Due to give birth, huge row, Dp not interested in me or baby now

[pregnantandpooped]

This has been a difficult pregnancy for me, i've been sick constantly and am knackered. The baby is due in the next 2 weeks, but is lying wrong, causing me extreme discomfort on top of SPD.

Me and DP had a huge row yesterday. I was in the right to be annoyed, but, as is my way, i lost my temper and went to far, and had a go over his dd (my 15 year old sd) who has given us grief for months.

It started over dog sick. My dog was badly sick on the kitchen floor, which is unusual. SDs dog regularly has the runs all over the kitchen, which i clean up. DP said he didnt do sick, and i would have to do it. Fair enough, but at the moment, i cant get down to do stuff like that without A LOT of pain and my pelvis locking up. It isnt quick or easy, so i asked him to do it, and if needed get SD to help as i have cleaned up her dogs mess often enough. SD announced "forget it, im not doing it" and her and DP went off, just leaving me with it!!

I was mighty pissed off, and sent a text saying so, and that between them they could have managed to do that one thing for me. I got back that i should stop whining, SD (15) is a child and we have different expectations of children. I asked if SD ranked above me then, and if it was easier to see me in pain doing something than to get her to help? DP replied "just fuck off and shut up"

I went and spoke to him later, and yes i did lose my temper, and was not highly complimentary about SD, who has caused huge problems lately. I feel like she rates above me all the time, and it all revolves around her. SHe lives here 60/40 and has not once helped me, to the point last week she laid on the settee and watched me drag 15 bags of food shopping in, without even helping or offering.
No, i should not have gone off about her, but there is a point past which i wont be pushed, and being left by two able adults to do something i have told them i cant do without great pain, is too far. He, however, was a shit to me, and told me i could have the baby in the street like the screaming council house dweller i am.

Dp now not speaking to me. I need to see the MW again today, as i think the baby is on a nerve or something. Either way im in pain, and possibly having mild contractions.

I told DP i needed to see her. He shrugged. I asked if he wanted to know why, he said, no, because at the moment i am angry at you, and the baby is part of you and therefore i cant seperate it from you!!

This isnt the first time he has "checked out" from the baby. In fact, all through this pregnancy he has done it when i have upset him.

Ive told him today that we are about to become parents together (we have seperate children) and that he cant just refuse to take any interest or show any concern because he isnt speaking to me! As far as im concerned, it makes him just as bad as he claims i am. I also asked him what kind of man doesnt ask why someone needs to see the midwife? He replied, im just not interested, im not speaking to you, and the baby is you.

He has basically told me he's had enough of me and my being a dick head, and he'll behave how he wants about the baby, and if i end up in labour early, or giving birth on my own then thats my fault for my carry on. I was being calm and trying to talk reasonably, but i just got swearing and shouting, until he just walked away.

Now im stuck at home and dont know what to do. I have my 6 year old to get from school, and then him and SD will be home later. I will then have an evening of him being super nice to everyone whilst making it clear he is ignoring me.

HE often does this, even over rows that i dont always think are solely down to me, until i apologise or he gets fed up or whatever. Until then, at 38 weeks pregnant i will cease to exist until he decides to speak.

I have a hospital bag packed and a nursery all done and i have no idea if we are together or what.

I cant stay anywhere else as i would have to take dd, and im too close to having the baby to put that on someone, and my mum is about 200 miles away.

Dp normally a good partner, but he does this when he see's me as being unreasonable. I was OTT with what i said, but i get pushed to a fucking point in this house where im sick of everyone assuming i can still cook, clean, shop and wash (whilst still doing my part time job) despite the trouble im having, and it tends to come to a head in an explosion. The dog sick was that explosion.

Your instincts were spot on - a decent man who loved you would never expect a woman in late pregnancy to clean dog vomit off the floor because "he doesn't do sick".

Even without the SPD and the fact that doing that job would cause severe pain, a good man would have done it for you.

This man didn't. He walked out with his daughter and left you to it.

Everything else - verbal abuse, humiliation, kicking the hospital bag across the room, ignoring you - is of a piece with the start of this row.

