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Original poster

Should I even be bothering with this or ditching him?

160 replies

BoredRoom · 25/05/2012 12:48

I have a fairly new boyfriend, have been seeing him for 4/5 months. He lives alone, no kids and I see him around 2 or 3 times a week. Taking it slowly I suppose but several things bother me - this is one of them.

I have child free weekends but we NEVER spend the whole night together. He will come here or I will go there and we watch a film , have sex and then I come home. Usually at about 11pm as he likes to be in bed around then as he has an early start due to a consuming weekend hobby that he usually does on both days of the weekend. The reason I don't stay is because he likes 8 hours of full uninterrupted sleep and me next to him disturbs this.

I feel a bit weird about this. I mean, it's not normal to have a boyfriend and never sleep the whole night together is it? I haven't really said anything although he probably knows I think it's a little unusual. And anyway, what is the point? He would more than likely 'let' me stay but it wouldn't have been his choice would it?

There are other issues too but that, for now, is the one currently bugging me.

OP posts:
AgathaFusty · 25/05/2012 15:12

If you think it's bad now, can you actually imagine this relationship in 5 or 10 years time? Separate bedrooms (so he gets his full 8 hours), lonely weekends whilst he plays golf, miserably eating in secret, self-esteem getting lower and lower by the week as you listen to him criticising those around him and wonder if he really means you, having to go running every day to keep him happy, minimal or no affection????

No way can that be what you want for yourself.

ImperialBlether · 25/05/2012 19:39

Oh I remember this man and am amazed you're still with him.

You do know he'll live to a ripe old age, don't you? All clean living and early nights and oily fish, no late nights, no heart attacks during sex, that's for sure. Do you really want to spend sixty or seventy more years with this boring, self indulgent, golf ridden weirdo? He'll be in tartan trousers when he's older - do you realise that?

claudedebussy · 25/05/2012 19:46

i remember him too.

dtmfa

nkf · 25/05/2012 19:54

He plays golf. What else do you need to know?

beatenbyayellowteacup · 25/05/2012 19:54

faaarrrkkk even if there's no one better (which I seriously doubt) is it really worse to be on your own and free?

brianbennettfan · 25/05/2012 19:59

Just popping in from Lurker Towers to say:

To me he sounds like an oily fish Wink

Bin the bugger. My daughter is living with a similar individual (spends nights on the sofa because the world moves on its axis if he doesn't get his eight hours, etc.)

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 20:16

Once you've finally dumped the nutter you'll look back and laugh your head off about all this.

MysteriousHamster · 25/05/2012 21:16

If he cared about you or was head over heels in love, he'd let you choose the film one day. He might even pretend to like it. Not only go with his own choices.

SkivingAgain · 25/05/2012 21:22

I'm having deja vu - sure I've read this before Confused

akaemmafrost · 25/05/2012 21:27

I remember this too. Can't believe you haven't dumped his sorry arse yet!

LowFlyingBirds · 25/05/2012 21:27

Me too!

Had to double check the date as im sure its almost word for word as last time.

Youve posted repeatedly about this man over the course of your (waaaaay longer than 4/5 month) relationship.

You get the same replies each time. Ar you hping for different answers?

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 21:29

most people in real life Some people need to revist more than once if we're all honest and I don't think it's anything to attack the OP about.

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 21:30

We learn at the end of the day mostly by repetition.

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 21:31

We all hope for different answers then eventually when we don't get them it becomes final.

LowFlyingBirds · 25/05/2012 21:34

Who's attacking op?

Reminding her that these are long-standing issues is relevant to the advice people are giving.

MissFaversham · 25/05/2012 21:38

Reminding her is ok, it depends how you word it.

This is coming across as some people having the huff that she didnt take note the first time, hence she shouldnt be asking again.

As in "you've had my advice, what more do you want" to those people i would say don't comment again. I'm more than happy to repeat what I said before for as long as needed.

tartyflette · 25/05/2012 21:54

So what have you got to lose, Bored, if you do ditch him?
He's not a boyfriend, he's not even a fuck buddy.
And you're not that keen on the films.
You know the answer.

TimeForMeAndDD · 25/05/2012 21:56

OP he likes you because you don't give him grief, you don't challenge him, therefore he gets all his own way. If you did give him grief then I am sure you would see a very different side to him. I don't think he regards you as a girlfriend, more of a convenience, someone to keep him company, have sex with, then send home when he needs to sleep.

I also wonder why you don't challenge him, why you tolerate being treated in such a way. I just wonder if your self esteem could do with a bit of a boost.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do Op Smile

beatenbyayellowteacup · 25/05/2012 22:01

Can you be you?

Never, ever lose you for someone else.

And if someone makes you, ditch them.

midwife99 · 25/05/2012 23:12

Yeah I remember this from the last thread too. Advice the same - harmless but boring & not committed to a relationship. Find someone FUN!!!

Original poster
BoredRoom · 26/05/2012 15:19

Thanks all.

I know I sound like I have some weird, deep seated mad issues but I promise, I really don't! Pretty normal day to day!

Yes, you're right, I have posted several times before. I don't think it's because I want different answers, in fact, I'm sure i don't. I think I just want validation from others that this isn't normal and it's not me imagining things or being needy or melodramatic.

I saw him last night - hadn't seen him since last sunday due to him being away golfing. Within about 5 minutes of me walking into his house we were watching our designated DVD of the evening and drinking herbal tea. He did hold my hand though. Hmm I left at 11.15, despite having no kids this weekend. I made a joke about staying the night and he joked back that of course i could stay. On the sofa.

Tonight we are going to the cinema to see a film I really want to see. So that's OK then.

And then I need to think more about this.

I am actually happy being single. I see lots of friends and am happy having fun on a more casual field playing basis. I think with him I wanted it to be different. But sitting on a sofa sipping a hot drink on a friday night watching a film ive seen before is not what I often feel like doing.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 26/05/2012 15:25

Do you really want to go out with him tonight?

Original poster
BoredRoom · 26/05/2012 15:30

Isla - not really, although I really want to see the film. I was actually quite relieved that he was away last week - meant i didn't have to stress too much about eating cake. How ridiculous!

The reason I don't want to go out with him is because he doesn't actually seem to hugely enjoy my company really. He has always said he is unemotional and likes his own space though - so this is nothing new.

OP posts:
JustFab · 26/05/2012 15:32

On the sofa?

You could see the film alone you know.

You don't want to see him - so why see him?

IslaValargeone · 26/05/2012 15:33

See the film by yourself, then come home and eat cake!

I hope you sort this out and find someone to have fun with.