Is this bad and should I leave?

[isitasbadasithink]

Hi I am hoping one of you lovely ladies can help with a dilemma I am having.

I have been with my dp for 5 years and have a 10 month old ds. The relationship isn't that great, he is pretty lazy and can be verbally abusive sone of the time (by which I mean telling me to fuck off or calling me a cunt etc). On top of that he has always had a higher sex drive than me and I have often given in to having sex with him at least 3 times a week to keep the peace ( he sulks or calls me frigid if I don't). I know just reading that back how bad that sounds by the way :-(.

This afternoon due to the fact I have been wearing a bikini he has kept groping me and telling me he can't wait to get me alone. When I was in the bedroom I agreed to sex to kind of get it over and done with and to avoid an argument. During the act it started really hurting as it often does and I told him to stop. He told me he was to close to finishing and continued with me struggling for about 20 seconds or so. When it was over he said he was angry at me for making it look like he was the bad person for continuing and stormed out of the room.

I feel numb and maybe I am over reacting. It probably was hard for him to stop but why do I feel so violated? Does anyone have any advice on what I should do now? I would be ever so grateful.

I, too, think you're right about his previous partner.

Don't worry about it at the moment though. Get yourself sorted with all the advice and support you can, get yourself settled, see what your solicitor says about contact (and everything else), and don't pull the punches when you see them either, be brutally honest about what he's like.

Wow, I've just read the whole thing through - well done you.

And yep, as mentioned above and earlier by Lottapianos it's really up to your ex to sort contact. I kept expecting mine to start demanding this that and the other and have to sort out contact centres etc... but in fact after a fairly ugly split, I haven't heard from him in well over a year. I'm a bit sad for DCs, but actually, not as sad as if I'd stayed with ex. Cross that bridge when you come to it, let him make the first move.... through the proper channels.
xxx

Hey isit so proud of what you've done so far. Keep it up!

If you ask MNHQ they will move this thread to Off The Beaten Path (appropriately named for you!) which means it is not searchabble but people who are posting on it can still find it.

Also sounds sooo like his ex went through the same. My sister went through similar and it turns out her ex told the same tales of his "crazy ex" who accused him of this that and the other ... and guess what ... he did it all to my sister in the end! :(

Well done, you are brilliant for escaping and it will show your ds a better way of life. Stay strong. You have so many people on here wishing you well. You also sound lovely and I'd like to be yor friend - I hope you find lots of new friends which will be easier now you don't have someone trying to keep you isolated. Big hugs

When you're ready, you can go to mother and toddler groups, or mother and baby swimming sessions in your new area and make some new friends. It's up to you what you tell them about yourself initially. It's really lovely to have a few people around you with similar age babies/kids, and it sounds as if you might not have had the opportunity to experience that yet after being with your ex (I hope he feels like your "ex" now!!) who sounds as if he called the shots as to where you went and who you saw.
Don't worry about contact yet, it's such early days, you only left a couple of days ago, get yourself a bit more sorted first, you need a little time to pass before you see your ex face to face.
I think everyone on here is so proud of you!!!!! and we're all thinking of you and admiring your strength too!! X X X X X X X

I would also say when you're ready you could try the meet-up boards on netmums. I moved to a new town a couple of years ago and we knew no one here. I found the format of the netmums meetup boards really good. They're kind of like dating (but without the expectation of romance or the pressure!).

You can either post an ad or reply to other people's. I've met quite a few mums this way, I've kept in contact with some of them, and not others, depending on if we clicked, but I've met a couple of mums who've become good friends this way. It took time, but I'm really pleased I did it, I don't know how I would have met new people here otherwise!

So glad you're doing well.

When I left my EA first husband I contacted some old friends and they all said the same thing - they had stopped contacting me because of how uncomfortable he made them feel. So get in touch - they will probably be glad to hear you are about to start making a life on your own and want to help you.

How are you going, OP?

I hope things are ok? You've not been on for a couple of days. Good luck with your appointment with the council, don't be too disheartened if it takes a bit longer than you think to get somewhere sorted, you WILL get there! lots of love. xxxx

Hey there hope you're okay. Just let us know when you can that you're settling and working on things.
Hope your mum is offering support and you're getting what you can from Women's Aid etc

Please let us know that you are ok? x

katykookoo are you OK? That doesn't sound at all healthy.

I hope you are ok op, have been following the thread and you have made the best decision. It really does get better once the clouds clear and you are out of the aftermath when they are still trying to get you back & control you. When you get used to freedom again it is wonderful.
You should be so proud of your bravery.

Just discovered this thread last night. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through and really glad you had the courage to get you and ds out and safe.
I understand that you want ds to see his dad but given his dad's behaviour personally I would push for supervised visits only, although if he refused his name on north cert I doubt he'd keep up contact anyway,

I notice you've not posted for a few days hope you and ds are ok x

Hey there op is everything ok ?

Another one here hoping you're ok OP? xxx

Thinking of you OP

Hi just hoping you are alright. No matter what you have decided to do can you let us know you are safe. Hope it is going okay. It is going to be tough but hope you have made the right decision for both of you.

When you have time please let us know.

OP, you ok??

Hoping you are okay xx

Hoping you're ok, too x