Due to give birth, huge row, Dp not interested in me or baby now

[pregnantandpooped]

This has been a difficult pregnancy for me, i've been sick constantly and am knackered. The baby is due in the next 2 weeks, but is lying wrong, causing me extreme discomfort on top of SPD.

Me and DP had a huge row yesterday. I was in the right to be annoyed, but, as is my way, i lost my temper and went to far, and had a go over his dd (my 15 year old sd) who has given us grief for months.

It started over dog sick. My dog was badly sick on the kitchen floor, which is unusual. SDs dog regularly has the runs all over the kitchen, which i clean up. DP said he didnt do sick, and i would have to do it. Fair enough, but at the moment, i cant get down to do stuff like that without A LOT of pain and my pelvis locking up. It isnt quick or easy, so i asked him to do it, and if needed get SD to help as i have cleaned up her dogs mess often enough. SD announced "forget it, im not doing it" and her and DP went off, just leaving me with it!!

I was mighty pissed off, and sent a text saying so, and that between them they could have managed to do that one thing for me. I got back that i should stop whining, SD (15) is a child and we have different expectations of children. I asked if SD ranked above me then, and if it was easier to see me in pain doing something than to get her to help? DP replied "just fuck off and shut up"

I went and spoke to him later, and yes i did lose my temper, and was not highly complimentary about SD, who has caused huge problems lately. I feel like she rates above me all the time, and it all revolves around her. SHe lives here 60/40 and has not once helped me, to the point last week she laid on the settee and watched me drag 15 bags of food shopping in, without even helping or offering.
No, i should not have gone off about her, but there is a point past which i wont be pushed, and being left by two able adults to do something i have told them i cant do without great pain, is too far. He, however, was a shit to me, and told me i could have the baby in the street like the screaming council house dweller i am.

Dp now not speaking to me. I need to see the MW again today, as i think the baby is on a nerve or something. Either way im in pain, and possibly having mild contractions.

I told DP i needed to see her. He shrugged. I asked if he wanted to know why, he said, no, because at the moment i am angry at you, and the baby is part of you and therefore i cant seperate it from you!!

This isnt the first time he has "checked out" from the baby. In fact, all through this pregnancy he has done it when i have upset him.

Ive told him today that we are about to become parents together (we have seperate children) and that he cant just refuse to take any interest or show any concern because he isnt speaking to me! As far as im concerned, it makes him just as bad as he claims i am. I also asked him what kind of man doesnt ask why someone needs to see the midwife? He replied, im just not interested, im not speaking to you, and the baby is you.

He has basically told me he's had enough of me and my being a dick head, and he'll behave how he wants about the baby, and if i end up in labour early, or giving birth on my own then thats my fault for my carry on. I was being calm and trying to talk reasonably, but i just got swearing and shouting, until he just walked away.

Now im stuck at home and dont know what to do. I have my 6 year old to get from school, and then him and SD will be home later. I will then have an evening of him being super nice to everyone whilst making it clear he is ignoring me.

HE often does this, even over rows that i dont always think are solely down to me, until i apologise or he gets fed up or whatever. Until then, at 38 weeks pregnant i will cease to exist until he decides to speak.

I have a hospital bag packed and a nursery all done and i have no idea if we are together or what.

I cant stay anywhere else as i would have to take dd, and im too close to having the baby to put that on someone, and my mum is about 200 miles away.

Dp normally a good partner, but he does this when he see's me as being unreasonable. I was OTT with what i said, but i get pushed to a fucking point in this house where im sick of everyone assuming i can still cook, clean, shop and wash (whilst still doing my part time job) despite the trouble im having, and it tends to come to a head in an explosion. The dog sick was that explosion.

Leaving an abusive relationship, because that is what this is, does not make you a failure. Trust me.

Let it ride this time. I do know how it feels when your relationship dissolves around you when you are due a baby. That was me six years ago.

But you must not let this fuckwit raise your children, or they will turn out as fucked up and nasty as your step daughter. You need to get out when you have the baby.

'your dp sounds abit selfish imo'

That's the understatement of the year; he sounds like a cnut! Get out op while you can. hugs.PContact women's aid and read 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft.

What time are they due in?

I want to add another or to his home coming.

They come in together smirk and say they ate out so dont want the food you would have wasted.time preparing.

Well, sounds absolutely awful and as for his daughter, it sounds as if there should be a picture of them on the Wiki page explaining the saying "The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree".

I'd say Leave The Bastard, but I know it's not always as simple as that :(

^ HE sounds absolutely awful.

Seeing as you are both prone to temper if you actually wrote down in a letter that you are so unhappy that you wonder if you have a future together, if you wrote down how sad tired and in pain you are, how uncertain you are of his feelings for you and your soon to be born child, to the extent that you are nervous about him coming home, how do you think he would react?

Because if it's with anything other than him being appalled at his own behaviour then that should leave you with a big question mark and some hard decisions.

You're not a failure OP. The bullying, abusive shit you live with is.

OP you sound lovely and caring and it is not surprising that you feel run down when you are 38 weeks pregnant with spd and living with a bully who seems to enjoy seeing you suffering :(

Get you dd and your dog and leave.

No one in a healthy relationship should be seriously worried about the mood their P is going to be when they come home.

Unless they have sent them a text to say they have just pranged the new merc.

Look at his daughter. This is how he is raising his child. This is how he is raising your daughter (but she is too young for it to show much). And this is how he will be raising your next child.