He doesn't respect you, he doesn't treat you well, and he will browbeat you to keep you in line, being his domestic servant while he suits himself.

You should get away from him ASAP.

Your daughter should not have to grow up in an abusive household.

Thing is, i know what im like.

I'm not meek and mild, and when i go, by god do i go, and i know its not acceptable. I say stuff, and i get really angry, but it isn't every five minutes, things just come to a head, and eventually the pent up fury has to go somewhere, because no amount of nice talking gets me anywhere. I don't mean to yell, but i start off calmly and i'll be told how im feeling sorry for myself or SD is a teen and meant to be lazy, or its only 10 tonne of dogshit over the kitchen floor, or a load of dog hair needing hoovering because SD won't groom her dog or a minor thing because we've got no crockery because the dishwasher hasn't been stacked for 3 days and i need to be more mellow and less stressy and let things go and roll with things more.

I hear that everytime i complain, and it does my head in, and eventually a situation like yesterday comes up, when despite saying i couldn't do it easily everyone just fucked off and left me to it, because hey, she'll do it so why should anyone else.

And they were right, because i cant sit with a load of puke in the middle of the kitchen floor all day, so they knew i'd do it somehow.

Then im told how i started a row over a trivial thing like sick, but it wasnt the sick, it was that everyone just shrugged their shoulders and left me to it again.

I've said over and over how much im struggling and how tired i am, but its like no one hears me, and they all expect me to pull a bit more out the bag, because thats what i do. I always feel here it like "she'll do it..............eventually"

OP, I'm not meak nor mild either and am prone to gob off every now and again. But this man is nasty, and like me, you are not, so get that guilt right out of your head young lady.

"because no amount of nice talking gets me anywhere."
Like I said - he backs you into a corner to ensure you behave this way, allowing him to turn it around to be all your fault; and then you blame yourself and knuckle under to being a good little doormat again.

So - don't you think you need to come out of that corner and tell THEM to fuck off? Your SD has another home to go to, so it's only the manipulative bastard of an adult who will be held to account for his appalling behaviour.

Yup, get away. He's a stupid, selfish, nasty-minded, immature little dick who is bringing his poor daughter up to be exactly the same kind of thoroughly dislikeable person. So that's presumably how he'll lead by example with your own child, too.

You have to think very long term. A man that can act like this - put his own childish little temper tantrum above caring for his nearest and dearest at a really important time - really, REALLY isn't someone you want to parent with. This is how your life will be, give or take when Sulky Pants is in a good mood - this is how your new baby will see relationships working.

If I were you I would indeed go to his parents. They sound decent, and they are part of your family now - your baby's grandparents. No, you don't want to run to them every five minutes - but you aren't, this is a crisis point. Incidentally I would think that they sound very aware of how their nasty little son actually can be and I'm sure they would be pleased in a sense that you feel you can come to them, and that were you to split, they would continue to have a relationship with you.

I would go to them now if only to have some decent company right now, and to decide what to do. Do you own your home together? Do you have anyone else who can be your birth partner? Do you have anyone you could stay with short-term?

SD is following his lead...you are considered below them, fit for clearing up sick and shit....not worthy of consideration. And this is while you are carrying his child. When you should be cherished and loved more than ever.

He isn't a good man. He won't magically become one.

It will be even harder when your baby arrives. You will eventually reach the point of being forced to face this.

But it doesn't have to be like that. You can take control now. All the things inhibiting you from doing so, like school and where to go, are not real obstacles. They can be worked around and they will fall into place.

You have to be brave.

Your last post makes me feel sick.

Whatever you do, get this pair of nasty entitled little freeloaders out of your face and give them the shock of their lives when you turn round and say 'do you know what? No, I'm not doing it - and neither am I wasting any more of my time doing anything else for either of you.'

Oh and yes please forget the guilt!

I can tell you, if they'd flounced out of my kitchen leaving me to clean up dog sick at 38 weeks pregnant, they'd come back to find the sick in their beds and me having cleaned out the joint account and taken off to a hotel. Probably with one snipped half of both of their favourite items of clothing in my bag.

Meek & mild is another way of describing put up, shut up and be the domestic slave.

