men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

I'm as confident in my view being the right ones as you are confident in yours Sigmunde. Don't hold me to a different standard to the one you hold yourself to.

As for hammering people into submission, I'd have thought you'd be the one handing out tips on how to do that. You appear not to be able to stand that any radical feminist views are expressed on mumsnet and seem to have made it your mission to eradicate them wherever you see them.

Not going to happen of course.

Being called a radfem is a compliment imo.

Radical feminism is just logic + acknowledgement of women's actual experience.

Two things that women have easy access to.

It's also why it's such a completely alien concept to most men.

'As for hammering people into submission, I'd have thought you'd be the one handing out tips on how to do that. You appear not to be able to stand that any radical feminist views are expressed on mumsnet and seem to have made it your mission to eradicate them wherever you see them.'

I can't stand radfem views, you're quite right. It's not my mission to eradicate them though, not in the same way that it's your mission to spread the radfem word. I couldn't be bothered.

'Not going to happen of course.'

It will eventually, in a couple of decades or so. Society will wake up to your destructive forces

Gotta love those destructive women's shelters and rape support charities. And laws such as making it illegal for a husband to rape his wife. How terrifying.

I could have written that oft trotted out response for ya rulers.

Sorry, just noticed this..

'Radical feminism is just logic'. No, radical feminism is about feelings. Feelings are not logic in any way shape or form.

I thought you'd left this thread retro and gave up making yourself looking a sandwich short? I love flouncers, who don't flounce. But talk such crap they can only turn up to pitch in when they think they have back up. As their ramblings are just so nuts.

:)

Mumsnet, can you do us a favour and sort out a "block poster" button?

Looks like a few of us around here could do with it.

It's a borg-thing, RetroMom.

I suppose it depends which position you're looking from.

Given that radical feminism does set out to destroy men's self awarded right to inflict massive globalised violence against women and girls, in that sense it is destructive.

If someone didn't want that to end I can see why radical femnism would look destructive.

'Given that radical feminism does set out to destroy men's self awarded right to inflict massive globalised violence against women and girls'

It sets out to destroy men. Full stop. The globalised violence rhetoric is bollocks, globalised anything is a smokescreen.

I don't hear of many radfems leaving their safe(ish) little countries to muck in with the oppressed in the middle east.

They're far more concerned with how to 'deal with' men here in the UK, because by and large you don't get a great deal of resistance.

Oh I do like the word 'radsplaining'. I think of it as similar to 'mumsplaining'.

Eg:

Mumslaining: 'no darling, don't put your toast in the DVD player. Yes I know it's yummy but it will break it. Whaddya mean, why?'

Radsplaining : 'no darling, it's not nice to put your penis in anyone unless it's for their pleasure as well as yours. No , exchanging money doesn't make it different. Whaddya mean, why?'

LOL, ItsNotUnusual.

Sigmunde you appear to be shouting me down and also seem to think that your opinion is the right one. Hasn't anybody told you that's rude yet?

Likeatonne, you asked some very valid questions which I shall try and answer quickly?

I believe that you may find your job OK, but can you hand on heart say you ENJOY it?
Same as any job, good days and bad days. I enjoy meeting new people, chatting with them over a glass of wine or cuppa, I enjoy the compliments and occasional small gifts. With men who know what they?re doing with their hands and mouths the sex can be very enjoyable too, and I find it easy to tolerate with clients less clued up. Most want things to be mutually enjoyable so will try to please me and are happy to take guidance, but some are so ham-fisted I?m not surprised they don?t get sex at home! If I don?t like them I won?t let them visit again.

why is the only other option 'a nasty boss' a low pay and a boring horrid normal job?
OK, you?re right, it?s not the only option. But I definitely prefer self-employment on my terms, and I am working on other projects to move into when I stop this. I hear enough stories of PITA bosses expecting their pound of flesh for minimum wage to know that?s not for me, and unfortunately my work experience is in a very specialised field which has moved on. The job situation in this country is dire for many people, me included, so it?s a good option for me. Also I am crap at exams so look stupid on paper, have tried and failed to get a degree, so let?s face it my options are limited. Plus, as my IFA said to me, once someone is self-employed it?s very hard to be employed.

Aren't you honestly never disgusted by a client's body/smell (excuse me but I don't believe you if 'yes')
Oh sure, most aren?t my type and I rarely think ?phroar? when they get naked. I rarely get stinkers thankfully, and as I use a condom for everything there is a barrier against STIs and (sorry TMI) smeg.

how about genuine relationships - you can't have one can you
They are very tricky. Men, understandably, don?t like to share ?their women?, and those that say ?it?s fine, it?s only a job? either don?t care for me (so can use me just for free sex), or do not understand the emotional issues they will go through. However, I am now with a lovely man who I was friends with before I outed myself to him, and we?ve been together for a year now. Of course he?d rather I wasn?t doing it but we have plans for the future that don?t involve prostitution. I?m planning my exit and we just have to bide our time.

but list what you aer NOT getting
I find it hard to make new friends because I hate lying and I?m rarely happy admitting I?m a prostitute. One of the first questions people ask is ?what do you do for a living?, and I?m uncomfortable with this. I admit this can get to me. Thankfully my old friends and family know what I do and are accepting of it (at least on the surface).

