men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

Totally agree Mal. And it is knowing decent men that makes it clear that some or many men, are not like this.

how - I have known former prostitutes and rent boys. They chose to do it in the same way they chose to do drugs or get into dangerous situations i.e. usually a hobsons choice. But being anti paying for sex is not the same as being anti prostitutes.

And rape is not all about being forced by a stranger or acquaintance. A husband who coerces his wife into sex against her will, is raping her for example.

I am sorry you were raped. I have been as well and so know how hard it can be dealing with it.

The man who raped you didn't want consensual sex ( or even the illusion of it with a prostitute) - he wanted to rape a child, are you seriously saying you would have wanted him to take a child prostitute from the street and rape her for money, instead of you?

The minute i read the word MORONS and other such insults I really can't be arsed to finish reading the poster's opinion. It's nul and void.

So it's ok to call women whores but calling someone a moron because they fail to understand that criticising scummy male behaviour is not "man hating" isn't?
Alrighty then.

l feel sad for you Mal, you assume to know everything about everyone. I now have a beautiful partner of 4yrs who had similar situation to Jake of the no sex thing but he is one of those wonderful people that stayed faithful no matter what. When you 'assume' something it makes an ASS out of U and ME. so what do you do to be part of the solution besides throw your valued opinion around? I also had the husband who helped himself so l know how that feels too. Hurt people hurt people and you seem to be throwing a few barbed daggers. I'll pray for you. Love and light : )

I used a legitimate word for woman in that industry.

Like the previous poster said, stop assuming shit about posters you don't know. You're showing yourself up.

You don't know my life experiences. I'm not about to dribble my life all over a forum. But from where I'm sitting, you're an opinionated ass who thinks her opinion is the only opinion so must be right!

I don't need your prayers thanks, I've been married to a wonderful man for over 27 years, that's how I know what good men are like.
If you honestly believe that going to prostitutes stops men raping women, you are very, very mistaken.

There probably is some form of correlation between men who use prostitutes and rapists, but I'm sure it's not that use of prostitutes prevents rape. It seems to me more plausible that it is men who use prostitutes (keyword = use) who are likely to be rapists.

I don't know if any study has been done. I'll do a quick google.

And bingo, it turns out that rapists ARE more likely to have used prostitutes

"However this may be, studies of American civilian rapists do not support the idea that they are "sex-starved" in the sense of long-term inability to find willing mates. On the contrary, in many respects their sex lives are extraordinarily active. (119) They are more likely than others to have been sexually precocious, (120) to have had many sexual partners, (121) and to like casual sex. (122) There is also evidence that they are more likely to use prostitutes, (123) masturbate, (124) have sexual fantasies, (125) use pornography, (126) visit strip clubs, (127) have frequent sexual intercourse, (128) have high numbers of orgasms in a given period, (129) and engage in several deviant sexual practices such as exhibitionism. (130) These behaviors are sometimes studied together as measures of a construct called "sex drive" or "sexualization." (131) Some authors interpret the findings of the studies as evidence that rapists are more obsessed with sex, less able or willing to control their sexual impulses, or subject to more frequent or more intense physical desires for sexual gratification. (132) One may then infer that their rapes were sexually motivated."

That argument sounds a little to me like the "most prostitutes have been raped/abused" line we often hear reeled out, when in fact it is a fact that 1 in 4 girls is abused before the age of 16. So it stands to reason that 1 in 3 girls in any profession has been abused at some stage.

oops...1 in 4 girls in any profession...

Jake, it has been pointed out a lot that your marraige is a sham. Can u really claim you are happily married when your wife has stated that you should live platonically and you shag prostitutes. That is not an ordinary life!

I really do wonder whether you dare not broach the subject with your wife because you know what will happen. Either that she will leave or heaven forbid shE might change. Unlikely imo.

As I posted yesterday, you said that you see different women so I'm guessing you are enjoying the variety. I wonder if you ever could go back to monogamy now? I wonder too, if you pay for sex acts you didn't ever do with your wife.

