Due to give birth, huge row, Dp not interested in me or baby now

[pregnantandpooped]

This has been a difficult pregnancy for me, i've been sick constantly and am knackered. The baby is due in the next 2 weeks, but is lying wrong, causing me extreme discomfort on top of SPD.

Me and DP had a huge row yesterday. I was in the right to be annoyed, but, as is my way, i lost my temper and went to far, and had a go over his dd (my 15 year old sd) who has given us grief for months.

It started over dog sick. My dog was badly sick on the kitchen floor, which is unusual. SDs dog regularly has the runs all over the kitchen, which i clean up. DP said he didnt do sick, and i would have to do it. Fair enough, but at the moment, i cant get down to do stuff like that without A LOT of pain and my pelvis locking up. It isnt quick or easy, so i asked him to do it, and if needed get SD to help as i have cleaned up her dogs mess often enough. SD announced "forget it, im not doing it" and her and DP went off, just leaving me with it!!

I was mighty pissed off, and sent a text saying so, and that between them they could have managed to do that one thing for me. I got back that i should stop whining, SD (15) is a child and we have different expectations of children. I asked if SD ranked above me then, and if it was easier to see me in pain doing something than to get her to help? DP replied "just fuck off and shut up"

I went and spoke to him later, and yes i did lose my temper, and was not highly complimentary about SD, who has caused huge problems lately. I feel like she rates above me all the time, and it all revolves around her. SHe lives here 60/40 and has not once helped me, to the point last week she laid on the settee and watched me drag 15 bags of food shopping in, without even helping or offering.
No, i should not have gone off about her, but there is a point past which i wont be pushed, and being left by two able adults to do something i have told them i cant do without great pain, is too far. He, however, was a shit to me, and told me i could have the baby in the street like the screaming council house dweller i am.

Dp now not speaking to me. I need to see the MW again today, as i think the baby is on a nerve or something. Either way im in pain, and possibly having mild contractions.

I told DP i needed to see her. He shrugged. I asked if he wanted to know why, he said, no, because at the moment i am angry at you, and the baby is part of you and therefore i cant seperate it from you!!

This isnt the first time he has "checked out" from the baby. In fact, all through this pregnancy he has done it when i have upset him.

Ive told him today that we are about to become parents together (we have seperate children) and that he cant just refuse to take any interest or show any concern because he isnt speaking to me! As far as im concerned, it makes him just as bad as he claims i am. I also asked him what kind of man doesnt ask why someone needs to see the midwife? He replied, im just not interested, im not speaking to you, and the baby is you.

He has basically told me he's had enough of me and my being a dick head, and he'll behave how he wants about the baby, and if i end up in labour early, or giving birth on my own then thats my fault for my carry on. I was being calm and trying to talk reasonably, but i just got swearing and shouting, until he just walked away.

Now im stuck at home and dont know what to do. I have my 6 year old to get from school, and then him and SD will be home later. I will then have an evening of him being super nice to everyone whilst making it clear he is ignoring me.

HE often does this, even over rows that i dont always think are solely down to me, until i apologise or he gets fed up or whatever. Until then, at 38 weeks pregnant i will cease to exist until he decides to speak.

I have a hospital bag packed and a nursery all done and i have no idea if we are together or what.

I cant stay anywhere else as i would have to take dd, and im too close to having the baby to put that on someone, and my mum is about 200 miles away.

Dp normally a good partner, but he does this when he see's me as being unreasonable. I was OTT with what i said, but i get pushed to a fucking point in this house where im sick of everyone assuming i can still cook, clean, shop and wash (whilst still doing my part time job) despite the trouble im having, and it tends to come to a head in an explosion. The dog sick was that explosion.

Don't you do anything! Feet up, with your tea, biccies and book/internet.

You really need to be resting and just concentrating on your and your two children for at least the next two weeks.

Perhaps a month when the baby is here.

If you need to do your own/DDs stuff do so. One supposed and one near adult can cope.

Mess won't hurt anyone.

OP this man should be waiting on you hand and foot right now. You are about to do the most amazing thing any human can do. Don't forget that or let him badger you or bully you into admitting you're being unreasonable. You don't need him in your or your children's lives. Leave him with his toxic daughter and make yourself a great life.

