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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

men who got to prostitutes

684 replies

jake42 · 21/05/2012 12:26

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 24/05/2012 20:31

grounds

Nyac · 24/05/2012 20:32

You heard me.

WTF to your crap about "your ilk", "bunch of pitch folk wealding woman" and all the other BS insults you've been throwing on this thread. If you can't have an argument without resorting to attacking people then perhaps you just shouldn't bother.

How many times is that that you've threatened to leave BTW?

Nyac · 24/05/2012 20:34

Sweden, Norway, Iceland are all leading the way. South Korea, Israel and France have also followed suit or are thinking about it.

People who deal with prostitution on the front lines know that this is the right approach to prostitution - tackling demand leads to reduction in the harms of prostitution.

Those are the reasons to be optimistic.

WineGoggles · 24/05/2012 20:39

I?ve read this thread from the off and have so far decided not to get involved, but dammit, I will tell you what it?s like from a ?happy hooker?s? point of view just to add a different perspective?
?Men who visit prostitutes don't love and respect women. If they did they wouldn't be treating their vaginas as a commodity to be bought and sold?
Not in my experience o f 10+ years as a sex worker. In fact I have found my clients to be the opposite and have treated me with the utmost respect. We have a business arrangement which I understand will not sit well with many but a genuine fondness can develop just as it could with any business where one is in direct contact with regular clients. Here?s a bit of background about me if you have an open mind?

I went into prostitution out of choice and have generally been happy with that choice. It?s a damn sight better than being a wage slave, and I love the amount of free time I have to live my life as I wish. I love not having a twat of a boss, or having to commute in rush hour, or having to work for shit pay in a job I would rather not be doing.

I was not abused as a child

I am not into drugs (I don?t even smoke, although I do enjoy a glass of wine or 2)

I have never been in an abusive sexual relationship. I?ve dated some twats but no-one shocking. I read the threads on here and am amazed how I?ve managed to avoid the type of men that are mentioned.

I do not have a pimp (I work entirely alone and decide on my own working practices)

I pay tax as an ?escort? (HMRC are ?living off immoral earnings? LOL)

My clients are usually married, love their wives, but haven?t had sex for many years (the latest client said he?d not made love to his wife for 10 years, and he?s not unusual!) due to their wife?s loss of libido after the menopause. They have the choice of playing away (in a way that won?t get emotionally messy and risk the relationship) or divorce. They don?t want to divorce their wives just because of sex when the rest of the marriage is good. I can see their point.

Some of my clients are disabled, mentally or physically, so have little chance of intimacy unless they visit a sex worker. Some have come with their carers.

Some are virgins who want to gain experience to become more confident in starting a relationship (we expect men of a certain age to know what they?re doing, yet this causes massive anxiety with inexperienced men past about mid 20s).

The worst part of the job is dealing with prejudices from other people (especially women) outside of the business, not from clients. Therefore I have to be secretive about what I do and I wish I didn?t have to be.

The most stress I?ve ever had regarding my work was when Harriet Harmon wanted to make it illegal for men to pay for sex.

Other sex workers I have met and have PMed on prostitution forums have been just like me

People who conduct surveys often have agendas, so can twist things to suit them.

Yes, I?ve watched ?Pretty Woman?. I thought it was a sweet film, but what Julia Roberts was doing looking like a pro in a posh hotel beggars belief, and I?m sure Richard Gere would?ve hired someone more discreet! Not at all realistic.

Unfortunately I fully expect to be called a liar, troll, delusional because I do not adhere to the stereotypical drugged, trafficked, pimped, street walker?but then I?m not Belle de Jour either.

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 20:40

You keep posting at me that I feel I need to reply.

Go count the pitch forks. You ladies are of the same ilk, cut from the same cloth with your chants of rapist!

Now, I'm gone. Feel free to twist my words and posts to suit yourself!

Chubfuddler · 24/05/2012 20:42

What a load of crap winegoggles.

runningforthebusinheels · 24/05/2012 20:43

So there are no trafficked, abused, drug addicted, underage, groomed, pimped, raped prostitutes at all then? Oh that's good news.

runningforthebusinheels · 24/05/2012 20:46

Retro, this thread isn't actually all about you.

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 20:48

No running, this thread is about Jake, it became about me because of the pitch fork weilding folk who just keep coming at me, like you are doing right now!

Nyac · 24/05/2012 20:51

"I'll sit on the side lines and watch them come out from the shadows like some sinister movie of the damned."

More insults

ShirleyKnot · 24/05/2012 20:51

Has this thread gone all p u n t e r n e t?

runningforthebusinheels · 24/05/2012 20:51

Retro, firstly, academic studies are generally more reliable than anecdote. Secondly, if you don't want other MNetters to think that you hate women, stop using the word whore. Would you persist in using a derogatory racist or disablist term after people had told you they found it offensive?

runningforthebusinheels · 24/05/2012 20:53

Nobody has any pitchforks Retro - they just object to your vile language, and your sanctioning of men using prostitutes.

runningforthebusinheels · 24/05/2012 20:54

By they, I actually mean 'we' of course.

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 20:54

I don't get your logic. It's not a banned word. Next thing I know I'll be getting a telling of for referring to my furniture as flame retarded Hmm

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 20:55

And now I'm really just gonna read and not respond, so get your stirring sticks my dears.

WineGoggles · 24/05/2012 20:56

Has this thread gone all p u n t e r n e t?
No Shirley, just a slightly more balanced debate. After all it's no good hearing only one side of the story, no matter how it jars with our views.

Nyac · 24/05/2012 20:57

trolltastic

Chubfuddler · 24/05/2012 20:57

It's retardant, not retarded. You muppet.

ShirleyKnot · 24/05/2012 21:02

Strange how you know what I'm talking about.

Look, I'm happy for you. You're not abused, trafficked, pimped or forced in anyway to be a prostitute.

You are not the norm. If what you're saying is true, and you enjoy having sex as a 'job' then that's up to you. Again I do not judge you.

I judge the men who believe that women are rentable vaginas.

Furthermore, just because you love being fucked my men regardless of whether you fancy them or not, or are in the mood or not or whatever, for every person like you, there are 10 who are MISERABLE, raped, trafficked, drug addicted women who are being raped daily.

I'm not ok with it that.

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 21:02

re·tard
   [ri-tahrd, for 1?3, 5; ree-tahrd for 4] Show IPA
verb (used with object)
1.
to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
verb (used without object)
2.
to be delayed.

Damn I'm so week willed.

My furniture has flame retardant on it yet. It is therefore flame retarded, You muppet!

runningforthebusinheels · 24/05/2012 21:03

But does your story negate all the others Wine? All the trafficking, drug addiction, abuse etc that has already been referenced on this and many other threads?

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 21:03

yes

RetroMom · 24/05/2012 21:03

Oops...my yes post was a correction to my previous post where I had used yet instead of yes!