I would bet you that 100% you would find if you were in a relationship where your P pulled his weight and looked after you that you didn't get really angry.

You only blow after bottling loads and loads. If there was nothing to bottle because you were being treated fairly there would be nothing to blow. Please stop blaming yourself that is his opinion that you are starting rows over tirivial things.

"I'm not meek and mild, and when i go, by god do i go, and i know its not acceptable."

It is acceptable to get angry and push back when somebody is bullying you.

You are under no obligation to be meek and mild. Getting pissed off by shitty behaviour doesn't automatically put you in the wrong.

I just want to cry. I dont know what to do anymore.

One dd of my own, one on the way and im stressing over whether i'll make things worse if i don't cook any dinner. I know people are right, and this isn't the first time i've looked at my life and thought "for fucks sake" but then we go weeks and weeks with nothing and its a pretty happy loving relationship and everything is rosy. Then the shit hits the fan, and its always started by me, or at least is turned around to be started by me and i start to question things.

Two days ago he was telling me how excited he was over the baby. Today he can't separate the baby from me, and he isn't speaking to me.

At this rate, this baby is going to come out a total mess.

He sounds like a cunt and he is allowing his DD to behave like a cunt to you as well. That is not a good relationship. He has no respect for you, she has no respect for you and they, between them, are diminishing what respect you have for yourself.

Do you honestly think this is going to get any better? I can pretty much guarantee it won't.

TBH, I'd be having a very strong word with myself in your shoes - do you really want either of them around when you're having a bad day with the new baby when it arrives?
But when it does, just do what you need to do for yourself, your DD and the baby. They can look after themselves. And if they can't, then bloody tough shit!

And if the SDD's dog can't control its bowels then lock it out the house!! Or in her room. (Yes I know, cruelty to animals, not the dog's fault - but neither is it the OP's fault and she's the one having to deal with it).

No, OP it definitely is NOT started by you.

Take you and your DD to a resturant, have a nice quiet meal out and enjoy your daughter, then go home, run a bath sit and read a book then grab an early night.

Your DH and SD are both more than capable of sorting out their own dinner for once.

You need to look after yourself and your baby right now, and stressing over wether to cook them dinner or not is a good way of relaxing and looking after yourself.

'Two days ago he was telling me how excited he was over the baby. Today he can't separate the baby from me, and he isn't speaking to me.'

Exactly. This is the kind of immature, STUPID, childish person he is. Nothing to respect there, is there? Yes, I'm sure all is rosy when he's in a good mood. Bit like a toddler.

I don't expect you will be able to continue to 'love' this person for very much longer, because where there is no respect possible, neither is there very strong love. Ever.

The more stressful and commitment-heavy your lives together become, the more you will see how this person is a broken branch, a flake, a twat to live with and a person of no real quality. Only ok when entertained/mollycoddled/never challenged/never asked to step up.

No worth at all.

I'm sure leaving would be hell, but it would be better than struggling through a rollercoaster of another X years nursing this fool along the path whilst trying to properly parent your children and undo the damage he will wreak.

The first step is to sit back and think, properly, long term - if you can do that at his parents, or at least get a break, then I would go.

I know it is very easy for us to say what we are saying. None of us know him or see any good points he may have.

Everyone of us is saying the same thing though.

I hope you get some peace /hugs

Any decent person would not treat their partner like this .. Especially being their pregnant partner !!

Tell him to sort his act out or move out !! ( him not you! )

This man is a grade A asshole and you, your DD and your baby would be far better off without him. He doesn't respect you (or he wouldn't have you cleaning up dog sick at 38 weeks pregnant), he doesn't like you (or he wouldn't treat you like that), and he doesn't care about his unborn baby (or he wouldn't put it at risk by making you clean up dog sick, or refuse to care about its wellbeing because it's still inside someone he's annoyed with). I don't care how nice he can be when the fancy takes him, this is not a good man.

