is not working things out with you. You should probably be prepared for him to leave.

sweety,you have the leave the b...... brigade here as I think you realise.
maybe just put your arm around him for now.He may open up now,he may not.,.A lady is on here and needs to be carefully listened to.

I agree with curryspice, it's not a very tactful way in which to discuss people's most intimate relationships and lives.

Not the "I'm not in love with you script" - if I had a pound for every time I heard this on here and it turned out to be an affair (my H included), I would be pretty rich and I have only been a MNetter for a year!!

Sorry, but he has checked out of the marriage and his emotions are engaged elsewhere. He wants you to be his housekeeper, nanny, cook etc though hence the reason why he has not left you yet.

Has he been distant? is he protective of his phone? has he been critical of you recently?

I would do some snooping - mobile, laptop, emails, internet history, deleted folders etc.

The sooner you know what is really happening, the better.

I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little...

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little...

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little...

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The Freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

The Wisdom of The Beautiful South. It's all in there.

I feel awful for OP, but as usual I agree with AF (and also hope very much that I never have cause to be on the receiving end of her straight talking)

curry see the others on this thread ?

address them personally too, do us both a favour

When I started typing, no, I hadn't seen anyone be quite as brutal as you. I hope the op comes back

Curry, I and AF have crossed swords in the past, but I am not too sure this time that she has done anything offensive. Don't you think I was more blunt than that?

I was that blunt for a reason. And that reason is, when I asked him if he was having an affair, I believed him.

So for two years I cooked, cleaned and domestically serviced him [whilst being treated VERY cruelly] for two years, whilst he thoroughly explored OW did his thinking.

That was MY stupidity, my belief and trust that he would never do that, and it hurt me more than anything I can say. IF I had thrown him out, I could have saved myself some deep traumas and permanent scars. But I didn't throw him out, I believed his lie that he didn't love me anymore because I was a bad wife and he was depressed.

How I wish Any Fucker had been around to give it to me straight. In a way I couldn't deny and couldn't avoid. Hell, I could have gone back to university at a time there was funding in the time he ripped my heart out with a spoon and killed his children's sense of safety with his self-absorbed self-pitying selfishness...

AF, that song represents one perspective. I'm not saying you're not going to be proven correct, just that sometimes people need tact.

Eclectic, you give your perspective, I'll give mine

it's how MN works

You can't colour every situation with your own experiences, especially based on a post on here. Two sides... Benefit of doubt... With
more evidence, sure. I've seen a few OPs not come back recently, which is a shame as there is some good support on mn.

Giving perspectives is fine, being dogmatic isn't IMO.

Abit, yes you were blunt too. And I would say to you that I don't think just blasting both barrels at this op was helpful. As for c&p-ing song lyrics. My eyes have rolled out of my head tbh

Like I say, the op has disappeared now. I hope she's ok and comes back because she, after all, is the most important person on this thread

Anyway, back to the matter in hand...

Could you give him a bit of space for a day or two.Even go away for a couple of days yourself.

Anyway, sorry for detracting from OP, although not sure she will be back.

get off my back, ES

it's posters like you who jump on people giving their opinion (which was asked for, by the OP, or else why would she be here at all?) and starting bunfights that drive posters away

stop goading other posters whose opinion you don't agree with

Abitwobblynow...it's like looking in the mirror reading that - wowser! Apparently, quite a common story. OP, I truly hope things are different for you x