I do believe the women you see are just normal women and I DO kind of buy into the happy hooker thing. Maybe not happy at shagging any random bloke, but I d
Io think many prostitutes do it through choice, notforce.

I don't think calling a prostitute a whore is offensive either! I'm baffled at that!

Whoever said that prostitutes stop men raping though needs their head examined. Poor men need sex or they will go crazy, they have massive urges etc. Women aren't fussed about sex blah blah. Does anyone actually believe that shite?

27yrs of faithful marriage Mal, congrats! Well done. Its not you that l'll be praying for then, its your hubby. Just like to clarify the misconception that has been taken from my previous post earlier about prostitution stopping rape. That was NOT what l said. How easily things are twisted here. Very tragic. So much for supportive! Thanks to those few that have shown compassion and empathy and actually stuck to being part of the solution giving useful comments.

"If it werent for them there probably would be alot more rapes happening out there. Men are sexual creatures by nature."

That was what you said - Copied directly from your post. If that is not what you meant, what exactly did you mean?

so where does it say prostitution stops rape??? Read the actual words, not between the lines. You also manipulated my post about rather than being raped to some rubbish about preferring he raped a 13yo prostitute as well as adding your opinion on his motives. You do know an awful lot dont you...l will still be praying for you, l pray that you dont ever have to experience the pain of those less fortunate than you, that you learn to have some empathy and humility. Prostitution is one of the oldest trades in the world and not all people who use these services are rapists.

That's exactly what it's suggesting if it weren't for prostitutes there would be a lot more rape.

I don't think you can backtrack on such a ludicrous statement, when so many people have picked up on it.

"Prostitution is one of the oldest trades in the world and not all people who use these services are rapists."

They are. HTH

There is a big difference between consent and rape.

I am one of the 1 in 4. It was my dad. He sold me to a couple when I was 12, and continued to do so, he kept me as his till I tried to kill myself at age 16.

I think a lot of you sit behind your screens and imagine things. Maybe too much empathy gets your imaginations running wild. Well, walk awhile...

Then maybe you can talk. Until then. Hush your mouth.

Who do you think you are? How do you know others experiences. Yours was awful it explains the boundary problems however and the justification of menz will be menz. It's not a suprise.

Retro - That sounds a totally awful experience.

But you don't know other people here are on here disagreeing with you and what awful experiences they may have had. So please please don't assume you are the only one here affected in this way.

In defence of Retromum argument, as she was herself put into sex for sale scenario as a teenager, she's hardly using the word 'whore' as disrespectful to women, is she!
OP, you are describing the girls you aer seeing as quite content and willingly in the job - but what is your point? aer yo usaying you are quite happy with doing this or not? I can guarantee you one thing - they are not enjoying what they are doing, not with the majority of the client at any rate, yes they may be greedy if they do it to fund convertible cars, but make no mistake they aer doing psychological damage to themselves. Women who have been in this job find it almost impossible to trust a man in future r-ships, and also they may suffer from low self esteem which they try to boost my having the money, but the fact remains that they do not respect their body or soul for that matter, they may think 'it's only a job' when young but are not aware of the damage they are doing to themselves.
Are you going to talk with the wife? the point of the thread was to shift the situation! Also you can't feel great knowing that they may dislike you physically despite the professionalism.

I mean, OP, wouldn't you much rather that a woman actually desired you genuinely? I hoe you haven't lost the belief that this is possible! I'd give counselling a go, both to try and get your wife interested, and for your own self esteem revival.

Bricks, I actually think the use of the word whore, it quite poignant. Plus other examples such as men getting women drunk as skunks then having sex with them not being rapists.

It's understandable what retro has said, but still very, very wrong.

"prostitution is one of the oldest trades in the world" - oh well THAT'S ok then. The slave trade is a pretty ancient practice as well, might as well bring that back too.

I've never been able to the fathom the logic of the "but it's always been this way - shrug" argument. So what? Immoral, reprehensible, inhumane behaviour is fine as long as it has history on it's side?