Due to give birth, huge row, Dp not interested in me or baby now

[pregnantandpooped]

This has been a difficult pregnancy for me, i've been sick constantly and am knackered. The baby is due in the next 2 weeks, but is lying wrong, causing me extreme discomfort on top of SPD.

Me and DP had a huge row yesterday. I was in the right to be annoyed, but, as is my way, i lost my temper and went to far, and had a go over his dd (my 15 year old sd) who has given us grief for months.

It started over dog sick. My dog was badly sick on the kitchen floor, which is unusual. SDs dog regularly has the runs all over the kitchen, which i clean up. DP said he didnt do sick, and i would have to do it. Fair enough, but at the moment, i cant get down to do stuff like that without A LOT of pain and my pelvis locking up. It isnt quick or easy, so i asked him to do it, and if needed get SD to help as i have cleaned up her dogs mess often enough. SD announced "forget it, im not doing it" and her and DP went off, just leaving me with it!!

I was mighty pissed off, and sent a text saying so, and that between them they could have managed to do that one thing for me. I got back that i should stop whining, SD (15) is a child and we have different expectations of children. I asked if SD ranked above me then, and if it was easier to see me in pain doing something than to get her to help? DP replied "just fuck off and shut up"

I went and spoke to him later, and yes i did lose my temper, and was not highly complimentary about SD, who has caused huge problems lately. I feel like she rates above me all the time, and it all revolves around her. SHe lives here 60/40 and has not once helped me, to the point last week she laid on the settee and watched me drag 15 bags of food shopping in, without even helping or offering.
No, i should not have gone off about her, but there is a point past which i wont be pushed, and being left by two able adults to do something i have told them i cant do without great pain, is too far. He, however, was a shit to me, and told me i could have the baby in the street like the screaming council house dweller i am.

Dp now not speaking to me. I need to see the MW again today, as i think the baby is on a nerve or something. Either way im in pain, and possibly having mild contractions.

I told DP i needed to see her. He shrugged. I asked if he wanted to know why, he said, no, because at the moment i am angry at you, and the baby is part of you and therefore i cant seperate it from you!!

This isnt the first time he has "checked out" from the baby. In fact, all through this pregnancy he has done it when i have upset him.

Ive told him today that we are about to become parents together (we have seperate children) and that he cant just refuse to take any interest or show any concern because he isnt speaking to me! As far as im concerned, it makes him just as bad as he claims i am. I also asked him what kind of man doesnt ask why someone needs to see the midwife? He replied, im just not interested, im not speaking to you, and the baby is you.

He has basically told me he's had enough of me and my being a dick head, and he'll behave how he wants about the baby, and if i end up in labour early, or giving birth on my own then thats my fault for my carry on. I was being calm and trying to talk reasonably, but i just got swearing and shouting, until he just walked away.

Now im stuck at home and dont know what to do. I have my 6 year old to get from school, and then him and SD will be home later. I will then have an evening of him being super nice to everyone whilst making it clear he is ignoring me.

HE often does this, even over rows that i dont always think are solely down to me, until i apologise or he gets fed up or whatever. Until then, at 38 weeks pregnant i will cease to exist until he decides to speak.

I have a hospital bag packed and a nursery all done and i have no idea if we are together or what.

I cant stay anywhere else as i would have to take dd, and im too close to having the baby to put that on someone, and my mum is about 200 miles away.

Dp normally a good partner, but he does this when he see's me as being unreasonable. I was OTT with what i said, but i get pushed to a fucking point in this house where im sick of everyone assuming i can still cook, clean, shop and wash (whilst still doing my part time job) despite the trouble im having, and it tends to come to a head in an explosion. The dog sick was that explosion.

Hope you're ok I feel worried about you :-(

Please let us know you're ok OP? And if you want where in the country you are? At least you could get practical support like someone to cook for you from here then - you need support at 38 weeks with SPD as well you need to be resting not cleaning (if you're nesting your level of strain should be restricted to folding baby clothes!).

I know you said you haven't posted about this before, but it really reminds me of the thread where the OP had to eat her dinner in the bedroom because the husband and SD encouraged the dog to eat her food. The way you're being treated is really appalling, please leave them for the sake of your daughter and new baby, if not your own.

