men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

Another one here admiring Wingoggles posts.

Real life is not black and white.

The admiration of winegoggles posts is interesting - in one post she talks of of prostitution as her own choice and free will - yet later on is planning her exit from the industry. Contradictory - unless you'd have us believe you are like Jamie Lee Curtis's character in Trading Places (another perpetuation of the happy hooker myths). Somehow I don't believe that - if Winegoggles is so happy in her choice of profession, I wonder why she needs to plan her exit.

running it is none of our business....imo winegoggles didnt have to post her experiences of her profession...but she has...they are honest...and deserves respect for her honesty

That's where your very wrong, doormat. Prostitution affects all women - see Slug's post on the previous page as to why.

I'm also planning my exit from a shit job selling carpets.

• Slug's excellent post

running i have seen slugs post....

if you think i am wrong for saying it is none of our business...then so be it...i just admire winegoggles honesty...she didnt have to post about her experiences but she has...

WineGoggles, thank you for the detailed answers. Nothing especially surprising in what you say (not fancying clients, some ham fisted, some skilled, planning to leave it soon), but I'd question your 'lovely BF's' attitude. Does he know that you find some sex with clients enjoyable and can stomach it? can he also stomach the fact that you do hate some of the experiences (rougher ones)? if so, can you be sure of his motives towards you, what if he's financially motivated, as it sounds almost like a business plan to bide your time presumably to get the required amount of cash for something new? Yes, maybe he can see that you aer strong (which you are) and in control of your mental and emotional health, but it would still worry most partners, especially if it was real love. You say you aer rubbish at exams, well you could have gone into other business (trading, being an estate agent, sales in shops) without being academic. There is dewfinately a hint of lack of confidence here (which many of us have, but I think it's ALWAYS the case with prostitues - i.e, they aer confident intheir sexual skills and looks/body maybe, but not otherwise even if intelligent like you are). You did sound mature, but I thought abot 35 max. 40s - yes it's a lifelong choice almost, and yo uprobably started late, hmm don't know whether it still affects emotional health - I think it may lsater with various regrets. But anyway I do wishh you well in the future, and for your new plans to work out after leaving the business.

A friend of mine (in her 50's) who has just retired is about to go into part time telephone sexline employment. I personally would want to gag and slam the phone down but it's up to her isn't it.

Miss Faversham - so funny re shit job in carpets!
you are just bored though, not harmed (well apar from inhaling chemicals a little bit ), but you aer expert on carpets at least, useful!

Well MissF, let me ask you this. Are there many other women in the carpet selling business who are trafficked, groomed, drug addicted, and are being forced to sell carpets against their will? Are you at an immensely heightened risk of violence and rape because you sell carpets?

Because when it comes to prostitution, you are. Not so much in carpet selling though, so hardly comparable.

There are also women who pay for sex to you know and women that arrange quick lunchtime bonks due to not wanting the emotional side of things. As in there are women that haven't been forced into prostitution etc.

There are also men/women who have families and choose extreem sports as a hobby or do a very dangerous job for a living.

what have lunchtime bonks anything to do with it? she chooses men she fancies.

Nice sidestepping of the argument there MissF.

All I'm saying is that there are some strong non-emotionally damaged women who make these choices. It's a lucrative business.

I get rather cross with cruisaders who end up making "all" women seem weak and easily lead.

Nobody ever says all women are weak and easily led, MissF, nobody.

I've known a few in my time that have running

You must mix in the wrong circles then but I know what you mean. Let me correct that to nobody on MN would dare to say it!

winegoggles, its interesting to hear your take on this, but honestly you you reallybuy into this bullshit about married men 'loving' their wives and still seeing escorts? Come on! I really, really hate it when prostitutes or men who see prostitutes come out with this old clap trap. All this it's better than an affair. Not to most people. Only to the ones who are doing the deed. Eases their conscience.

Same as all the women go off sex after the menopause and men are rampant forever bollocks. Do you believe that winegoggles too? In that case, you won't mind one bit your partner shagging 25yr olds when you are postmenopausal will you?

I am not saying that there aren't some relationships like this, but I do think men chug out this old tired excuse to justify themselves into getting some sex they never had or haven't had since they were young men.

I can kind of get the disabled men paying for sex or the socially inept ones(just). Though, it is a shame they see no other option. The married ones though, have pulled a woman before and have had sex so they could do it again, without paying. They prefer paying so they can hand pick the women that they like, and its not someone like their missus. It is a convienent excuse to get some variety.

OK,say your hubby just turned round to you one day after you'd been used to sire and told you, that's it now honey no more sex. I still want the security and lifestyle that goes with being together though, however, I expect you to go along with this and never look elsewhere either

What issues? And which of them are related to the work? "largely unrelated" is not the same as "not related"
In an earlier post I mentioned how uncomfortable I am having to lie about my job due to the attitudes of some. To the best of my knowledge this is the only work related issue I have. Like many other people I have what I call ?life shit?, such as bereavement and joint mortgage/ex partner, mundane crap to deal with, but these are nothing to do with work.

