Due to give birth, huge row, Dp not interested in me or baby now

[pregnantandpooped]

This has been a difficult pregnancy for me, i've been sick constantly and am knackered. The baby is due in the next 2 weeks, but is lying wrong, causing me extreme discomfort on top of SPD.

Me and DP had a huge row yesterday. I was in the right to be annoyed, but, as is my way, i lost my temper and went to far, and had a go over his dd (my 15 year old sd) who has given us grief for months.

It started over dog sick. My dog was badly sick on the kitchen floor, which is unusual. SDs dog regularly has the runs all over the kitchen, which i clean up. DP said he didnt do sick, and i would have to do it. Fair enough, but at the moment, i cant get down to do stuff like that without A LOT of pain and my pelvis locking up. It isnt quick or easy, so i asked him to do it, and if needed get SD to help as i have cleaned up her dogs mess often enough. SD announced "forget it, im not doing it" and her and DP went off, just leaving me with it!!

I was mighty pissed off, and sent a text saying so, and that between them they could have managed to do that one thing for me. I got back that i should stop whining, SD (15) is a child and we have different expectations of children. I asked if SD ranked above me then, and if it was easier to see me in pain doing something than to get her to help? DP replied "just fuck off and shut up"

I went and spoke to him later, and yes i did lose my temper, and was not highly complimentary about SD, who has caused huge problems lately. I feel like she rates above me all the time, and it all revolves around her. SHe lives here 60/40 and has not once helped me, to the point last week she laid on the settee and watched me drag 15 bags of food shopping in, without even helping or offering.
No, i should not have gone off about her, but there is a point past which i wont be pushed, and being left by two able adults to do something i have told them i cant do without great pain, is too far. He, however, was a shit to me, and told me i could have the baby in the street like the screaming council house dweller i am.

Dp now not speaking to me. I need to see the MW again today, as i think the baby is on a nerve or something. Either way im in pain, and possibly having mild contractions.

I told DP i needed to see her. He shrugged. I asked if he wanted to know why, he said, no, because at the moment i am angry at you, and the baby is part of you and therefore i cant seperate it from you!!

This isnt the first time he has "checked out" from the baby. In fact, all through this pregnancy he has done it when i have upset him.

Ive told him today that we are about to become parents together (we have seperate children) and that he cant just refuse to take any interest or show any concern because he isnt speaking to me! As far as im concerned, it makes him just as bad as he claims i am. I also asked him what kind of man doesnt ask why someone needs to see the midwife? He replied, im just not interested, im not speaking to you, and the baby is you.

He has basically told me he's had enough of me and my being a dick head, and he'll behave how he wants about the baby, and if i end up in labour early, or giving birth on my own then thats my fault for my carry on. I was being calm and trying to talk reasonably, but i just got swearing and shouting, until he just walked away.

Now im stuck at home and dont know what to do. I have my 6 year old to get from school, and then him and SD will be home later. I will then have an evening of him being super nice to everyone whilst making it clear he is ignoring me.

HE often does this, even over rows that i dont always think are solely down to me, until i apologise or he gets fed up or whatever. Until then, at 38 weeks pregnant i will cease to exist until he decides to speak.

I have a hospital bag packed and a nursery all done and i have no idea if we are together or what.

I cant stay anywhere else as i would have to take dd, and im too close to having the baby to put that on someone, and my mum is about 200 miles away.

Dp normally a good partner, but he does this when he see's me as being unreasonable. I was OTT with what i said, but i get pushed to a fucking point in this house where im sick of everyone assuming i can still cook, clean, shop and wash (whilst still doing my part time job) despite the trouble im having, and it tends to come to a head in an explosion. The dog sick was that explosion.

she is 15 tho ?
why does she need picking up?

hurling things is violent behaviour - and there is a risk that you or your DD or baby will get in the way of one of his hurling episodes and a bag or object landing on a baby could be fatal

and it also says - watch out because it could be you .

stop doing things except for you an dd basic needs.

why you lugging shopping? either he and his dd does it or you order from devlivery company that bring it to your kitchen (ocado do)

Sweetheart, this mans a cunt. Take your daughter and go somewhere else. You would be better off labouring along than with a man who treats you worse than I treat my dog.

In fact, where in country are you?