Another one in the North West here. If you're nearby, PM me.

Hope you are ok, please think about your daughter and new baby if you don't see that you have been affected, do you want your children growing up and seeing this and believing this is an acceptable way to be treated, if your new baby is a big, do you want him treating his partner like you are being treated?!

How are you doing OP? Any sign of the baby coming??

FWIW, my DP can behave very similarly to yours - and did when I was pregnant too - both times. He used to storm out and disappear for hours. And he does the blanking thing too. One day I told him quite calmly, not in the middle of a row, that if he stormed out again I would get the locks changed and put his stuff out in the street. He hasn't done it since.

As long as your DP is not violent - or you are not afraid of him getting violent - I think you should just ignore both DP and SD for the time being - and focus on yourself and DD. Do something nice with your DD before the baby comes, even if it is just going to the park and try to forget about him. If you want to split up later, then you can do that. But there is no point you trying to get him to change his behaviour at the moment.

All best with the delivery...

hugs

It is a similar attitude, isn't it, illumine? The op is clearly just a skivvy to this man. While I feel sorry for his dd as she has been brought up to be a rude and lazy little cow (sorry) it will be a horrid shock for her when she gets into the real world. I wonder how she behaves in school?

PandP, I'm in the south west. Don't drive, but if you're near I'll try to help.

Should have said - Cambridge here - if it helps. We're living with family ourselves but can do practical things if you're nearby.

What will happen:...he will apologise, go some way to acknowledging he was being nreasonable, you will desperatley want to believe him as all you want is a happy family and then it will all start again except worse. By which time he will have parental responsibility and by the time you realise that it will never ever be ok, you will be stuck trying to protect your DD from being manipulated by him and witnessing his abuse of you for ever.

When my DS was 3 days old I went on a picnic with then P and his 9 yr old son and a couple of others. At the end of day I was told to get in his fg van and was screamed at all the way home that I was a fg c**t etc etc and that we would never see him again. This was all infront of my 3 day old baby whose expression I will never forget. Unfortunately he came back a week later :(. My crime was joking with SS that his his dad could make a sandwich as I was breastfeeding. It took another 2.5 years for me to finally get away from him. I so wish I'd left then.

This thread is heartbreaking

Please OP, you've had such good advice here.

Don't feel like a failure - feel strong and good about yourself that you do NOT have to put up with this shit. This is not how nice men behave and it is not your fault.

Sending you strength and hugs

Op My dh suffers from emetophobia (fear of being sick and or vomit) with Him it is the vomit.. Last week I went down with a violent sickness and diarrhoea bug He cleaned the bowl out for me he was breaking out in cold sweat and really was shaking from having to deal with it.

But he did it because at that moment in time my need was higher than His fear for Him.. He did it because he loves me..

Thats what your partner should have done..

No you should not have called his dd names However he should have cleaned up the sickness or got his dd to do so because at that moment in time YOUR need was the biggest.

That is what we do when we love people we put their needs above our owns when their needs are the most pressing.. It is why newly made parents stagger out of bed sleep deprived, it is why we clean up sick from our children

And why you sweep the hair away and hold the bowl when your partner is sick..

Love is not always pretty hearts in its truest of forms love can be ugly but within that ugliness shines a true diamond..

Dont settle for less than that

you dont ahve to be in fear of violence to justify y leaving someone.
he is tretaing you and dd badly. #that is enough.
when you there with newborn you will be even more vulnerable to emotional abuse

you would be better along with dd and newborn, or better with your fmaily /riends and loving support

'The thing with him throwing your bag really struck a chord with me. My abusive ex often used to throw my handbag out of the way or kick it about, I think he sort of saw it as being representative of me. Please try and sort something out so you can leave, you only get one life'

This is bothering me too, and I link it with him telling you he can't separate the baby from you. The baby bag is not just you. It's the baby. He is rejecting both of you and expressing violent anger towards both of you. He has a really fucked up relationship with his daughter, OP, and it will get in the way of a relationship with this baby and with you.

OP, you have to find a way to leave this man. He is not 'normal with a few hiccups or quirks'. He has massive psychological and personality problems.

Be a hero and save your children (and yourself).

Hello again!