^Considering you're actually planning your exit strategy (which other job requires an exit?) you're not exactly a good advertisement yourself.
As always it turns out most women in prostitution want out.^

NYAC, a lot of people in many mainstream jobs ?want out? so I hardly think that me wanting a change after the length of time I?ve been doing this job is much different. I dare say if you did a study of shelf stackers in supermarkets or call centre staff many would want out. ?Exit strategy? is another way of me saying ?retirement? but retirement sounds wrong too. I wouldn?t look too deeply into every single word I say and try and find a negative slant on it, just look at the overall posts and get a feel for what I?m saying.

winegoggles i am loving your posts....you seem very down to earth and not a victim of what you do....x
Thanks Doormat. I?ve often been described as down to earth by people I?ve met, and would say I?m very ?normal? (whatever that is) and blend in with the crown. I could meet any of you and you?d never think I was a tart unless I said.

Tonneofbricks, when my BF and I were friends I did tell him a few things about my work, but when we got together I said I didn?t want to discuss it unless he really needed to and that?s how we deal with it. He doesn?t know much and so far he hasn?t mentioned it apart from one or two comments about looking forward to when I?m no longer an escort. I can only be as sure of his motives as anyone would be with their partner, but I?m definitely not scared of being alone and if he treats me badly he?ll be gone. I?ve read enough threads on here to know what the warning signs are (thanks MN).
Sorry, I had to laugh at trying my hand at estate agency; with their popularity it would be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, LOL.

There is definately a hint of lack of confidence here (which many of us have, but I think it's ALWAYS the case with prostitues - i.e, they aer confident intheir sexual skills and looks/body maybe, but not otherwise even if intelligent
You?re right in a way. I am confident with work (although not so much about my looks strangely enough), and have happily addressed an audience, but I?m not confident in formal learning situations, especially exams, or with being accepted for other jobs. Eg if you were on an interview panel and the lady you were interviewing was an ex-prostitute would you hire her? I would think not, but I can?t lie on a CV about what I?ve been doing this long. So it?s self employment from now on and I am in the process of starting up a small business.

Carmen, of course I have no way of knowing if what my clients tell me is the truth or not, I wish there was. One of my last clients told me he hadn?t had sex in 10 years, so do I believe him or not. Maybe men do BS to help their consciences but I will never know, and I personally don?t consider people liars unless I have reason to. All I know is that with some of the more clumsy ones I wouldn?t be surprised if their partners haven?t wanted sex because if their efforts with me are anything to go by they wouldn?t get much enjoyment from it sadly.

to be fair carmen, she's not a 25yr old, so those old men aer happy with a girl in her 40s andshe doesn't do kinky if you meant this by 'sex they never had'. Many of course don't love the wives but are there for convenienhce and to keep the house intact, others of course do sleep with the wives as well but keep quiet about it.
Again, they can pick a variety on casual sex dating sites - I don't know why don't they, maybe jus ttoo much effort or lack of confidence (a worker won't reject him they think, but that's not quite true for repeat visits).

Same as all the women go off sex after the menopause and men are rampant forever bollocks. Do you believe that winegoggles too? In that case, you won't mind one bit your partner shagging 25yr olds when you are postmenopausal will you?

Carmen, my exP worked away for weeks on end and I actually said to him that if his hormones were unbearable that I didn?t want him feeling guilty if he had sex with someone else. It was on the condition that he kept it to a WG (no messy affairs please), made sure she was consenting not coerced, kept it safe (condoms for everything) and he didn?t tell me (I don?t need to know). So my attitude to sex is a little offbeat I suppose, but if I went off sex and my DP didn?t I wouldn?t expect him to be celibate for the rest of our time together. Of course in an ideal world his libido would be in perfect tune with mine and a wank would be as good as intercourse, but it?s not. I believe that people are individuals, with different views and libidos, and one size does not fit all.

"You fiercely and relentlessly promote your opinion as the last bastion of correct thought, so to have a go at me about me thinking my opinions are the right ones is incredible."

Right back at you SF. This is how you behave. You obviously can't stand the fact that someone has a different set of opinions to you, so you continually bash away at the fact I even hold mine. It's not an argument against them, it's just your outrage that someone dares to think differently to you.

If you've got an argument against what I said, then say it. Stop having a go at me.

I think it's weird that people are fawning over the happy hooker narrative whilst ignoring the elephant in the room:

?The nation is finally beginning to take a look at the intrinsic harm of prostitution. I welcome this because it is a harm I have understood since I was a fifteen-year-old prostitute, being used by up to ten men a day. The one thing that linked those men together, besides their urges to pay for the right to abuse my young body, was that they all knew just how young I was. They all knew because I told them, and I told them because it had the near-universal effect of causing them to become very aroused.

?When a man is very aroused in street prostitution that is a good thing, because it means he?ll climax quickly and the whole ordeal will be over fairly fast. I learned that on my very first day while sitting in the car of an elderly man who, as he abused me, repeated over and over the thing that was causing him such sexual joy: ?Oh, you?re very young ? aren?t you? Aren?t you??

?That is the true, sleazy and debased face of prostitution ? the face that pro-prostitution lobby groups hysterically deny and attempt to conceal. Well, they cannot conceal it from me. I spent too long looking at it, too long being abused by it, and too long trying to recover from the soul-level injury it left behind.

?Many of the girls I worked alongside were not much older than I was and one was only thirteen-years-old ? and there was no shortage of grown men paying to abuse her. Most of the older women had been working since they were our age or younger, and many of them had histories of sexual abuse that predated their prostitution lives. When a person looks at a thirty or forty-something prostitute what they forget is that they are looking, in most cases, at a woman who has been inured to bodily invasion since she was a prepubescent child."