This reminds me of rows I have had with my DH. Both furious and both blaming the other - and both partly to blame.

I think maybe your DP is totally pissed off with his DD but, as you can't trade them in, he is stuck with her and has to attempt to make the best of it. And he is taking some of his frustration out on you.

They should have cleaned up dogsick but have to say that I would have had to get in a pretty severe strop to persuade my DCs to clear up MY dog's sick, pregnant or not. In fact they would have probably done it...............very badly.

Think that throwing the bag of clothes across the room was a deliberate wind up to get back at you ie to make you angry because of things you might have said earlier when you shouted at him.

I would suggest you tell DH that you want to have a real heart to heart talk (not row) about your relationship and what is going wrong. So you and DH must get away from DCs, even if it's just sitting in the front seats of the car, but better if it is in a cafe or bar (so that you can't shout at each other) and you can raise all the issues that are winding you up just now and he can talk about anything he feels he needs to. And hopefully resolve some of the issues without anyone in particular losing face. There could be underlying problems that are niggling away at either of you which the other might not even be aware of. Arrange the discussion for a few days time so you both have time to think about what you want to say - hopefully new baby won't intervene! Or that is what I would do.

Have you read the rest of the thread, Josie? You might want to, if not.

P&P - glad you are ok. Re. writing a letter to your P, I think it's a great idea - but then burn it, don't give it to him. That way you get out a lot of what you need to say but he doesn't get to throw it back in your face.
Just recently there was a poster on here who wrote a heartfelt letter to her P and then found it torn up in the bin. What a slap in the face for her! I think if you give him a letter just now, that's quite likely to be what will happen - after he has shown it to his D and they've both had a good snigger over it of course.
So, don't open yourself up to that extra bit of torture.

Josie, and if you were in complete agony, exhausted, about to give birth and suffered from one, your dh would certainly have allowed your sdd to treat you like shit, and would have left you to clean up shit and sick from you're he floor, and of course your dh would have allowed his dd to talk to you like you were shit on your shoe, and also he would expect to clean up after her (she's only 15 and can't possibly do it herself) and he would expect you to treat him like visiting royalty, while he could barely be bothered to speak to you?

And after being grated like that, you'd be quite happy to have a 'real heart to heart talk with him' as of course you've wound him up? How far do you go to appease your dh when he behaves like a shit faced wanker?

Read the thread.

I think headphones are the answer when it comes to drowning the sound effects of forced laughter.

I would love the OP to just go missing from home. I know she can't because of her other child, but if her husband came home with his spoilt child and found she wasn't there, they'd have a great laugh and bitch but you know then he'd start to panic. He could never tell people that he wasn't there at the birth of his new child. He'd want to tell the story about how he was the hero.

I'd love it if he had to ring the hospital and then the police. He'd have to admit that he hadn't spoken to her for weeks and hadn't contacted her by phone.

OP, please do it. Do it for me!

Some of the responses sound like what you'd get a school from a group of stroppy teenagers. 'OP should go missing from home' WTF move into a home for battered wives or something. Leaving the house and money and her dd to her DP?
'after he has shown it to his D and they've both had a good snigger over it of course.' WTF does a bit of sniggering amount to when you are about to have a baby with, if everyone here has there way, no home, no income, no DP and possibly or possibly not a DD.
OP said No, i should not have gone off about her, well, no. OP shouldn't have gone on about her SD. Where are all the posters who go on about 'my NP must treat my SDCs like his own' etc etc.
If this is a long term thing from DP then OP needs to think about moving on but when about to give birth is not that time.
What is happening to poor DD when all this shouting is going on. Seems like OP and DP come first in this scenario. Not in my books.
Stroppy 15 year old won't help in the house - well that is unheard of. Call the police, SS or whoever, something must be done , NOT. OP has always done everything then gets angry when others don't offer, sorry but that is partly her fault.
Some people are heavy, hot and uncomfortable when preggers, others float around saying how wonderful it will be when baby arrives. I have alot of sympathy for OP but you can't expect people who haven't been preggers to empathise, especially if you have been shouting at them.

