Is this bad and should I leave?

[isitasbadasithink]

Hi I am hoping one of you lovely ladies can help with a dilemma I am having.

I have been with my dp for 5 years and have a 10 month old ds. The relationship isn't that great, he is pretty lazy and can be verbally abusive sone of the time (by which I mean telling me to fuck off or calling me a cunt etc). On top of that he has always had a higher sex drive than me and I have often given in to having sex with him at least 3 times a week to keep the peace ( he sulks or calls me frigid if I don't). I know just reading that back how bad that sounds by the way :-(.

This afternoon due to the fact I have been wearing a bikini he has kept groping me and telling me he can't wait to get me alone. When I was in the bedroom I agreed to sex to kind of get it over and done with and to avoid an argument. During the act it started really hurting as it often does and I told him to stop. He told me he was to close to finishing and continued with me struggling for about 20 seconds or so. When it was over he said he was angry at me for making it look like he was the bad person for continuing and stormed out of the room.

I feel numb and maybe I am over reacting. It probably was hard for him to stop but why do I feel so violated? Does anyone have any advice on what I should do now? I would be ever so grateful.

All the very best of luck to you. I've never had to do what you're about to do, and I wish you every strength.

I may have this wrong, but I'm sure I've read elsewhere on MN that you can contact the police to get an escort while you retrieve possessions left behind - once you're safely out.

A friend of mine did just that too with her two DCs. Best thing she ever did.

You really can just up and leave.

Be careful. Don't hesitate to call the police if you need to. Unfortunately men like this escalate rapidly if they detect that you are about to leave and/or stand up for yourself, so keep your mobile charged and in your pocket.

Car key in your pocket too. All you really need is your ds but car key and mobile would be handy if you have to leave on the spot.

I wouldn't hire a van - you can get the big stuff later with friends / family there to help. Just take what you can get in your car and what's important (you and DS and financial stuff). Can you go out today and get a phone bod to check out your phone for tracking device?

Just want to add my support and wish you luck. Please just grab what you can (and your DS!) and just go. XX

Wishing you the best of luck.

Please don't be afraid to call the police if you need to. They are there to protect you, it's their job!

I think you need to call Woman's Aid/Police.

I am worried about his change in working arrangements, is there anyway he could know what you are writing to us here?

He's already raped you, he has said he'll kill you if you try to leave, please love, this is the most dangerous time, if you have money, if you have access to a car, please get out?

For what is worth, I left ex in the middle of the day with him in the house.

Because he threatened to kill me and DS.

I said I was going shopping and took DS with me. He usually went anyway. And even asked ex if he wanted to go.
He didn't, not a big surprise..

I just took my bag and went to my sister, then to the police to sign a complaint against him.
They then came to the house with me for me to collect my things.

Worst case scenario, you can buy a few clothes items for the night or a couple of days.

Can you just pop out with DS like Lueji, or send him out for something?

I have never been in your situation, but I know that I would have trouble hiding what was going on until Thursday.

Do take care.

You could always come back on Thursday with a van and the police. (I have read on MN that you can make an appointment for someone to come with you.)

Please look after yourself and DS.

OP, like many of us on here, we're a wee bit worried about you, please do consider just walking out now and going to the police or calling womens aid. The number's 0808 2000 247 if you don't have it already.

You might have already done that in which case, that's brilliant news but if not, please give it a thought, you may not be thinking as clearly as you normally would considering all that's happened recently.

Just read this, hope you are ok OP

I think that you have gotten used to this pervasive abuse and it has become the norm. It's only when you share with others and they have a horrified expression on their face, that you realise just how bad it really is.

He manipulates you, so that you are the cause, it's your "fault" he behaves as he does. Which we all know is a crock of shite.

Leave honey. Take your little one somewhere safe and get yourself away from this man. He has nothing to offer you nor his son.

I really hope that you haven't posted since before midday because you are out of there, and are OK. Thinking of you, and your ds. You are definitely doing the right thing.

He has finally left to do a job I will be leaving now with a bag of clothes and our paperwork. If I don't update for a few days this will be because of wifi etc.

Good luck OP, you are doing the right thing x

Good luck! x

Good luck! You have all of us with you!

Good luck OP, hope you and ds are ok.

I think that you should be making plans to leave. It sounds like you are unhappy. I was in quite a similar situation and leaving was the best thing. Think of your child. As they grow older and her him say those things to you the child may start copying.

We are in Devon. Don't know if there's much I can do (don't drive,no spare room) but could meet up for rl support if you need it.

Thinking of you and DS.
take care x x x x

Good luck isitasbadasithink, I know we'll all be thinking of you and wishing you well.

You said up thread that you're weak. You don't seem weak at all to me, you seem incredibly strong.