Plus there is always a danger that just one client can turn nasty
Sure. However, I?m very strict with my security measures which I believe dissuades the nutters. I have very clear rules and boundaries (I also don?t offer anything kinky), plus and it?s been said I come across as no nonsense in my advertising, so men do seem to watch their Ps and Qs when with me! In 10+ years I?ve only had to pull 2 people up on their attitudes and I didn?t feel threatened. My experiences really have been with very ?normal? and nice men for whatever reason, but I have heard some horror stories. I market myself towards the sort of client I want to work with.

you get other delights like erection problems and old bodies, hey?
In abundance!

Sorry it?s so long but there were a fair few questions.

I think she's been raped. Repeatedly. She may have acclimatised to it, like stockholm syndrome. Still true though.
If that?s directed at me, Chub, then no I haven?t. I am not a victim and have never felt violated in any way. I?m sorry if this doesn?t sit well with your beliefs about prostitution, but you know nothing about my working experiences. But hey ho, I suppose you?ll tell me I?m in denial.

WineGoggles I wonder whether you are still young? in which case it will come to you later that you've harmed yourself emotionally, even if you've learned to disattach mentally from your body
Tonneofbricks I totally agree with you about this job being potentially harmful to young women and I?d personally like to see a minimum age of say 25 introduced so that girls have the chance to mature emotionally before they risk their mental health in this business. But then we are all different and regardless of age, some can handle it and some can?t.
I?m into my 40s by the way, and am very aware of my mental state; if I need time off I take it. My issues are largely unrelated to the work though but it?s important to be self aware.

WineGoggles, have you ever considered that your position re: prostitution is actually putting the wider population of women in danger?

By continuing to freely to work as a prostitute and by expressing the view that it's a harmless activity that does no one any harm you help to perpetuate and spread the idea that women's bodies are a saleable commodity.

This attitude does great harm to womenkind. When our bodies are widely thought to be something that can be bought and sold, we become less than human. We already know that young girls are traded by their fathers and brothers as debt repayment in other countries. Girls in this country are traded amongst gangs of men who abuse them for cigarettes and affection.

When men hear, amongst the cacophony of women's voices that prostitution hurts us the one voice of someone who hasn't acknowledged the harm it does, this is what they will fixate on and use to justify the continuation of their behaviours.

You like your job? fine. Continue to do it. Bout don't for one minute think that you are doing women any favours. And don't for one minute think that what you do causes no harm.

"I?m into my 40s by the way, and am very aware of my mental state; if I need time off I take it. My issues are largely unrelated to the work though but it?s important to be self aware."

What issues? And which of them are related to the work? "largely unrelated" is not the same as "not related".

Considering you're actually planning your exit strategy (which other job requires an exit?) you're not exactly a good advertisement yourself.

As always it turns out most women in prostitution want out.

Well put slug.

Wine - well given that your profession is built on dishonesty on both sides it is fair to point out that repeated liars tend to have problems with the reality of their situation. Hence it is unlikely that your posts tell the truth even if you believe you are being honest. It is possible that some individuals can be mentally strong enough to distance themselves mentally and emotionally from this kind of life if you have ''chosen' as you claim but possible doesn't mean probable. I wonder what led you to one day waking up and thinking I'll become a prostitute - I think the thought process would be enlightening.

It always amazes me that prostituted women still fall for the lies men tell as well - men shifting the blame and guilt onto their wives - as the reason they are seeking paid sex. The truth is a lot of them just don't see you as an equal human being - you need to 'humanise' them -claim they are nice 'decent' whereas the reality is probably too hard to acknowledge.

winegoggles i am loving your posts....you seem very down to earth and not a victim of what you do....x

hopes i have tried to explain myself properly, without offending you x

'Sigmunde you appear to be shouting me down and also seem to think that your opinion is the right one. Hasn't anybody told you that's rude yet?'

Did you have just a smidgeon of recognition in this monumental pot calling kettle exercise when you hit post there?

You have been told that you are rude so many times, by so many different people that I've lost count. You have shouted down more people than anyone else here on MN.

You fiercely and relentlessly promote your opinion as the last bastion of correct thought, so to have a go at me about me thinking my opinions are the right ones is incredible.

Winegoggles, I admire your honesty btw.