men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

If a woman cannot give consent through intoxication then it is rape.

Sorry and all, but that's just the law.

Did you reply to this part:

For every "happy hooker" {removed to make it easier to understand} there are at least 10 more who are forced into prostitution through circumstances.

Who knows which you're getting when you're paying. And judging by this thread who cares?

I can't see it in your reply to my other point?

there is nothing 'respectful' from his wife in telling him she wants brother/sister thing! that's not honesty, it's just informing him that their marraige is sexless by HER choice along - note, straight AFTER they got married, respect would be to inform him before, or even better DISCUSS it with him and ask whether he could be ok with that and waht options he had. SHe was deceiptful, no doubt about that. He's also been deceiptful in return but hopefully seeking advice here with the aim to change that. I do think she may well guess what he is doing and not that bothered as to her 'sex is dirty' and she's pure, so logically in her mind sex belongs in some seedy scenarios - as far as it's out of her view she's pobably fine. She's not livingf on planet Mars to think that a partner could be possibly ok with no sex, and he tried enough times to initiate it since for her to know he's interested. Whether she wants to be told the truth or not, who knows, in place of OP I would suggest counselling and make it serious (i.e. otherwise it's a break up) because continusing paying for sex for many years is not a good route for anyone incl OP. Even if wife doesn't mind him doing it. If you both do agree on open marriage, Op, you really should switch to casual dating sites rather than pay for sex, at least you'll feel a better person morally speaking.

alone

Lots and LOTS of projection in that post likeaton.

What possible motive would the wife have for being so "deceitful"? And if she is the dreadful person she is being painted as then SURELY the OP would be better off moving on and finding someone nicer?

Rather than what he is doing.

THAT IS RAPE.

You can twist and turn and want it not to be all you like, but sex without consent is rape. RAPE.

Stop changing the subject, I'm not getting into a pissing match with you about the morality of ONS - that's NOT what we're talking about and your attempts to divert the issue just proves that you don't have a leg to stand on.

RetroMum. The men who love and appreciate women don't go to prostitutes.

Unlike our friend jake

I think you should tell your wife you've been visiting prostitutes behind her back and y'know, see what happens. Before you start booking her in for therapy you should let her know who she is really dealing with so she can decide if she even wants to continue the relationship. I know I wouldn't.

Shirley, a very obvious motive of getting married (as a good Catholic, apart from social convention) and having children! there are women who are not interested in sex due to no libido or some weird 'morals' but they still WANT CHILDREN. How do you think they go about it? find a man who is in love with them and then dominate him onto what she wants. And then (if she's not completely stupid thinking he's ok with that) turning a blind eye.

she knows that marriage means an intimate relationship, so telling him straight after, rather than before, is obvious manipulation.

Shirley, I KNOW there are girls who are forced. I also met girls who weren't. I don't think the forced girls are hard to spot, by the punters or by other whores. Just like the druggie whore is quite obvious when you meet her.

I didn't want to nor did I enjoy being made a whore of. Yes it still effects me to this day. But my story is not every girl's story. You don't have to take my word for it. I've lurked on whore boards just like lurked on this one. There are forums where you can find those girls and ask them yourself. I'm sure they would be happy to discuss their choices with you if they didn't think you were only asking to judge. A lot of the girl say they are happy with their lives. I've even heard them say, It's better than working at Tescos. And some also admit that just like with a lot of jobs, not everyone enjoys the work they do to bring home an income, sometimes they don't love all aspects of their work, but they wouldn't give it up. I'm not about to judge them simply because of my horrific experiences, nor am I going to second guess them and saying they are lying and are really messed up and don't see how they are being harmed/harming themselves. Just like I wouldn't make that assumption about couples in open relationships who have sex with strangers. Just because I wouldn't do it doesn't mean there is anything wrong/bad/degrading if anyone else chooses that way of life for themselves.

*RetroMum. The men who love and appreciate women don't go to prostitutes.

Unlike our friend jake*

How would you know?

Your statement is as true as me shouting "The wife of every married man who came to fuck this little girl must have known what he was doing. How can she not know? You can't love a man you don't know".

It's bullshit.

Likeatonne - so if she as manipulative, deceitful, full of "weird morals" and dominating then why on EARTH should the OP stay? He should definitely not be in a relationship with such an abusive person.

I'm not judging the women who work as prostitutes - I judge the men who use them. You used a whole lot of words to basically say "Those forced girls are easy to spot" I wonder why you're not on the vice team then, as surely you could be passing that information to the police to get those poor women some help and to get the vile fuckers who have forced them into being raped daily banged up.

Forced by circumstances doesn't only mean those who have abusive pimps, have been sex trafficed or are on drugs - a lot of prostitutes have been abused in their childhoods (as I understand that you were) or in their later lives and have been conditioned to believe that they are worth less than other women.

I would never, ever want to have to fuck men I don't find attractive, or have to have sex several times a day, regardless of how I felt.

Talking about the "happy hookers" is a big pile of diverting bullshit, and you know it.

Retro, to be fair, smoking and drinking to excess are wrong/bad for you but it's a person's right to choose to do it. Same as people still have unprotected sex - their choice but dangerous. Whilst any woman has a right to choose it if she wants to, prostitution IS harmful to the person, or it happens to those who had been already harmed by their parents' neglect etc. Just because a person doesn't tHINK they are harming themselves, doesn't mean it's not harmful. Smoking wasn't considered harmful in the past (not much) but now they've put all the research into it. Prostitution doesn't get that much attention as far research into mental/emotional harm, as it's convenient to too many people, but the harm is there all right.

Look, though the lifestyle is not for me for me to disagree or not, I understand there are married couples out there in open relationships having sex with strangers and that's not rape. So I don't see how adding money to the equation suddenly makes it so. That's my logic. I'm also not about to push the belief that all prostitutes are pimped or forced.

Shirley - yes, she is all that in this one aspect, that's not the whole of her though, she may be a good mum, housekeeper, friend to do things with etc. Love is not that rational, that you either tick all the boxes, or leave if one (even important one) can't be ticked. He IS trying to resolve it now isn't he? he may eventually leave, but he's asking for advice first. Indded he should become a little more assertive. In real life many couples consist of a dominating and submissive partner. If Op is by nature submissive then no surprise he's attracted to her, why again is everything black and white on the thread??

Retro, sex with strangers in open marriages is consentual, the parties FANCY each other, unlike when it's paid for.

Bricks, I've visited swinging sites too. Have you seen their adverts? I'm not so sure they always fancy the people they sleep with!

The only thing that is black and white is that the OP should tell his wife that he is using prostitutes.

Retro - "I'm also not about to push the belief that all prostitutes are pimped or forced." and I'm not prepared to push the belief that most prostitutes are making a "lifestyle" choice, because it's not true. You seem very confused about what constitutes rape - rape = sex without consent. Prostitutes who are forced into prostitution are being RAPED. There. That's nice and simple.

Anyway, I see mumsnet is delete me though I don't know why. So I will hush up and be done with this thread.

Jake, you will feel much better once you and your wife have divorced.

Oh Shirley stop being silly. I DID NOT SAY that forcing a girl into prostitution is not rape. Twist away!

Over and out!

Bye! You were deleted for the rape myth, I expect!

Jolly good MNHQ.

can't see any deleted posts