We had a lot of trouble with SD a while ago, and she is quite off the rails and difficult, and it was felt that she should be picked up and brought home to prevent trouble on her way back. This suited SD fine, because she never wanted to get the bus, and believes we should all do stuff for her.

Needless to say, it ended up being me who gets her most days, so in an attempt to find a solution for the problems, i dropped myself into another job. He will have arranged her to get herself home as some form of punishment to me, a sort of "see how you can't be trusted" kind of thing.

SD will love it, because it means im in the shit and that gives her a chance to run around ignoring me and showing how she is most important her.

Happens every row.

"Who does that?"

A nasty abusive asshole who is trying to teach you a lesson.

He's taught you plenty already or you wouldn't even consider that you deserved this treatment.

Go out.

Go and put your daughters shoes on, leave the house, go to his mothers and tell her the whole story. Stay there the night. She sounds like a nice woman.

Or go and book into a cheap hotel.

Whatever you do, don't be there!

You're cooking the dinner right now, aren't you?

Alright OP. We've heard plenty about why you shouldn't be with this man child

Can you name even one reason why you should stay together, taking your dd and your new baby's lives into account as well?

You posted because things have come to a head. It's time to do something about it, and ideally before you've got a newborn to deal with as well.

Im not cooking! Im going to sort out dd, im not hungry, so i'll have something later.

I will also bet that when he see's no dinner he will either get a take away for him and SD or cook them something.

HE will not think to ask if i have had anything, as they cook the food i have bought and paid for this week.

Im going to stay upstairs with some tea and my laptop and the telly and just stay away from him.

I know his mum will help, and i may ring her tomorrow, but i don't want them feeling i run to them when we've had a row, although she did say last time, he could be very spiteful and would sulk and push a situation way beyond where it needs to be, so she knows what he's like.

I just don't want her having to intervene, as she is a nice decent woman, and she doesn't need all our shit dumped on her.

He is a cunt.

How do they treat your dd?

Out. Leave, get space, peace and freedom. Respect yourself and your children.

This man is awful.

How can you leave him, or at least get away for a while?

This treatment is appalling, even more so when you're about to give birth.

It wouldn't be dumping, it would be staging. You shouldn't go back you would be transitioning and going forward.

You wouldn't ever need to run to her again as your future can be happy secure and not need a bolt hole.

Get rid of him and his brat child, she is clearly learning how to be horrible from her dad

Please get rid of him.Thank god you are in time

OP, the more you write, the more scared for you I get. The red flags are coming thick and fast with every new post. Losing your temper and sometimes not dropping an issue when annoyed are perfetly normal human characteristics, and perfectly understandable when dealing with an abusive cunt like this, so stop beating yourelf up over that.

You know what two things stand out to me? The first, that his own mother thinks he's behaved appallingly towards you and would give you shelter over him. Think about that; how foul would your own child have to be before you'd favour someone over him?

The second is this new thing, that him and the SD have decided that you aren't fit to pick up your own DD. That is CHILLING. They seem to be a tag-team hell-bent on getting you so you can't be sure if black is black and white is white. This is where it starts, OP. First they make out you are too odd and emotional to look after your own child. Then, when you have the new baby, they will be telling you and others that you are too hormonal to do X or Y or to be right about anything or to feel upset over being treated like shit. I would bet every penny I own that they will try to convince you and everyone else that you have PND (which, tbf, would be a likely outcome dealing with a newborn and those two). They are working together to make you unsure that your behaviour and reactions are normal, and to feel guilty, bad, hysterical, over-reacting, insensitive, etc. This scares me, OP, why isn't it scaring you?

Please, will you tell the MW about how he's behaving? This is abuse and she will be trained to help pregnant women in abusive situations.

You are soon to have two DDs. Please, Please think about what growing up with a father (figure) like this will do to them. It will train them to grow up to be abuse victims. That is the harsh truth. They will grow up to be treated like shit and taken advantage of. You say you're not close to your own mother; did she make you feel like you're too bad-tempered, etc.? Why are you seeing his behaviour as something you can live with?