Look at your stepdaughter, and you will see your own children in the future, if he gets to raise them and influence them.

You could probably get yourself a hospital admission if necessary, as you sound completely done in, but could your family have your DD?

And more thing, further down the line, he will have manipulated three children against you in his weird and abusive little game plan. It will be 4 against 1.

You need to get out of this situation!

I am usually calm and don't scream at people. I can be head strong and lose my temper. But I don't insult people or scream at them.

Except ex...
Because his windups and general nastiness could be so that I felt like loosing my mind sometimes.

Sounds familiar?

Is it really you?

Oh god, this man is awful.

OP, in your position I would contact the midwife and say that you really need to get him to move out. This is such an abusive situation and your poor daughter must be feeling so dreadful. How hateful of them to include her in their vile circle as they ignore you. Do you realise the damage that's being done to her?

Have a look at this website which will show you what you are entitled to claim. You may find you wouldn't be as badly off as you think.

You would feel so much happier on your own, believe me. You will feel like you're on holiday.

When you see that look of dislike, you see his real feelings for you. When he ignores you, he knows you hurt. He enjoys hurting you. He is really, really awful and you can't possibly let him stay with your little girl, never mind you, any longer.

Where in the country are you OP?

Go to the me, tell her everything -don't minimise, be completely honest about how you're treated. Ask for her help. I had a fantastic mw who came round and spoke to dh - made it look like he was talking to both of us, but it was actually for dh's benefit. MW stressed over and over again how important it was that I didn't have to do the hoovering, change the bedclothes, etc etc etc. Pretty well everything was mentioned and stressed that DH would have to do these things, and I was not to be allowed to even try.

If your MW can't do it, get a gp appt and get gp to explain to your dh how much he (and his dd) are going to have to help.

If neither of those, then you could insist that you and dh go to Relate. He has to get his dd into doing chores, and there's no better way than by setting an example himself.

Meanwhile, my honest opinion is that you're stuck with a couple of lazy good for nothing's who are going to bleed you dry and then spit you out. Heaven knows what will happen to your dd and soon to be dd. personally, as soon as the baby is born, I would tell him to find somewhere else for him and his dd to live until he can learn to treat you all equally.

OK, I'm seriously pissed off with him on your behalf, so I might be being a bit strong.sorry.

No, you're not being too strong. That man is a disgrace and his daughter sounds awful. Yes, I know she's learned her lesson from him, but she's still horrible.

I agree talking to your MW could be a good idea, I'd bet good money you're not the first pregnant women she's come across in am insecure situation as the birth approaches. She may be able to provide practical help in one way or another, and could be a good ear to talk to hopefully.

You are not a failure. You are a mother. You are a good mother. You want the best for your dd and your new baby. You're trying your best.

However hard you try you cannot make this man a good dad. I'm sorry.

Unless you are completely estranged from your family they will not turn away a heavily pregnant woman with a small dd. Or a good friend or even a colleague. If someone I knew turned up on my doorstep in your position I would help them. I know lots of people that would too. Give someone a chance to help you.

You don't have to do it all on your own. Best wishes.

OP you sound lovely and reading this has made me so angry for you. I know you have a child already so you probably know this but as a mother of a 4m old, the most vulnerable time for me was as the mother of a newborn. I felt physically and emotionally so tired and in need of support. I took my frustrations out on poor DH occasionally (snapping at him when he'd done nothing to deserve it). I don't know how I would have coped with a partner who goes out of his way to be spiteful and isolate you - even from your own DD.

The stuff about making you have a wasted journey picking up his DD is so nasty - you should be resting and he should be cherishing you.

I don't care how you spoke to him, this is so massively, massively disproportional. It's deliberately cruel. It makes me so sad to think to think of you being with this cruel arsehole and I don't even know you. :( please do go to his mothers.

You need to plan on leaving, and when you are back on your feet after the baby, you need to leave.

Do not try to use the baby or your need for help to draw him closer to you as you are doing now.
He doesn't like you.

OP I hope you're ok!

My ExH used the same tactics with me, I remember him sulking through my 21st birthday, so don't be surprised if he sulks or doesn't turn up for the birth of your child. Trouble is, people like them miss out on so much and don't realise just how hurtful these things are AND they can't take it back..

It's emotional abuse, plain and simple!! He's also got you publically blaming yourself. You sound nervous about telling people in RL. To me that just shows that deep down you know it's not a normal relationship and that something is very wrong

When you go to your MW please ask her to help you figure out a way to get out.

Ask her for agencies and LA help you could have access to so that you can make an orderly plan and have people ready to help you. Do not waver.

This will not end well for you or for your children.

There are worse things than having your family look down their noses at you.

Could you really not go to your Mums?

It's the ideal time . . . half term, you are presumably on maternity leave. It would give you time to think. And there will be a hospital near your Mum! If you decided to stay up there you have a while to get back on your feet because you will have mat pay. DD would have to change school of course but that happens for other reasons too, it's not the end of the world. You could go tomorrow with all the baby stuff, send him a text: "As you are not interested in me or the baby, it's over. But not totally goodbye, the CSA will be in touch."

Alternatively, speak to your Midwife. As a lot of DV starts in pregnancy they are trained to watch out for it and give advice. Tell her how nasty he has got, what he has said about the baby, his throwing the baby bag about. Tell her you are scared and want to leave but don't know what to do. See what she says.

for you. He is an utter prick.