Divorcing Dad: Should the engagement ring be returned to me?

[Freshlygroundbeans]

This is my first post on this website-

I have been married for almost 10months and am about to get a divorce. My partner is a solicitor and has drafted the Separation Agreement. The separation is by mutual agreement and will be uncontested.
The reasons for divorce are very complex. They relate to the children of a blended family and mental health issues. These issues were prevalent before we got married but became exacerbated after the wedding . There is a mutual feeling that we should never have got married.
Within the agreement she cites : ?The parties agree that she keep the engagement ring given to her by DH?. The ring is still being paid off and is a significant amount of money. Both parties will be undergoing financial strain when moving on. I will be leaving the home with my son and do not particularly want to be continuing making payments on an engagement ring !
I have asked her to return the ring whereby I will sell to retrieve the expense .My own reasons are that the ring is now meaningless and has no symbolic value. A sham. For my mind it would be an honourable gesture of her to return it to me.
Her response is that it is a gift. She even cites a law case stating that legally she is entitled to keep it .In this regard she may be correct. However, I think this is a ?moral issue? more than ?gift issue?. I intend to remain friends with her but I know my friendship will be determined by her attitude to this issue.
What are all your thoughts? What would you do?

"Imagine the field day abusive men could have if they were."

Yes,, because only men can be abusive and manipulative

Yes I remember that thread! I'm on your side freckled, and was even before I read whole thread. No decent bloke would ask for a gift back.

Oh wow, who would have thought the OP would turn out to be the H of that thread!

OP - when you look at the massive bill you have to pay for something you don't want, perhaps that might belatedly dredge up some empathy in you for your poor wife's feelings at what your grasping family did to her.

I believe it may be called karma.

Ohhhhh that wedding thread. Wowsers.

Glad you are doing ok now leopard.

OP, in the unlikely event that you come back to this thread:

(cont):

Have you considered that MH issues may not only be on your STBXW's side of the family?

(splitting post in case of deletion - but as that's a genuine question, and we're trying to break the stigma of MH issues, there's no need to delete?)

"r3dh you are making far too may assuptions that bear no relevance to the question in hand." Only I wasn't, was I? It is dodgy as all hell to have £1,500 debt outstanding on an engagement ring by the time you divorce - and it's now pretty clear why you tried to sweep that part of the story under the carpet.

Ok so have now seen the wedding thread, FL you were mad to marry this man in the first place, his family sound grasping, so I guess that is where he gets it from, I did say you should give the ring back, but that was on reading just his side, now I have read your side to I think you should sell the ring and use the money to help start over, I do not know why you would want to stay friends with this man as you have no family together and really you would be best just getting the hell out of dodge, leave him and his whole defective family far far behind

Irrelevant to everything else the ring will be next to worthless so it's useless to either of them, surely?

Unless the wife wants it for sentimental reasons. To sell it on would be futile in terms of getting any real money back.

Morning. STBXH is out somewhere so whether he even knows I've posted on this remains to be seen. We endeavour to spend time separately since we're still living under same roof (and will be til end of July). If I do see him I'll mention that I've posted here.

FreckledLeopard is keeping the ring really worth all of this hassle and animosity?

It's a ring that neither of you could afford to buy in the first place, and is now just causes more arguments.

Oh freckled, why on earth would you even consider being friends with this man in the future?

I suspected that one of the reasons for the divorce being "mental health issues" was directed at you. What a twat. Wonder what on earth the OP thought he'd get out of posting this thread?

STBXH has seen my post. Still maintains he's in the right.

Id give it back. Its just not worth it. He will in no way recoup the value if he sells it - I got £280 for a £2000 wedding ring. why would you want to keep it - in memory of this twunt and your brief unhappy marriage... nah. Give it back with a smile. Let him find out that second hand jewellery has almost no resale value, and keep the moral high ground.

why on earth keep this person in your life? You have nothing to tie you to him, wouldn't it just be easier to walk away totally?

FreckledLeopard and nothing will convience him otherwise, posting here was to make you change yours.

And I maintain his family will be pushing him to get tge ring back.

FreckledLeopard, I remember your wedding thread. Horrific.

I take back what I said on this thread, and think you do whatever you damn well please to get this wanker and his family out of your life for good.

Good luck to you.

Freckled, is this right that he wants the ring because he had to pay back your SIL who seemed to think she could spend your money like water?

OP, you are at best misguided and at worst a grasping tight-as-a-ducks-arse piece of crap.

Whichever, you can whistle for the ring!

Engagement ring is a gift given in expectation of marriage. If you hd not got married, for whatever reason, then you'd of been entitled to have it returned. However you did get married ring is hers.

I actually noticed that the OP wouldn't answer the numerous questions regarding the original cost of the ring. He just kept repeating that £1500 was still owed.

Well, the OP used the money that SHOULD have paid for the ring to pay his pushy sister who spent well over the expected budget for the wedding. Therefore, in my mind, the £1500 debt he is still carrying is NOT for the ring but has been transferred to the wedding. Freckled has said that she has offered to split any outstanding debts 50/50.

How more reasonable is FreckledLeopard expected to be?

(I must admit when I read the original thread when it was first posted that I wondered why the sister gave the unexpected invoice to her new SIL and not to her brother. My conclusion was to manipulate FL's mother into paying the additional monies.)

OP - if that WAS the plan, it has back-fired. It would be better for the 2 DCs if you drop this ongoing-controlling behaviour over the ring and get past it to a relatively amicable divorce as quickly as possible.

I would give the ring back as IMO it is not worth the hassle.

I would just want rid of OP, and wouldn't want anything to hinder/slow that down.

I'd sell the ring and split the money I think... Although that's only to get rid of him quicker

Joining this late, but just for clarification:

In your update, Freckled did you say that the credit card that the ring is on is paid for from your joint account? And that the original agreement was that he would clear it from his savings, and that he then changed his mind?

Cos in that case, he agreed to buy you a ring, and then didn't, you have been paying for it from your joint finances. No way does he get it back.

Also, if the ring was worth £1500, how can there be £1500 still outstanding? Has he not been paying the monthly bills?