Is this bad and should I leave?

[isitasbadasithink]

Hi I am hoping one of you lovely ladies can help with a dilemma I am having.

I have been with my dp for 5 years and have a 10 month old ds. The relationship isn't that great, he is pretty lazy and can be verbally abusive sone of the time (by which I mean telling me to fuck off or calling me a cunt etc). On top of that he has always had a higher sex drive than me and I have often given in to having sex with him at least 3 times a week to keep the peace ( he sulks or calls me frigid if I don't). I know just reading that back how bad that sounds by the way :-(.

This afternoon due to the fact I have been wearing a bikini he has kept groping me and telling me he can't wait to get me alone. When I was in the bedroom I agreed to sex to kind of get it over and done with and to avoid an argument. During the act it started really hurting as it often does and I told him to stop. He told me he was to close to finishing and continued with me struggling for about 20 seconds or so. When it was over he said he was angry at me for making it look like he was the bad person for continuing and stormed out of the room.

I feel numb and maybe I am over reacting. It probably was hard for him to stop but why do I feel so violated? Does anyone have any advice on what I should do now? I would be ever so grateful.

So I have just found the wifi code do I can update. Ds and myself are safe staying in a small b&b near where my mother lives. I have not spoken to her yet which I am feeling guilty about as I am sure xp has contacted her himself by now to try and find me. In fact I turned my phone off as I was leaving and have just turned it on to find many text messages, none of which I have read.

Today the plan is to get an appointment with the housing department of the council and also contact woman's aid. I have paid for a week on the room so no rush there. Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and also offers. It also makes me feel much more confident reading how others have left and how much better it is.

Well done! So very pleased for you and your DS.

Are you sure he can't trace you through the phone, isit? Please be very careful over the next few weeks, and good luck to you.

So glad you're okay. WELL DONE YOU!!!

There's so much good advice from others who've done the same here, and it sounds like you're already cracking on with sorting out you're new life, which is wonderful!

As tribpot said, make sure he can't track you, ditch your old phone if needed. Also, someone earlier mentioned calling in a complaint to the police about him, think about maybe doing that as it may help keep him from hassling you. It might be worth giving the local station a call to let them know you're safe and sound in case he calls you in as a missing person.

Keep strong, and again WELL DONE YOU!

Good luck today with all your plans x

Oh, and I'm sure your Mum will not only be glad to hear you're okay but very proud of you even if you only want to tell her the bare details.

Good on you OP! I'm so pleased you are out of there.

BRILLIANT!! But honey, I would ditch the mobile if I were you, just to be sure...You might be tempted to read his texts and respond when he gets apologetic.... Best of luck, stay strong. If you feel yourself wavering at any point, come back to mumsnet for support. As you have seen, you have alot of support on here!!!! xxx

Well done you. It may feel a bit scary but this is a fantastic new chapter in your life, no matter how hard it is now you will never look back a regret leaving.

So pleasedto hear you are both ok.
Well done, be proud x x x
Take care x

Well done. You are soo brave; weak? Pah!

Well done, that is fantastic news! Please consider ditching the phone, or at least taking it to a phone shop to get a new sim or whatever it takes to make it untraceable. And tell your mum, I'm sure she would want to help you! But bloody well done you on not sticking around, I know its hard to leave but its horrible reading on here about women sticking with awful men who are damaging them and their children, so great to see you get away from this rapisthideous excuse for a man.

Well done and good luck OP. You've been so strong and brave and you've done the right thing for you and your DS. Stay safe.

I think the temptation to read his texts (getting progressively more apologetic, then wheedling, then desparate, then abusive, then back to apologetic...) would be almost overwhelming - to me at any rate.

I would have left the phone at the house when i left.

Please, OP, ditch it, or at least get a new SIM.

SO pleased you are out of that situation! Great news

Yay! Wishing you all the best for new beginnings. Stay strong, we're all with you! X

Well done, OP, you are being so brave to have made this huge move. I was thinking about you last night. So relieved to hear that you have left. Please let us know how you are doing and if there is anything any lovely MNetter might be able to help with.

Only you can know how bad the experience was and what words you'd use to describe what has happened. You poor thing. It sounds horrible.

And there is so much else in the way he behaves which isn't right.

Glad you've decided to leave.

The future has to be better without him.

Keep thinking of making a new life for you and your DS.

Good luck !

Ooh, I've just read your latest post Isit

Yay ! I'm quite excited for your new future !

Well done you wonderful woman

OP PLEASE ditch your phone and get a pay as you go one.

Well done for getting out. Good for you!

Have you taken the laptop? You can get the key logger taken off; if he hasn't got access to it I think it having a keylogger wouldn't be a problem anyway.

You have turned the tracker on the phone off haven't you? I'd get it checked out, even so.

Glad to hear you're both safe. Best of luck today, get in touch with your mum, if he has contacted her she will be worried.
I agree with the other posters, take your phone to a shop to have the tracker removed and ask them to put a block on his number, if you are anything like me your phone will be full of photos of your ds so it won't be an easy thing to leave behind.
Take care

You are amazing!! Well done darling!

I agree with above posts about letting police know the situation in case he reports you missing or even reports the car as stolen? They will protect you, it's their job!

Just so thrilled for you, you are so strong and an absolute inspiration.

Massive hugs xxx

Hope you can enjoy some peaceful moments with DS today doing something nice, and just enjoy the freedom you have won for yourselves, and enjoy the first day of the rest of your lives. Hoping everything goes really well for you today and this week

Fabulous news! I don't even know you but I'm smiling a big smile to know you're safe and sound. Like some of the other posters have said, I think it's worth giving the police a call to register yourself alive and well so their time isn't wasted. That and the million other jobs you've got though no doubt!

I think you're amazing but do take care of yourself, you have had an awful experience and now you're being very strong for the sake of your son. You may be able to continue being very strong but if not and you do get wobbly or depressed, please do come back here or ask for professional help. You deserve it.

xxx