Ah you really haven't got a clue there, have you Josie. Never mind.

anybody who sees fit to ever snigger about me would no longer be my partner

it really is as simple as that

this bloke can't be expected to empathise ?

what is he, a robot ? a 3yo child ?

so when OP is half-dead with exhaustion, trying to bf, in the throes of baby blues (or worse) he can treat her like shit then too, can he ?

and snigger about her distress, that would all be excusable in some people's world

not mine, and I wouldn't recommend it in anyone else's, nor would I tell someone they should suck it up for the sake of harmony

I am worried the OP hasn't confided in her mw yet. They have training in domestic abuse situations as it's sadly not uncommon.

Quotes from op
Me and DP had a huge row yesterday. I was in the right to be annoyed, but, as is my way, i lost my temper and went to far
I went and spoke to him later, and yes i did lose my temper, and was not highly complimentary about SD
In fact, all through this pregnancy he has done it when i have upset him.
I was being calm and trying to talk reasonably, but i just got swearing and shouting, until he just walked away
even over rows that i dont always think are solely down to me
Dp normally a good partner, but he does this when he see's me as being unreasonable

There are equally critical ones of DP. So looks like there are faults on both sides.

josie the OP is clearly in an unhappy relationship, there is a lot more going on than just 'teenage strops' from her SD. In one of the 'examples' you have just posted it was the OPs partner who was swearing and shouting not the OP. May I suggest you stop now before the OPs much needed support thread gets derailed.

OP I hope you are OK and getting some RL support now xx

josie, you could alternatively view this as an abused woman who, having been told she is wrong/unreasonable/to blame for everything that happens, has internalised those thoughts and accepted the blame for an unhappy row. Cos thats the way I read it - she is an exhausted, emotionally abused, heavily pg woman.

Exactly, Hatti and strawberry.

Cos thats the way I read it - she is an exhausted, emotionally abused, heavily pg woman.
Yes that could be the situation. If she is in an abusive relationship she should start looking for a way out of it.
On the strength of the OP that is one of the possibilities. But couples have rows and don't speak to each other at times in their relationships, in fact I would think it is the norm, that is another possibility.

josie I don't want to enter into an argument with you so this is the last thing I'm going to say in reply to you. Yes couples have arguements/disagreements sometimes but not talking to your partner for days afterwards is NOT normal!

Knowing that your heavily pg wife is in extreme pain, cannot get down to floor level easily or quickly and doing so will cause her more pain, you think it's OK to make her do it anyway, because you can't be bothered and your stroppy out of control and fantastically rude dd certainly shouldn't have to, then, Josie?

P&P, how are you today?

i was under the impression that the dog was sd's?

josie posts about how her dc's wouldnt mop up sick and poo if it was MY dog (her capital letters)

my dp and i have huge rows too, but he doesn't treat me with such hatred.

It doesn't really matter whose dog it is. The fact is that P&P shouldn't have been made to do it.

The least I would expect from either my spouse or my dd would be a bit of help, but in fact if I were in the op's position dh would have done it, and he's an bit of an emetophobe. He's cleaned up carsick and cat diarrhoea, and baby poo and baby sick too.

P&P, do you think your dh would do that once your baby is born, or would he simply not bother and leave it to you?

Do you think your sd might be a bit jealous of the new baby, once she has arrived?

I know you don't want to do anything drastic right now, but having a plan in place may not be a bad idea. Just in case.

jux i know it doesn't matter.

josie's post

"They should have cleaned up dogsick but have to say that I would have had to get in a pretty severe strop to persuade my DCs to clear up MY dog's sick, pregnant or not. In fact they would have probably done it...............very badly."

she has emphasised the MY, as if she is making it sound like it's not unreasonable to expect a dc to clear after someone elses dog.

it's the fecking sd's dog.

• not to expect

Sorry, yes, sassy.

How are things op?

Actually I think the dog who threw up was the OP's dog - she was saying that she spends loads of time clearing up the shit that SD's dog leaves all over the floor, so it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect the SD to return the favour when the OP's dog threw up. But apparently it was! And the OP clears all the SD's dog's hair up as well, because SD does (apparently) feck all in terms of clearing up after her own animal.