Im still here, but the computer went wrong, then i just got kicked off after i did a nice long reply..............

Thankyou for all the replies. I am fine, the baby is still where it should be, DP still not speaking to me, but i have just avoided him to stop anymore rows.

I didn't cook any dinner, which led to an amusing 5 minutes of watching them looking in the oven and microwave for their dinner, followed by a more amusing watching them making their own dinner, which is easier said than done when you don't know where anything is, or whats in the freezer because you are used to the food fairy producing stuff.............

I then retreated to my room with a book, which was actually nice, because one of the plus points of being ignored is you don't have to listen to their conversation and no one wants anything from you, because then they would have to speak to you and they aren't. So i had peace, other than the tinkling sound of their happiness and laughter as they worked hard to show just how happy they are, and how much fun they are having. That won't last long, SD is due a tantrum over not getting her own way shortly i would imagine.

I was going to write him a letter, but right now im too tired and it would probably be ranty. Plus i need to decide in my own head how i am going to play this.

I have some money stashed, though not a lot. After problems with my DDS dad leaving i figured that i should always have a bit of cash for an emergency, but there isn't much. I certainly need the weekend to think things over, and as im not washing/cooking or cleaning for the forseeable future i should at least get a bit of a rest.

So for the moment its quiet here. If it will stay that way i have no idea.

Thanks for everyone being so concerned xx

Well done OP. You sound like you're handling things marvelously at the moment.

Smiled at your description of the two of them.

Excellent news OP, I'm glad to hear you're sounding so strong. I was concerned you'd gone into labour when there was no reply. Pretty astonishing that they expect a heavily pregnant woman that they're ignoring to cook for them. Just shows how inconsiderate, selfish and arrogant they are really.

Excellent news OP, I'm glad to hear you're sounding so strong. I was concerned you'd gone into labour when there was no reply. Pretty astonishing that they expect a heavily pregnant woman that they're ignoring to cook for them. Just shows how inconsiderate, selfish and arrogant they are really.

I hope they ended up with dog food on toast!

Glad you're ok op. Hope you get some rest :)

Nope a bizarre mix of chicken goujons, chicken kiev and bread. Had they ever opened the freezer before yesterday for anything other than ice lollies, they would have known where the oven chips were.

The mess here is driving me mad, but im damned if i will clean up. I've done nothing today, which is nice if only my head would turn off for a bit, but i do feel better than yesteday.

I tend to go off quite upset and panicky, and then a kind of calmness comes over me. Its just the bit between is emotionally rough.................

Dear preg,

Well yes, it's a bit of a bugger, isn't it, when you decide to send someone to Coventry and that then means that you can't ask the person being ignored whether there's any dinner and which basket of the freezer the fish fingers are in.

Don't be fooled by the laughter. you know it is false, and that there is no real happiness in your partner's relationship with his daughter. How can there be when between the two of them they are involved in a miserable and hateful conspiracy to cause you sadness. Feet up for the weekend at least, and if you can also keep your little daughter close and out of the reach of the Dynamic Duo, so much the better. Have a brew] and some thanks] from me. x x

That should of course be from me x x

You really deserve to be treated well, OP, and you should be being extra spoiled right now that you are so heavily pregnant! The image of you having to get down on your hands and knees to clear up dog sick when 38 weeks pregnant absolutely sickens and disgusts me. Personally I find this unbelievable. I reckon that bringing up your new baby alone would be MUCH easier than bringing the baby up with an abusive nasty bully who enjoys treating you badly, and a teenager from hell who treats you like crap, too. And God knows how this is affecting your other little one. I'd do anything you can to leave! You do deserve so much more.

And . I will get better at this lark soon, honest.

Where are you, OP, or would you rather not say?

I'm glad you've got some money saved.

Had you thought of arranging another birth partner? You've had a child before, you know how important feeling supported is. And, quite frankly, he doesn't deserve his place at the birth as the father, does he? What with seeing the baby as just part of the person he wants to hurt and all that...

I hope you're getting a clearer picture of things, I'd still suggest talking to his mum. Let's face it, she doesn't like him either, so presumably you would be able to get not only practical support, but perhaps the REAL low down on what you might expect from this 'man' long term. Mind you, I think everyone on here can imagine what that might be. Bugger all.