Once you are not working, he will have even more control over you, and he knows it. I bet he starts denying food to your older DD soon enough, ignoring her and acting like she doesn't exist. I bet he'll dictate everything you are 'allowed' to do and not do with the baby. I bet he'll take her off you when she's crying and not let you have her as punishment for some bullshit misdemeanour he magics out of thin air. I bet he'll tell you you're a terrible mother. I bet he'll tell friends, family and HCPs lies or twisted facts to mke them think you are a crap mother, not coping, even abusive to your child. And above all, I bet that everyday, he will make you come to believe him more and more. You wonder how he can treat his unborn child with such contempt? It's easy for him; other people aren't 'real' like him, only his needs truly exist and matter. And that of his daughter, who he seems very enmeshed with. I think he sees her as part of him and that's why she is in favour. He will never out you above her because to him, you and everyone else is beneath him. How do so many posters know what he is like and how he'll progress? Because it's like all abusers seem to work from a script.

I don't know what has happened to you in your past that makes you tolerate this, but you need to leave this abuser and his toxic bitch of a daughter. You know how she's just awful? She's her father's daughter. Please tell someone, please get out.

Sorry, if i posted wrong its SD im not getting from school, not my DD. I wouldn't let them pull a stunt like that.

DP very good with DD, she adores him, but i do notice that when not speaking to me my DD is included in their "circle of trust" which i think she finds hard, as she knows im not being spoken to, but that everyone is being nice to her and it throws her off balance a bit.

DP and SD become very buddy buddy, and SD will use the chance to get things she wouldn't normally get because she knows i have no sway when he's like this.

I may well speak to his mum tomorrow, i don't know if they are away for the weekend or not. She does get angry at him, because she knows how he can be, and see's him losing a good relationship with a nice (if shouty) woman and ending up as a weekend dad to a newborn baby.

I think she also understands how hard i find it with his Sd etc

What a shit this man is.....

He is goading and goading, behaving appallingly, and then when you finally explode, it is all your fault.

He is horrible. I am sorry, but he is. Can you manage on your own?

From now on, let his dd clean up after her own dog.

So your 6 year old daughter is being involved in bullying her own mother.

This situation is so, so damaging for her.

You need to get her away from this man.

OP, getting your DD to join in their 'circle' like that is emotional abuse, pure and simple. That's the kind of thing people have to have years of counselling for when they are adults.

OP, I am sorry but if you don't want BOTH your children screwed up by this particularly spiteful little shit, please make plans to leave.

He manipulates your daughter as well as his own - no surprises there. Your poor wee girl must feel terrible in those situations.

Get your children out of this mess.

I cant cut and post but what you have just said is yout own dd is being damaged in this vile disfinctional relationship.

just think on that.

What happens in a few years when you are completly cowed and he starts on her because she is not his and therefore deserves no better?

His relationship with his daughter is hugely dysfunctional and based on favouritism and power and is a huge warning sign

Jesus, you have to leave

I probably can manage alone, but not right now. I don't have the money, and if i was maybe 6 months pregnant it would be different, but the birth is really imminent.

I didn't really expect to find myself in a situation like this at this time in the pregnancy, theres so much to think about on top of hormones and tiredness.

Part of me wants to stay, because when he's good he's great, but then part wants to leave because i feel like the whipping boy more and more often here and i think i could wake up smiling everyday just knowing i didn't have to see my SD again, or clear up after her again, which makes me sound awful, but she is awful.

I do love him, when he is good. When he is like this i just look at him and see a different person to the one i know. He looks at me, but he doesn't see me or how much he's hurting me. He will go days without uttering a word to me (if i hadn't seen him today he would not have spoken one word to me today) which i can deal with, if it wasn't for the fact he is so good at making me feel i am not here either.

If i had cooked dinner (i haven't) he would either have just left it untouched, or eaten it without acknowledging that i was there/had cooked it. The basic manners such as "thankyou" go out the window. He will simply not utter a word to me or treat me with even basic respect.

I on the other hand attempt to remain civil, and i do not try to make the children take sides or gang up. He will give SD enough info on the row so she knows its all down to me again, and i suppose her loyalty is to him, and it puts me in a difficult situation where i wont do anything for her either.

They will come home together, and i can't say to SD, "heres dinner, but i haven't made you any DP because you are an utter cock" so i wont cook for her, and then i feel petty, like im taking our row out on her.

I don't want to put any of the children (no matter how much i dislike them) into a difficult position. My parents were like that, and our childhood was awful at times.