You have done no wrong, I don't care how annoyed you got or if you did something that you knew would piss him off or if you raised your voice. All couples argue, everyone sometimes does things their partner doesn't like (my partner leaves laundry everywhere. It pisses me off. That doesn't give me the right to treat him like shit.) and we've all been known to get a bit louder than we perhaps should. That's human. But there's a line between 'human imperfection' and 'abusive asshole', and your DP is so far beyond it the line is just a distant memory and about to fade into myth. Please leave this man. His behaviour is inexcusable. There will be somewhere to go - people do not mind helping out in an emergency, and this qualifies. I have a small house and I know nothing about babies and children and pregnancy but if I had a friend who came to me and said, I'm 38 weeks pregnant and my partner is a jackass, I need to escape, they'd be welcome. You will have friends or family who feel the same; people are far kinder than you think.

OP - I totally understand where you are coming from because I was married to a man like that.

I would ask nicely and then I would ask again at that I would get a "I'll do it later". Later would come and then I would be nagging. He had no intention of doing anything EVER.

I would start shouting. He would look at me coldly.........................etc etc

No clean crockery? Yep - it is because you have made 10 cups of tea for yourself today and used a clean cup every time and then dumped them on the side. Three changes of clothing a day? Yep threw 'em on the floor, the nagging wife will pick them up..........

I would frequently end up in tears of total despair and frustration and fucking anger.

No teenagers are not 'programmed' to laziness. They are allowed to be lazy and rude...............

Sorry OP but I cannot see this bloke changing. He probably 'won't do nappies or night feeds either'. Get a fuck off fund together and smartish.

I am so glad that the wanker I married is now someone else's problem.

and BTW I have never been 'shouty' in any other relationship except my marriage.

Yep. It was him and not me.

A friend of mine is married to an arsehole like this. But won't be for much longer. No stepchildren involved for her, luckily - but he expected her to be the roll-over doormat wife she had always been throughout her pg, after the birth and through the difficult first weeks (and since then too, because the baby has been a difficult one).
He couldn't stand that he actually needed to pull his finger out and help out - that "wasn't his place". He couldn't stand "being told what to do". So he'd do less and less, fuck off to the pub until the small hours, leave her to get more and more frustrated and then tell her that she had changed, she wasn't the woman he'd married and he didn't love her any more.

THANKFULLY he did the decent thing and left (although of course she didn't initially see it that way) - now 6w down the line, she's still hurting of course but she's clearing all his stuff out, getting her own stuff in and making her life about her and her DC. Although the pain is still there, she feels far better about her situation because she isn't constantly on eggshells, questioning her own behaviour, worrying about her own moods, or thinking that there is something wrong with her. She now knows it is and was all him.

Please please please consider how much more of your life you want to spend walking on eggshells, bottling it all up until you explode and then taking all the blame for this person who couldn't care less and doesn't respect or love you enough to care properly for you.

OP he is a disaster, you blame yourself repeatedly for him being an arse. How would you have behaved if you were the other adult in the house and a pregnant woman of 38 weeks with SPD was confronted with dog sick? Not like he did.

Being a single parent is hard, but you will only have two children to deal with not 3 and a giant toddler. You deserve better, you need to be honest about what you deserve because it is sooooo much more. They leave, you leave, you stay with his mum, your mum, with friends, get advice from housing and see how you could be free of such awful behaviour. If he can manage it he can still be part of your child's life.

He sounds odious, no wonder you shout at him I would be murderous.

Have decided to leave the midwife today, i'll go tomorrow, but i can bet my life he won't ask tonight if i went or if anything is ok.

Who does that? Who seriously refuses to ask about the baby because it is inside of you, and they are annoyed with you.

I was meant to be getting sd from school, but they decided (without informing me) that i was too moody to be trusted to pick her up from school today and that he couldn't run the risk of SD being "stranded" outside school (there is a bus takes you almost all the way to the door)

I only found out because i said i couldn't get her. When i asked him when i was going to be told, he told me i wasn't, and if i'd turned up to get her and she'd already gone then that would be the way it went.

SO great fear a 15 year old won't get a lift from school, but no concern that his unborn baby and partner might not be doing too great???

He's disgusting, OP.

Stupid, childish and disgusting.

Please don't waste your one lovely life with a twat like this.

Seriously your thread has me fuming, reminds me too much of my ex p

Please please consider detaching yourself from this relationship it's going to be a lot harder when you have two children